Awe, this is a sad post. If I was there, I would have come up and hugged you.

I sorry you feel isolated. Try to not give up. Do you have ho view or interest where you can join as a way to meet people. I never been massively successful meeting anyone at church myself. The most success I had when I did go to church was a group where we did a class. But most weren’t my age and after the class just didn’t matter. I like to explore myself more way to meet people

*hugs* reality thank you

Serenity.... thank you
I don't really go anywhere aside from work and church because my work schedule is weird (a cross between 2nd and 3rd shift) so my work and sleep schedule is odd, by normal standards. It makes it very hard to do much.

You can ask me anytime. I have bipolar with ADD so I'm not quite on target as you. My children call me a chatty cathy and i'll admit some weird switch flips when I'm around people. I can talk to people just about anything. Having said that, I have, at age 56, only about 5 friends and most of them are overseas people I've known by the web for decades. I've never met most.

I read once that one has a few friends and the rest of the world is background noise. Whether one believes that or not is a choice but I find it to be true. I shake my head at the online things where one has hundreds or even thousands of friends. What is it they do or exchange together. Only surface material I'll warrant and certainly not in the hundreds or thousands.

I tend not to leave home but was was out and about. Now I would suggest what your real goal is in meeting people. One or two real close and reliable friends or a network. You may not know. Upon a time, churches were the thing to do to meet people. The world was different decades ago and social, civic, interest groups and other types of activities brought people together. I hesitate to get too much into churches because I was big into my church as a youth but have fallen far from that tree.

I don't think its you. Granted, I don't know you. But I think there have been invisible barriers erected among people with the digital age. In person meetings are down as civic and like type organizations have statistically shown. How do you meet people? My daughter has the same issue at 25 and wants to meet, get married and have children. Where? Not an easy question to answer. My son is the same way but he's an MD and buries himself in work and doesn't have the social radar at all.

Trust among people is down and tensions are up. I would suggest you might be putting too much stress on yourself by expecting people to lower their barriers. Church is still a good idea in my book, but it depends on the nature of the church and its parishioners. To me, the more liberal the church the better. I'm Episcopalian. But regardless of that, I would consider narrowing your focus to activities you enjoy. I would think that if you liked gardening, you might join a gardening group. Likewise, church committees for outreach programs where people are in touch with one another and have a much greater chance to contact each other and actually get to know someone else. If you throw seeds all over the place expecting to get one to grow, you might be disappointed. Pick the avenue you might find the most agreeable and where you have common interest. Suggestions: Church decoration committee for holidays, meals on wheels, visiting the home bound, MIFA, civic beautification clubs, volunteering for groups you like: art, wildlife rescue, reading to kids (always a dicy one if kids don't want to listen) and food banks. You get the idea. The goal, aside from feel good civic service, is to have a small pool of people you can truly get to know and talk to.

A second Idea i talking to a clinical social worker who handles your condition. They might be able to guide you to groups who are geared towards people who have similar anxieties and understanding but that have activities together. You are certainly not the only one to face this issue and it is a fog in which you can go any direction and be lost. Don't lose hope. Aim small, miss small. I got that idea from the movie the patriot. And while its regarding marksmanship, I think it is a good idea to think in a focused way rather than broad brush. Send me a note anytime if you want feedback or support. I don't check everyday but I'll get on and give you a note back. Don't lose hope.

I also have had social anxiety all my life. And had to force myself to go to single events in my mid twenties and take classes. It was a suggestion from my therapist. I still barely talked to anyone at these events. But at least I was out of the house and doing something. Keep trying. Find other activities besides church. See if there is any volunteer opportunities, classes, or something that interests you that will fit into your schedule. You do only need to find one or two friends.
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Big hug Kikio...I'm sorry that you're hurting sweetie

I was wondering about volunteer work as well

Give away what you need

I think touchedbythesun has some good ideas and it's a good way to meet new people

One of my dearest friend's I met volunteering at a crisis hotline 30 years ago

Big Sister's...There are a lot of choices and so much need

Animals, food bank, or feeding the hungry

Doing one of these things will also feed you sweetie...xo

I used to love to people watch, at the mall or something.
.
Now, I just don't care.

I go to the gym, I sit down have a cup of coffee, But, keep to myself at the gym.

So, no I just care anymore.

Dear heart please don’t take it personally. I really believe most people are just really selfish at the core, even church people. It’s not about you. {{HUG}}

Thanks again everyone.
Those are good suggestions.
And thank you so much for the hugs
*Hugs back*

Hi Kiko,

I think I know where you are coming from. Growing up in high school and even after I had a pretty hard time making friends. It's tough. After many years of effort, I finally made a small group of friends and have had them for a long time. However, things have been tense lately with the group and I thought I would try to extend myself to find other activity partners, etc. Not necessarily a best friend or anything.

I've found it very hard to make friends at meetups. I remember telling a therapist that 'I can't make new friends." She said that was a limiting belief and that yes I could.

So, at the beginning of 2024 I put my new conversation skills into practice and asked someone from the meetup to hike with me. We hung out for most of last year, I thought it was getting off the ground. After about a year of hanging out I realized that we didn't know each other's last names and were not connected on social media...I ran into her at one of the singles' events at the meetups. I told her my last name and asked her if she was on social media. All the sudden I got this cold, blank stare and my stomach dropped. I knew that was it.

I couldn't figure out WTH went wrong...this was shortly before Thanksgiving. Afterward, I texted her about a guy we knew that she may be interested in dating. She stopped responding to my texts. It was the most bizarre thing ever. My telling her my last name was like asking her to join an MLM scam or something. So, so weird. Never heard from her again. It probably is not a failed experiment; you got the info you needed and can move on to better. At least that's my take on it. In a weird way it's a win.

For me I've found if I join environments and it turns out to be like that, I will seek a different environment. Some environments are just that way. I'm sorry, I think I do understand the feelings, it is discouraging. I think that there some environments that are much better. I won't stay where I feel really uncomfortable.