Depression Support Group

Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.

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red47640 10/01/2018

I realize it's a cardinal sin to be 32 years old with no husband or kids. At least, that's how some of the women at work act. They say, "Well, it must be nice to have so much free time!" They go out together after work and exclude me. And we get along well at work for the most part. So it kind of offends me that they don't at least invite me along. I try to give them the benefit of the doubt and think to myself that they may not ask me because they know I live an hour away from work, or something like that. But this isn't the first time this has happened. When I was getting my associate's in pharmacy tech, the fact that I have no kids was shoved in my face ALL THE TIME. And while I can definitely appreciate that having kids means you have responsibilities that I definitely don't have, DO NOT imply that I sit around twiddling my thumbs all the time. DO NOT act like I have all this free time on my hands. DO NOT act superior to me. Especially when you come to school an hour and a half before class starts and spend it smoking outside and gabbing with your friends, instead of using it to study like I did. It's true that, not having kids, I obviously don't have the specific time and money constraints that you have. I fully acknowledge that. But I'm not rich and I don't sit around all day. And I'm out here all on my own. I have no financial or emotional support like someone with a family frequently does. If I died in my apartment, it would be weeks before someone found me. I'm not saying this to get sympathy. I'm saying this to show that everyone's got a cross to bear, as my mom would say. No one has it easy. If you want to be self-righteous and patronizing, keep it to yourself unless you actually know me and know my life.

sonnycamehome 10/01/2018

I hear you. I'm older than you but was unable to have kids...a fact that no one knows. People tend to pity me for never having children as if they know my story. It gets old very quickly.

red47640 10/01/2018

Sorry to hear that sonny. Yeah, people love to assume things about others, don't they? And typically they make assumptions that make them feel better about themselves. I know that sounds horrible, but I really think it's true.

jannytheresa 10/01/2018

Seems ridiculous to me. I am older than you as well, but some of the behaviors of people at work seem very middle school to me. Hold your head high. You've done nothing wrong and if you want to, you have plenty of time to have a family.

Bullseye78 10/01/2018

hello red47640! Fuck them coworkers! I just turned 40 and I still have not been legally married or have any children but I see how much it takes to raise and support them especially in today's society. I still don't know if I wanna have one. You're better than them and they're haters. Cheer up and get a new set of supportive friends. Hugs! Mel

Cicatrices 10/01/2018

Fuck them indeed. I'm 37 and have dealt with the same issues you described for the majority of my life. I've already been fixed and people act like it's a travesty and tell me I'll regret it. After hearing all the same bingos for so long I refuse to be delicate and tolerate their criticisms. It is frustrating and infuriating. Just remember that we have more time, energy, and money than they ever will.

red47640 10/01/2018

Thanks everyone for understanding. But please don't think I think I'm superior to moms. I don't, honestly. I just don't like people making assumptions about me. Maybe I'll marry and have kids, maybe I won't. But whatever I do, I'll do on my own terms

Yard_Eggs 10/01/2018

Why do you care what these people think anyways?

Oh, and BTW, it sounds like YOU are making some assumptions about your co-workers.

red47640 10/01/2018

What exactly have I said to give you that impression? I said in my post that I gave my coworkers the benefit of the doubt regarding them not inviting me out. The women I went to school with smoked and chatted outside, everyone saw that. No shit it's a hot-button issue with me.

healing57 10/01/2018

I have 3 kids I am 57 I have 4 grandkids. I love them. My whole life has been dedicated to raising them and helping them and they are more than not rude and disrespectful people. I envy you , that you have time for yourself and can go and do what you want, and if you decide to have kids you will be older and wiser than those of us who did it in our early 20s.

red47640 10/01/2018

I'm happy for you, healing. It's cool that you have a family. I don't think I'm superior to people who had children at a younger age. Please know that. I just wish they would realize that, just because I don't have a family, doesn't automatically mean I don't have any obligations in my life.

dahlia639 10/02/2018

So I'm 63 and never married and no children. It just never worked out that way. To this day I have problems with other women that are married or married with children. They think I have it made. No bills, no worries cause of no kids, no husband. It couldn't be further from the truth. I have bills. I don't have the advantage of a second income from a husband. I have to go it alone. Decisions have to be made on my own. And there is loneliness without a companion. I actually had a married woman tell me that other women are jealous of me because I don't have husband/children to deal with. This is a crazy world. People need to try to put themselves in other people's shoes. Married or unmarried, children or no children, we all have problems. The grass is not always greener on the other side.

Tcupchinup 10/02/2018

good morning, first of all you have the power and freedom to do whatever you want and it is no one's business on what you have done yet or not done yet... you do not have to explain your life to them.... assumptions, judgements and when nosey people attempt to add your life up sucks. since they are sooo busy why do they have time to judge you or whatever? try not to react, keep your head up, they are not worthy of your time in anyway... There are people who have kids that are sincere and do not judge or assume. Your life is yours, have fun, do whatever you want, and you do not have to explain anything to anybody, whether you have no kids, 2 plants, 1 fish, or if it is you, yourself and you, so what, let them be them and do not feel bad for being you and doing whatever you want, it is none of their business. chin up and hugs.

April13 10/02/2018

I've been through this so many times. I am 45 & childless by circumstance. People are terrible about it. I often think the same about dying alone & not being discovered for ages. I changed my phone number 6 days ago, my own family didn't even come to my home to check on me. My sister lives 10 minutes away from me, it's frightening. I feel sorry for my cat, if nobody comes around here & I should die, she would start fretting, poor thing. My mother knows I have depression & it's particularly bad at the moment because of a devastating break up, I know she's old but she's switched on enough to send my sister around here to see if I'm okay. Nobody in my family wants to deal with my depression, 'cos they think it's my fault because I've been in abusive relationships all my life, so according to them it's self inflicted. Also my depression is quite disabling & I'm not able to work, my friends & family get angry about it all the time, frustrated. It's not like I'm hurting anybody & I don't ask them for money & they don't financially support me. I feel so alone & scared.

red47640 10/02/2018

Thanks all... April, I am sorry you are in that predicament. Although I work, I'm in a similar one, although it is partly because my immediate family lives on the other side of the country and I'm antisocial lol. I would like to make more friends though. Tcupchinup, great advice, and you're right that we all make choices in our lives, and that they are not worth my time in this case. The grass is definitely not always greener on the other side. dahlia639, you said everything I wish I could say to those women at my workplace. Word for word.

simpleliving 10/02/2018

I have read it books on how to deal with other people, to put the question back at those people. For example, if they make a statement about how much freedom you must have without having the responsibility of having a family, you calmly look them in the eyes and ask “are you saying, I sit around and twiddle my thumbs all day, that I have all this free time on my hands?” Then calmly wait for their answer. With you remaining calm and waiting for their answer that they have to answer bc you are looking them in their eyes, they will see what a ridiculous statement they made and give you an answer you would rather hear, hopefully an apology, and hopefully realize what a stupid comment they made and they, as well as others listening, won’t make that mistake again. It also gives you the power and makes you feel good about calmly addressing the situation and having the control over them instead of them having control over you.
Let’s say someone just flat out, and may I say rudely, asks you why aren’t you married and have kids? You should calmly look them in the eyes and ask, “so are you saying I am less of a person than you because I don’t have a family?” Then calmly wait for their answer. Maybe they will realize what a stupid question they asked you and or apologize and explain why they asked. Again you come out on top and feeling more confident than feeling belittled by them. You will eventually build up more confidence to make these responses and it will become easier and instead of feeling down about the situation you will feel more powerful.
Hope this helps. Let us know.

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