Depression Support Group
Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.
I realize it's a cardinal sin to be 32 years old with no husband or kids. At least, that's how some of the women at work act. They say, "Well, it must be nice to have so much free time!" They go out together after work and exclude me. And we get along well at work for the most part. So it kind of offends me that they don't at least invite me along. I try to give them the benefit of the doubt and think to myself that they may not ask me because they know I live an hour away from work, or something like that. But this isn't the first time this has happened. When I was getting my associate's in pharmacy tech, the fact that I have no kids was shoved in my face ALL THE TIME. And while I can definitely appreciate that having kids means you have responsibilities that I definitely don't have, DO NOT imply that I sit around twiddling my thumbs all the time. DO NOT act like I have all this free time on my hands. DO NOT act superior to me. Especially when you come to school an hour and a half before class starts and spend it smoking outside and gabbing with your friends, instead of using it to study like I did. It's true that, not having kids, I obviously don't have the specific time and money constraints that you have. I fully acknowledge that. But I'm not rich and I don't sit around all day. And I'm out here all on my own. I have no financial or emotional support like someone with a family frequently does. If I died in my apartment, it would be weeks before someone found me. I'm not saying this to get sympathy. I'm saying this to show that everyone's got a cross to bear, as my mom would say. No one has it easy. If you want to be self-righteous and patronizing, keep it to yourself unless you actually know me and know my life.
I'm a substitute teacher. A fellow teacher asked if I had kids. I said no. She asked if I was married. I said no. She asked if I want to ever get married. I said maybe. Why do people think it's so weird that someone who works with kids doesn't have their own? Did it ever occur to these people that I can't have kids but want to, or that I don't have them for reasons beyond their understanding because they are personal to my health? And my marital status is none of your business either unless you're trying to ask me out on a date.
I can have kids but I won't. Every single women on my mother's side of the family going at least as far back as my great grandmother has or had severe and debilitating depression. My father has severe bipolar disorder. So did my grandmother on my father's side along with 2 of my father's nieces. My grandmother had a daughter that didn't have bipolar. She went on to have 3 daughters (my father's nieces). Two of them have bipolar so bad that they both stopped working in their late 30s and early 40s. I don't want that for my child.
I struggle with my health. I don't want my child to struggle, especially since I have the knowledge to know that these are serious genetic issues and having a depressed mother raises your likelihood of having depression a million times over. (Not an exact statistic but it's true). I had a severely depressed mother. I struggle with depression and ptsd. I don't want my child to suffer too. Enough is enough. No one in my bloodline should procreate. Some people shouldn't have children, even if they want to, and I'm one of them. The risk in my family is too great.
I didn't have a lot of energy to do it that day but I usually turn the conversation back onto the other person. Ask them if they have kids, how old, oh how cute etc. People love talking about themselves and their children like they are shooting rainbows out of their backsides. I let them because that means I don't have to explain my deeply personal (read: not your business) choice to not have them.
I like your kids. I also like handing them back to you when the day is over so I can do what I do best - twiddle my thumbs.
Hmmmm, ... yeah .... according to the Pope .... who, to my knowledge, never married and has no kids.