Depression Support Group
Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.
I don't know what happened. It was just totally outside my understanding. I will try to discribe it at a later time.
I don't exist anymore. I refer to myself, inside my brain as "King of the Walking Dead" but not related to that idiot tv series, that is just how I feel. I am dead inside. The only true emotion which is alive is depression...severe depression. I have never been this bad before. It seems to all be based on...hell...I can't explain it because I don't understand it.
Right now I am doing what my dad called, "White knuckling" it. There is no happiness in my life. There is nothing in my life.
Though I sort of have family around me, my oldest refuses to understand the cause of this, she thinks I am crazy, she thinks I am defending my wife, she doesn't understand she isn't and wasn't my wife. After at least three months (out of probably six), living with the one I dubbed Vihane, she was so angry and hateful---she got rid of me, well a combination of real-me and, well, here we go, I feel I need to explain, but I won't, not right now. There was the real-me, who I am as I exist in this reality, then there's the "other-me", the one who exists in what she called "the other place"---it's like a mirror-world, existing together at the same time. Lord I wish I could explain it but since I wasn't inside her head, I really don't know how she saw it.
I'm going to skip a lot, get to the point, for today.
Since June 22,2019, when I was done away with by Vihane...I have been totally miserable. Life is just so f'n empty. I am a "ghost" if you will. I don't exist. I used to think my wife and I just "survived" life for the last three years, since we were homeless (will explain later). But now? Those last three years of "surviving" was just a suberb of hell---I am in hell.
It's a day-to-day thing now. I've never been severely depressed. You call this life? I call it fucking hell.
Do I want to die? Fuck yes.
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I got an email from Kohl's that I had a 40% off coupon for today and tomorrow only. It took me about an hour but I placed an order and got some great deals. I have been wanting a new dress. I like dressing up sometimes. My birthday is coming up and I have dinner plans at a nice restaurant. But, honestly, I'm a little out of control again. I went through this in the fall. I bought...
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Has anyone else noticed that clearly speaking and doing things intentionally is liberating because it helps combat the feeling of depression and a sense of hopelessness? Let me share a little more: in my experience, when those who have tried to project a hidden agenda that is obviously not aligned with integrity and well-being, it's best to be firm and speak clearly from self-awareness and...
Just know, my belief is you don't really want to die, you just want to be better. Saying things like that is a call for help! We hear you! Keep posting!
the world, personal and otherwise has doubled in confusion for me. at 63 i've seen a lot, been through a lot, but NOTHING like what played-forth the past several months.
I am glad to hear that you have a few family members around you. I so admire your courage to reach out and share your struggles. In my experience with depression, it is always helpful to talk about what you're going through with others.
If you don't feel like you have someone close to talk to, would you consider calling 1-800-273-8255?
You are in my prayers, friend.