aggression isnt an answer.. and mostly unneccesary

flippant assholeness isn't good either... but i'm sure I wasn't being aggressive purposely and you weren't purposely being a flippant asshole either....

walking away now....

it doesnt matter.. even in a freindly place like this, ones words will always be seen/heard different than intended.

Risk, you are here posting so it seems you want some kind of help... why don't you accept what's being offered to you and at least try to see if it's helpful to you.

Good luck to you... hope you make a better choice.

A motive, my kids, yup that is one for me.

Another motive is CPS crawling up my ass at every avenue, yup another great motivator.

Wanting to be well, motivated to stay in DBT therapy(individual and group) attend nutritional therapy as well as anger management. Yup those all qualify as well.

I think you should get motivated to find an anger management group because this displaced anger is not helping you or anyone else.

Why won't you consider going to a doctor or therapist? By choosing not to even bother seeing whether or not they can help you you are only serving to perpetuate the problem.

It took me until I was 18 to go to a therapist the first time. I had been depressed and cutting myself for about 5 years by then. When I finally sucked up my pride and went, I felt like a total idiot for not having chosen to go sooner... I'm not on meds, never have been and probably never will be, but therapy helped me a lot.. and gave me the oppourtunity to discuss with someone the possibility of using meds, which we decided together, professional and patient, were not the right route for me to take.

What I'm trying to say is that if you truly want to get yourself out of this hole you're in you need to make the effort to try different avenues. DS is great, but sitting around posting on depression boards isn't enough to actually get to the root of the problem. You need the guidance of a professional that has seen this over and over and over again.

Your motive should be to simply get rid of this mental illness and find enjoyment in life. If you really hate the situation you're in now, that in itself is a motive. Work on making friends here and that'll help you see a reason-for-being too.

I know what you're asking for. If it helps, I got it in your first post. I was like that too. Some days I still find myself wondering why I bother. When I'm at my worst, I always find my motive in my best friend. She's always been there for me and I've always sworn that I would do anything for her. I know she hates it when I dig myself deeper in the hole. It scares her because her brother committed suicide. I'd give my life to be able to take that pain away from her and when I think that I could frighten her just by being hopeless, it sure kicks me in the rear and makes me pick myself back up. That's my personal motivation. I also find motivation in God.

There is somebody out there that care deeply for you and it hurts them to see you in those gray areas. When you can find the will in you to do it for yourself, do it for somebody you love dearly.