Depression Support Group
Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.
So what?
Ok.. so I am sure everyone has seen the thread about "important" members leaving.
Yes, some people have left, and some are in the middle of making the decision to do so.
That's fine. People come and they go.
I don't know why it is that suddenly so many people are unhappy with DS. I don't know why some people suddenly feel like this place isn't helpful. I guess it isn't helpful for them.
That's fine. Some things work for some and not for others.
People are complaining about not being able to speak their minds. I really have no idea where this is coming from. Each and every post I have EVER made on DS has been 100% honest and 0% sugarcoated. I say what I think. Someone asks for advice, I give them what I think is the best advice I can give. Someone asks for comfort, I try to give them that. Someone wants to vent, I listen. I think most members are like this. Most members speak from the heart. They really do care.
None of us are professionals. We're just regular Janes and Joes trying to help one another out. So, yeah, sometimes you might get shitty advice. Sometimes you might get nothing but "there there" and "hugz!" because members just don't know what else to do to help you in your situation. Sometimes you will hear opinions you disagree with or don't want to hear. Sometimes you won't hear the things you need to hear.
It's because DS isn't perfect, and neither is its members.
If you have an issue with that, please do leave. It's what's best for you and the rest of us here.
Personally, I'm willing to roll my eyes at some of the stupid shit that is said and done here and move on so that I can take advantage of the positive things I gain from this site. I hope that most of you are willing to hold onto this as well.
I love DS.
Ok.. so I am sure everyone has seen the thread about "important" members leaving.
Yes, some people have left, and some are in the middle of making the decision to do so.
That's fine. People come and they go.
I don't know why it is that suddenly so many people are unhappy with DS. I don't know why some people suddenly feel like this place isn't helpful. I guess it isn't helpful for them.
That's fine. Some things work for some and not for others.
People are complaining about not being able to speak their minds. I really have no idea where this is coming from. Each and every post I have EVER made on DS has been 100% honest and 0% sugarcoated. I say what I think. Someone asks for advice, I give them what I think is the best advice I can give. Someone asks for comfort, I try to give them that. Someone wants to vent, I listen. I think most members are like this. Most members speak from the heart. They really do care.
None of us are professionals. We're just regular Janes and Joes trying to help one another out. So, yeah, sometimes you might get shitty advice. Sometimes you might get nothing but "there there" and "hugz!" because members just don't know what else to do to help you in your situation. Sometimes you will hear opinions you disagree with or don't want to hear. Sometimes you won't hear the things you need to hear.
It's because DS isn't perfect, and neither is its members.
If you have an issue with that, please do leave. It's what's best for you and the rest of us here.
Personally, I'm willing to roll my eyes at some of the stupid shit that is said and done here and move on so that I can take advantage of the positive things I gain from this site. I hope that most of you are willing to hold onto this as well.
I love DS.
1) Profanity laced advice may work with long time friends, but otherwise not so good an idea.
2) Advice needs to assist, not insist. Odds are somewhere near 100% that there are important details in a person's life that are important to their choices that we do not know! Don't get upset if people don't take your advice!
3) Tough love is hugely misunderstood. If you would not want "tough love" from this person, why are you trying to give it to them?
4) For reasons we may never understand, some people are in a rut, live the rut, and don't want to leave it. But they want to complain about it. They are not ready for advice about how to get out of the rut. Don't let it become a personal thing for you; they will be ready when they are ready.
This list is not complete, but it covers the basics.
I just wanted to let you know that .. I really can't describe how much respect I have for you.
There is a reason you are a CL.
You seem to have a real knack for keeping your cool in every situation and discussion.
goodfight these are your words "DS is what you make of it. Is it right for everyone no. That's ok they can find what works better for them. I think it does help folks that need a encouraging word or some honest advice from folks that have dealt with these issues themselves." ......................... too bad that if you actually offer honest advice you are demonized for it here now. never used to be that way but too many ppl cried that someone was mean to them by being honest with them and now all you can do is offer enabling words...not even encouraging ones, let alone real advice.
I try to be as considerate as possible, and sometimes have spent more than an hour thinking of how best to respond to a post, and then review and revise several times before sending. It is hard to know what might offend or hurt someone, beyond the obvious things like name-calling or blaming that would hurt anyone. I also know that many people are not just struggling with depression, but have other concerns as well, such as chronic physical illnesses, anxiety, personality disorders, PTSD, and other psychiatric conditions that can distort thinking and reasoning, just as depression can. I have distortions in my own thinking because of such factors, not to mention how our real life problems can make it more difficult for us to always respond with as much patience and care as we would like..
I would never, ever deliberately hurt anyone here. For me, and I think for just about everyone else here, that is a given. I don't want to shock someone into reality or wake them up to the truth or anything like that. That isn't my place, and IMO, should only happen in a face-to-face session with a professional therapist, or between very close friends. Sometimes I think I might see something in a post, and I ask about it in my reply. I become very upset and hurt when my reply has hurt someone, or made a person think I was being rude and mean to them, because I wasn't trying to do any harm to them. I only wanted to put something out there for their consideration, something that maybe they had not thought about before. If it's wrong or way off-base, then it should be disregarded. If there might be a grain of truth in the question, then hopefully that gives the person an idea to look at that might help them in their recovery or lead them to a solution for a problem. I have been hurt too much in life to consciously and intentionally be rude or hurtful to someone else. The only thoughts of leaving I have had have come when I wasn't sure I was strong enough to move past having offended others, not because of any perceived "deficiency" on the part of DS.
I have learned over the years that my anger often covers my deepest fear. It seems far "safer" to be angry than to be afraid. Anger can be directed outward, it is someone else's fault, there is an object of blame. Fear requires looking inward and facing the truth inside oneself, and involves risk.
I agree about Pepper and WV - KUDOS, and thanks!
Everyone who is (for lack of better terminology) on the "DS is going downhill" side keep saying things like "the older members know.." "the older members have seen these changes..." "the newer members haven't seen what's gone on.." and blah blah blah..
Just thought I'd mention that I probably fall under the "older members" category, as I have been on DS for about 3 or so years. I've gone through phases of activity on here - sometimes I wasn't on for months and months. But I have been here long enough and watching these boards long enough that if there had been major changes I would notice.
The only change I have noticed in the three years I've been on here is the amount of trolls...
When it comes to regular non-troll members, I haven't seen much change.
I remember when I first started using DS I took a really long break from it for a while because I was starting to find in depressing because a lot of people posted about the same things all the time - especially suicide posts.. they were everywhere.
What I have noticed is that DS kind of goes through ups and downs with these things. There are some days/weeks/etc where the boards are full of super depressing posts.. and there are others when they are covered in silly funny posts.. but for the most part there is a healthy mix of sad, silly, and genuine advice.
So.. IMO.. No, DS hasn't changed... just some of its members have.
carolina320
carolina320
Female, 45, Yo Momma
Status: " The next time you wave at me, how about using all of your fingers "......
About Me: Hmmmmmmmm........ Ask me and i may tell you..... Trying to figure out \"about me myself\"
Support Groups: Depression, Fibromyalgia, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, Families & Friends Affected By Suicide, DailyStrength Members Community
View More Posts Reply #106 - 08/05/09 11:41am
i have been reading this post since it started and i agree with alot of things said ,but i also disagree with some of them,but you know what,thats me....
with that being said,yes there are some here that some days i would love to pinch their heads off because i get sick and tired of seeing them post time after time,doing the same things expecting different results,because they choose not to get off of their ass and do anything about it..
with that being said i have to check myself and ask myself why is this upsetting me so much...is it my determination or my ego......
when i reach out to offer my help or advice, once i offer it,then i have to let go and let God or whom ever the person chooses to call a Higher Power..... period...
i have lost friends on here because they haven't agreed with what i have to say,but you know what its their loss,not mine...
i myself have fought tooth and nail to get to where i am today and its been one heck of a journey,but some may not be as "strong" as i am or determined....but i don't want to sit in my crap for too long and stay misreable....
i guess the bottom line for me is to each his on..if i want to give hugs,or dish out tough love,then thats me and you can take it or leave it,its entirely up to you,but don't you dare judge me in how i do it unless you walk a mile in my shoes...
I remember one particular post( cant remember the name) I went into it with my narrow opinion and left with another. I felt I really learned something about myself and others. Its posts like that i miss. Sure we fought, we disagreed, we agreed and we were passionate at times....BUT the post never got closed and Im pretty sure most of us learned something new. Thats how we can grow as individuals....
I miss those days where we spoke freely and when not everyone agreed we would practice conflict resolution.....the way we do in real life. Now there is no chance for that because the post would get closed.
Im glad that some of the newbies see DS as a great place. I guess its cause you dont know what you'er missing.....but the oldbe's do....I think that some of the potential that DS had, has been taken away.
This is all in my humble opinion.