Well, I don't really have any sound advice, as I'm fairly depressed myself, and I also struggle with anxiety.

My life certainly hasn't turned out the way I expected, so you are not alone on that. However, it's never too late to turn things around, and start living the life we want and deserve.

Mind asking what meds you are on? How long you've been on them? Some meds take a few weeks to a month (around) to start working. And in certain cases, they do actually make you more depressed.

I can't take Prozac, for instance. It makes me much more depressed, despite possibly helping in other areas. I'm not actually on any anti-depressants anymore, just an anxiolytic and a mood stabilizer. They help as much as they can. The rest I have to put in some effort, as hard as it is.

That isn't saying you aren't doing that at all. I'm confident in you and your ability. It's hard now, but things aren't always going to be hard. Things may not be the same as they once were, with your lost love.

I also agree with you on the point about people saying "You never know what's going to happen" or "Life has it's surprises". While this is true, it doesn't do much at all to help us in our current plight. Hate to quote a song I don't really like but, "No wise words gonna stop the bleeding."

I don't think you're negative. I think you're struggling with depression and anxiety, which is something millions of people do. I can understand some people saying "Life is good", as to them, it genuinely may be. I have no issue with that. What I do have issue with is when people take the opposite stance, and say "Life is hard" or "Life is a struggle", because to them, it is. The words of advice often aren't very helpful either, such as "Just get over it." "Your life isn't so bad", etc.

It's funny you use the word "bleak", because on another forum, I've started using that as my screen name. I'm not really as depressed as I once was. Now, I'm mainly apathetic and uncaring. Numb and bored. I still chose it, because I think my outlook on life right now is quite bleak. I haven't (and don't intend to) give up hope, to stop trying. It's a struggle, but I'm forcing myself to get out more, apply for jobs, attempt to socialize more, but it's all so meaningless to me, so grim, so...bleak.

Please keep posting here. I've found that posting here is beneficial to me, even if sometimes it takes more effort than it should (or feels that way). Everyone needs some place to vent, whether it's to a therapist, a trusted family member, a diary, or some form of support group (online, in person, whatever helps).

I here you I have suffered from depreshion all my life .......I use to say that all the time since I was little that I didn't want to be here when I was little I even asked god to take me back home I didn't belong here .......so I have been worse and I have been better ........I have found I do have to push my self to get out side even if it is just in my yard ....I know what it is to louse your true love because I once lost mine .......not because of what we wanted ......and 5years later we found eachother and haven't been apart since ........so I know how lucky I am .......now I don't say I don't want to be here .....I have children and grandchildren and one on the way and two greatgrandchildren ......and I think I want to stay around and watch them grow up even though I am having a hard time now eney one would look at my life I don't have the big house we have a little one but it is ours and I don't have lots of money but we have enough that we can live and do the things we love to do so people say why are you depressed .......first I have a des ease depreshion is a sickness that needs to be looked after I tell them ......and if somthing happens that hurts me I get much worse and need more help .........but I go for that help as soon as I see I need it now .....there was a time I just crept everything in and I learned the hard way I needed to talk and to get all the hurts out ......so I talk now ..........and I came and found this place because I just realy needed to talk to someone who understood what it was I went through ........because people who have not been through it just have no clue what you are going through ........and don't understand you just can't turn it off if could I wouldn't of gone through all my life with it I can tell you that because it I sent Easley to live with and even with the meds and doctors you I still have to push my self to feel better to do more to get out more it is for me a Dailey strugal....and I can't spell sorry.......so I live one day at a time .......I make my self a goal but don't beat up my self if I haven't got it done by a certin date I do what I can .........some days I just need a break and so I take one making sure not to let it become a habit ...........one thing I am just sturbern enough to never give up the fight it will not win ..............and I have been at a place befor I was treated ware I tried to comit subside and I was so bad I was hearing voices they were all around me calling my name and I was just crying all the time I got a bool and the knife drawer and went under the city hen table and I tried every knife and not one of them were sharp enough to cut the skin I even tried a saftiepin I found that just hurt than my son woke up from his after noon sleep he was 3. And I just snapped right out of it and I relised he would of been the one to find me I wouldn't of made a mess on the flour because I had the big bool ......realy .....my head was in a hole different place I never want to get that bad again I will put my self in the hospital first ......and I never want to hurt eney one I love by doing that to them eather ......still I am not totally convinced I would of realy done it I think I would of defenatlu cut my self that was a scarrie place to be .......so talk don't keep things in even if you think they are just little things if they are bothering you than there is no little or big just things you need to get out ...........I know you can't see it now but things can get better and will and you can help by getting the help you need and pushing your self and taking a day off when you realy need it .......meds can take time to get the right mix and dose for you with the least sidificts....so I wish you all the best and I will keep you in my prayers ........god bless

Thank You for your responses. When I said I lost my love, he actually died. My neighbor's friend just died in the same apartment complex. i go to the Widows and widowers support group for that. Synapse, you asked what I waas taaking and right now Lavender for depression because I told my doctor I wanted to go natural but now I am on Buspar for about a week for anxiety, Not working well so far. I would like to work up to numb soon. I am forcing myself, looking for work and trying to keep busy. I know a lot of people's lives didn't turn out as they had wanted but losing my fiance was the worst. I will keep posting. This forum is better than a shrink because people understand and are going thru it. You know it is more than "Just get over it".

Muskrattiger, Thank You for your wonerful words. I used to ask the nuns when I was little why did we have to be here and they would say because God wants us to. Even that young I wanted more answers. People say I have a lot going for me and why am I depressed and I just can't help it. I think if I get better financially I will try some other antidepressants. I am sorry you were in a bad place where you wanted to commit suicide. I can understand that but I alsodo not want to leave behind people and my cats who depend on me. It is funny how you said you make goals but don't beat yourself up by not attaining them. I have just come to that realization. I am still setting goals but if I don't get there I just take more time to do them as long as I do something. I am gonna take time for me and take breaks but like you said I can't make it a habit.

It's funny I have been thru some major stuff so small things don't bother me but sometimes even the littlest thing will get to you. I am hoping things will get better. Like I said this board and the people like you are a blessing. I just wish we didn't have this depression in common.

I am constantly praying so I will pray for you both like I do for so many people in my life and on this board. Thanks.

QP

I am also a widow. My husband died 6 years ago. It is a very hard road to travel and if you suffer from depression and anxiety it is even harder. Life loses its meaning for us and we have to start over I don't think people who have never suffered with depression understand. I am sorry for your loss! I am moving forward as I have no choice but it is hard some days. It took awhile for me to find a job and was almost out of money when I did and it is only part time. I hope life gets easier for you the meds take a few weeks to work.

Thank You. It is hard when you lose someone and I am sorry for your loss. I hope these meds work soon because I just feel so bad. Having no job right now doesn't help and I am so nevous. The depression is bad enough but the anxiety seems even worse with it. It doesn't help when you really do not want to be here in the first place and everyone expects you to love life like they do. Someone actually said to me your not depressed are you? I thought life was hard enough before and now everyday is a burden. I hope your life gets easier also. We all need a break from the bad every now and then.

QP

you have just got to snap out of it. im in your same shoes, as are many of us.

here is what i have been thru the past several years.

1994 i met a girl. my very firs girl friend. i was in 12th grade. in 97 we got married. 2001 she started cheating with her boss. 2010 i found out. 6months after our 3rd child was born. oh here is how the that week went. i lost my job, 2 days later i was driving looking for a job, totaled my car. a day later landlord kicked us out. that same day she said she was leaving me, the next day i found out about her cheating. then it hit me..... the last born is not mine and there is a chance the middle child is not mine.

i had all that hit me in the face in less than a week. battled for 2 years with my feelings and my mind. spent a couple of weeks in the hospital for cutting and tring to poison myself.

then one day she calls and needed me. they split up and she wanted to move back in. i let her. we worked out a lot of things. every thing was going great........... i thought. in less than a year she cheated on me with my sisters husband. my friend...my brother.

so here i am again. my job closed down a month ago and i have nothing.

im not sure what to say.. but your not the only one. dont let your mind take control. you control you.

you need to talk, sent me a message. i dont sleep..

Thanks for responding Scubasteve. I am sorry all that happened to you. It sounds similar to my life. Different circumstances but one after another with no let up. This summer for about a month things looked like they were getting a bit better and then Wham all the bad again. Sometimes people will say to me a lot of people have it worse like that is supposed to make me feel better. I don't want anyone to have it worse so I can feel better. You sound like a nice person giving your wife a second chance. I do notice that nice people seem to get a bad deal in life but I guess it is better than being a jerk. What gets me is that we are supposed to love life and think it is great and want to live forever but to me it is one great big dodge ball game trying to avoid the next problem.

I have been through a lot also but the worst was losing my fiance. I know it happens to others and it was a shock but also I thought, it figures that this would happen to me. Then people wonder why I have anxiety on top of depression. You never know what life has in store they say but I have a pretty good idea. I guess I would die of shock if it were good.

I hope things get better for you. I am trying to take control but it is hard.

Scubasteve, I could not stop thinking about you all day today. I was remembering that I was in a situation like you. I was engaged to a guy and he just dumped me rather cruelly and then he came back and actiually begged me to take him back and literally said Please, please, please,please.please so I did and then he dumped me again. I was a wreck until someone told me that it was him and not me and if anything was my fault it was that I gave my heart to someone like that. So if anything you and I are just too kind and suffer because of it. I hope everything gets better for you.

QP

WELL HERES ONE GOOD THING MY FRIEND ;S,

IM SENDING MY LOVE N HUGGLES TO YOU DC

Go out the door and start walking, yes I'm aware this will not magically fix your depression but it's a start. It forces oxygen into the system and you're probably not aware of this but you are holding your breath. Walking will stop that.. walk tomorrow, and the next day, and the next. Yes I'm serious.

QPXY - Our circumstances are different but we have depression in common. Will be thinking and praying for you tonight. You have a lot of good posts from people in this group - hope that helps.

Thank DC. Back at you with the huggles n love.

PeppersTeddy. thanks for reminding me. I just went for a walk and I also ran. i hope it alleviates some of this anxirty and depression. I am breathing a bit easier. My legs are a bit sore and I am in decent shape but it is more my head that I need to get in shape. thanks
QP

Q, I'm not saying your head doesn't need work, I'm saying that the movement is distraction from circling thoughts that cause anxiety. It's extremely difficult to put things in perspective when this thought cycle and lack of oxygen are constantly stifling the help you may be getting with issues. It's great thinking time also.

Thanks. I am trying to walk and be more active. It does help and sometimes I just think of getting through it rather than the racing thoughts