Honey God does love you. Even though you don not think he does he is there with you right now. I have said your prayer many times myself. I also said that the only reason I would never commit suicide is because I do not want to go to hell.
If you can just think of those who love you. Not one of them can help you? Isolation is a very scary place I have been there too. Sometimes our minds think things we don;t mean. Do you have a therapist to help you or a doctor to see if maybe your meds need changed?
I will keep you in my prayers and pray for God to help you get through this rough spot you have came across. Just know that God never leaves or forsakes us. Just keep praying for him to show you what to do . Sometimes when we feel like he is a mollion miles away is when he is closes to us. I am sending many hugs your way and hope that you get the desperate answer you seek.

If the evil people you mention accept Jesus as their personal savior, that he is the son of god, repents, he will be saved. God hates the sin not the sinner!

God will work in his time not ours. I use to get so tired of waiting for his miracle. When I gave up telling him what to do, he worked my life out for me. Am I still depressed, yes/ I just deal with it better.

i admire your faith, but remember maybe god wants you to help yourself and maybe you are meant to find your own way, with help of course. im glad u have faith and dont want to commit suicide keep hold of that its a gift x much love

The way i see it, if this God (christian I am assuming) is so altruistic, and 'all-seeing', omnipotent fella, then he would know the multi-facetted reasons for you wanting to, attempting to or succeeding to kill yourself.
What a nice ball of all-pervasive energy 'he' is to shove you onto an elevator down to hell.
real nice.

Basically, if you believe in the psychology of projections - then you will believe that it is also possible to be saying one thing outwardly but to be implying another.
So it is not beyond the realms of feasibilty that what you are so desperate for is self love, and as that goal is not being achieved yet you are looking for a higher power to make you feel better about yourself.
I have felt this way when I have been trying to make sense of reality - I don't know if you are being serious though, are you?
I can never tell online.

Anyway if you are, you may want to see some evidence of angels, or anything of that sort. Same as I should seek for some evidence of ghosts - the best thing to do is to know there is something else, but probably not up to your expectations.

if Jesus did really come back down a sunbeam, then I would actually cry out of laughter and shock. Sorry, that was unescessary to write in this context - but hey, that would mess up an atheists "belief" system.lol.

Try putting your feet on the ground and having a look at why you feel the way you do - if god does things to us so we can search for other meanings, why was that search or meaning there in the first place?
for love?
And love for what?
Is that the ultimate goal?
Egotism?

Well. I think as you cannot escape the bounds of self love you might as well just accept it in yourself.

P.s there is no pure good, or pure evil - it was made up to control people. Our ideas of good and bad change over time and when you see a killer who detests men that sexually abuse children the balance starts fraying.
Life is WAY more complex than that, or anything I've just said.

Self love is more about, well, self acceptance and trying to be - not unbiased, but accepting of your faults. When you put your faults through a magnifying glass, or detest them so much they become bigger than they are.
When you say 'hey, I know you're there but I'm not letting you grow, and neither am I hindering you', then your faults will go 'oh, ok, so what now? I just exist as myself and nothing more? Ok, we're ok!'

There. That's my love for today.
All you're gonna get.

I had a NDE (near death experience) while in High School from an allergy injection reaction. God's Love is amazing. I wish I could share that feeling accurately for the rest of my life. My trouble? I was so overwhelmed by His unconditional Love that I was giddy and on probation all thru High School and college. (did get good grades though and stayed away from drugs). You have such much power to help others because of what you are going thru. Mother Teresa had her doubts. Who doesn't? Just love yourself and cast a cooling welcome shade on those you meet.

God loves ea and every one. he hates sin. he hates that people who know better and have prayed and recieved forgiveness continue in that which they had prayed for forgiveness. for these he might turn his back to them who insist on to continue to do that which they had asked for forgiveness.
Those with criminal mind - inheritant that which thier parents had passed onto them.
If criminal minded people will allow a person or persons to cast satin workers out of them , then they can seek God, pray the sinners pray, and lay down thier troubles for - to God to deal with and they can recieve God as thier savior.
God will not tolerate those who blas'phine his name and take his name in vain nor try to test him.
For those who willinging accepted evil to enter them and thier lives and the christian who back slid, we can pray for them and if they presist to cling to evil then we can have pity for them and yep there comes a time that we can dust the dust off our shoes and turn on backs on them as in totally forget them for they are far more than lost.
God so loves you that he made his son into flesh and sent him to die for us- for you.
Jesus so loves you that he died for you and rosed for you.
God knew your name even befor your Grandparent became parents. am sure you know the song "yes Jesus love me for the bible tells me so " it a cute song and were never to old to hum and sing it.
Mikail even atheist belive in God are they wouldn't be atheist who protest Jesus and insist that there is no God. quite silly aren't they!
Iv been ask by many atheist on thier dealth bed to pray for them. yep I refuse but I taught them how to pray and after they prayed I would pray w them.
Did God love them anyless, no. he hates that which they loved (the world)and lived for ( gifts & curses of satin workers).
I dont want anyone to go to hell. and if a life long sinner accepts God on thier dealth bed & prays the sinner pray and ask for forgiveness. I feel that God will cast out evil ( which will blow the person mind for they will see ea & every one of thier life long sins and snow ball effects that thier lives had on others who they may have caused others to cause others to sin ( now thats a heck of scar on thier soul to be accountable for)
there will come a time that ea of us will stand in judge ment and God will say "you served me will" or "I know you not"
For those who accept God but continued to mock God - will ya he still loves them but he will tell them that he does not know them.

Mikail, you may not have transportation in which to attend church. call around to chuchs in ph book and locate one that has van trasportation service.
If you have a pdoc then you have a case worker. your case worker can make arrangement for you to go out to eat and to get bk & fouth to your appts and she/he can even arrange pdoc appts to held over the phone.

Clutter can cause depression.
dirty house can cause depression.
Your case worker will even bring you waste bags or have waste bags drop off to you.
for 1 hr every day bag clutter and dont go bk threw the baged junk - get rid of it.
Clean 1 room at a time. If needed take up to a wk to clean a rm, just do it.

If you have disability insurance then your case worker can contact a state program which offers house clean service at no out of pocket cost to you - the service is based on person income & bills & med cost & Dr appt cost.

Your case worker can even assist with lineing you up to get meals on wheels.
hey thats 1 meal a day that you wont half to fix nor wash dish's. Those who assist meal on wheels program may know of free transportation service to - lets say get togethers to play cards once a wk.
Most free transportation service run on tips. so when possible at least donate 2 - 10$'s to assist w gas & insurance,tax's etc...

A church can provide companionship.
I always feel better and filled w joy and happiness when I attend church. its like it recharges my mind & body battery for the following wk.
Plus we all need human touch. church is a good place for hugs, hand shakes, pat on back.

I love myself and life and I want to live forever and at least pass 100 yrs old. I actually want to live to be at least 140 yrs old w sound mind.
do I have bad days absolutly. I even have physical depression. I have days that I cant seem to get out of bed but I managed crawl to and from bth rm. and no matter how bad I feel I will wash my face and while sitting on toilet I will take a quick sponge bth.
Yes i have even brushed my teeth while sitting on the toilet because I didnt have the entergy to stand long enough to brush my teeth.

Mikail, if you have SSDI you can obtain medicaid. call difrent dentist offcs to see who accepts medicaid.
1st visit userly is for x rays which may cost $160.00 to $200.00.
to extract 5 teeth cost apron $1.300.00.
Am haveing my wisdom teeth extracted and 1 cavity. total of 5 extractions for me at same time. my dentist better give me enough pain meds to get me thur a whole wk.
Afterward am having a perment tooth installed and veerners at tune of $9.000.00
ya its alot but am worth it. I have no debt except for mthly uilitys and yrly car insurance & car tax's.

Isolation is depressive so call local churchs and your case work,k

X's

Becareful what you pray for. I`m on bloodthinners for a bloodclot in my leg. Sunday I had blood in my stool. Its like God is saying I will let you die. I did`nt realize that my prayer was testing God. God gave me a response blood in your stool could kill you if your blood does not clot because of the medication. Without the medication a clot can break loose and cause a pulmonary embolism killing you. Maybe I should pray that God helps me figure out how I can help myself so he can help me. It is said God helps those who help themselves. So what if your depression is so severe you can`t help yourselve??????????

http://www.near-death.com/experiences/research21.html

That website is a collection of Near Death Experiences people have had, I know some people are a bit shaky with putting any faith into NDE's. But what the experiences say about life and everything is amazing. Its so nice to know that god doesn't hate homosexuality, doesn't care what race you are. He doesn't even care what you call him or what religion you come from. He only cares about how nice you are, the person on the inside.

Its also nice to know that the sinners aren't going to burn in a fire for eternity, but rather that everyone will end up being in the joy one day, we will all be in heaven. We just have to learn...

Theres also a section on the site that deals with the suicide-related NDE's but I forgot about what some of it said. But to answer your question Mikail, god does love you very very much.

But I need you to understand that god can't stand by and know your suffering in hell for ever. He can't even bear the thought of you suffering. No one will be in hell forever, we only have to learn that the most important thing in existence is love. You can still learn that in hell.

Also I've come to understand that hell is not a fire-filled place of torment, it is rather just a distance between you and god, and a residence among other people who have not yet learned that love is the answer.

Don't become an atheist they have no holidays. Seriously Mikail God soooo loves you and sees what you are going through. Perhaps,as he often does, wants you to do something first, or he wants you to learn and grow from the experience. I have been suffering from major depresssion and I can feel daily progress in healing because I keep praying and try to do something for someone else, even if it is just to make them smile. Try serving in some capacity you will feel needed and tryly loved by God

God loves you. Allowing you to live here and LEARN is His way of showing you. Once you've learned everything you came here to learn, then you can die and get out of this hell. There are no evil people only evil behaviors, actions, choices. Regardess of our choices God loves each of us, yes.

disclaimer: this is the opinion of The Bistro (you are all intitled to yours).

I pray that God will talk to you and let you know that heis near. Sometimes we feel so bad that it overtakes our emotions to be able to feel hi. I am glad you are reaching out. Do you have a church or Pstor that can pray with you? God does not love pure evil. He loves everyone but cannot love the sinfull things they do.
As much as we can't undestand that type of love. If a murder asks for forgiveness and truly repents in their heart and turns from their wicked ways and follows God yes they will be forgiven and be able to go to Heaven. But they have to repent and accept him in their heart and turn from their sin before that can happen.
That is why Jesus died on the cross so that everyone would come to repentance and follow him and walk in his ways. There is not one who is not sinful. The only one now sits at the right hand of the Father and that was Jesus.
I hope that you feel better soon. I know things can seem so confusing some times.