Hello, 

I'm going to try to make this post not too confusing.  I've had a really challenging couple of days.  If any of you may have been reading my posts over some time, I've talked a lot about the struggles with work and my career.  I was a public school teacher, upper grades, for a long time, and at some point I just knew it was time to go.  It just is not sustainable for me.  I'm currently working on a Master's degree and in the interim have been subsititute teaching which has been the only part time job I have been able to get.  Substituting is a big step down for me in terms of pay and skill level.   I am going into software development/design.

Anyway, I finished a software internship this summer, it was unpaid but it worked out to be an amazing experience.  I had to get back to work at the school, this fall.  My plan was to substitute this last semester of college and I really need the money.  The schoolyear has not started out well. Last year was good. This year there are not a lot of assignments available yet-last year there were tons in middle and upper grades which I do well at.  Currently there are only positions in special ed with profoundly disabled.

These assignments are very physically demanding and not a great fit for me.  I usually avoid taking them but I need the money as it's the only thing on offer currently.  So I took one this week.  To make matters worse, unbelievably, I've developed a syndrome on my feet in which hard connective tissue grows on the bottom of the plantar fascia.  It hurts like crazy and makes it hard to walk.  I guess it's genetic and there is not much you can do about it.  There are not a lot of treatments or cures-mainly surgery-excision of the plantar fascia. A long recovery and a month of no driving or walking!  Surgery is risky and discouraged along the bottom of the feet, a last resort.  I did a topical treatment this summer while working from home.   It was getting better over the summer and was fine the first week back at  school, but when I wore sandals in combination with taking this very demanding position, I was in a lot of pain, just not the best fit for me.

What happened next was not what I expected.  I have substituted quite a bit, I did it when I got my BA.  It was for me an easy and uneventful job.  I was horrified when I got a call from the principal at home late Monday-the supervisor of Sped complained to the principal about me!  It was my first and only day on this assigment. The job was supposed to be one of three days, working with profoundly disabled early childhood.  I went to the principal's office and she was really nice, she said that there was nothing wrong per say and that I didn't do anything wrong, but that I guess the sped director wished I was more physically active and hands on.

I thought it was a fair criticism and accepted the feedback. I told the principal that special ed reallly isn't my wheelwell, and my expertise is upper grades. She left it up to me if I wanted to come back, and I that I would finish out Tuesday, and if they wanted to assign someone else for Wednesday that would be OK. She encouraged me to come back for other assignments. I was embarrassed but I dealt with it. The principal indicated that the sped director said that the she was giving me direction to be more active but that I wasn't taking the hint?  That part I was not comfortable with. I felt like she was implying I was dense.  I do understand what is going on-the job is too physical for me.  The principal said "don't be shy, take the bull by the horns, don't be afraid to touch or pick up the kids."  That is really different for me because high school is the polar opposite-it's Hands Off. These kids were very young.

I went back to work and did what the principal said.  The kids I was assigned to work with were absent and I had nothing to do, so I jumped in, took the hand of a student and went with another teacher to help them with toileting.  The assistant turned around with rage in her eyes and almost shouted at me. She said, "Don't you know where you are supposed to be?!!  Why are you here with us?!  Aren't you supposed to be back in the classroom?!!"

Stunned, I froze in my tracks. I almost couldn't talk.  I put my hands up in the air, lowered my head and said,  "I won't trouble you.  I will go immediately."  I turned and went back to the clasroom, trying not to cry.  One of the other subs from my agency was there, and I wasn't totally comfortable with him either.  I kinda felt like he was hitting on me. I explained what happened and he sympthazied. He used to teach high schoo math I guess and had some similar experiences with subbing, he thought it was really petty. I amost just left the assignment and went home.

I think the lady realized what she did, when she came back to the classroom she suddenly changed her attitude- she was super nice and welcoming, going out of her way to be overly nice to me.  I had thought of reporting the incident on a feedback form to my company, but I didn't because I'm aware that they already don't like me now, and I didn't want them to come back on me and have them retailate. so I said nothing.  I really wanted to drop it after the principal feedback-they handled it in house and didn't report me to my agency which would have been bad!  When I came home, the bottom of my foot was hurting terribly-an issue I have never had before.  Now I am basically starting to feel old and useless.  I know it's egotisitical, but as a high school teacher, I gave the instructions, I was in charge of hundreds of people some times, people looked up to me, so it's a blow to be in this situation.  I can accept valid criticism in a professional way, but being hated on is something I'm not OK with.  I also had the wrong vibe from the office staff and others, people just staring and gaping at me like I was an alien when I've done several assignments there already last year.  Even the kids remembered me and said hi. I was so angry!

I woke up very sick yesterday and had to cancel my assignment for today. I'm sick at home these couple of days with flu, so bummed out.  Looking at the dashboard there are no other assignments for the next couple months, only special ed which frankly I don't want to take more of.  The district has 42 schools. I did a lot of high school and middle school last year and really enjoyed it.  Early childhood is not for me.

I just don't know what to do. Along with my new foot/joint condition, I feel like the universe is telling me to move on. The assignment list for August is bare-there is nothing else to take. I just didn't expect what happned this week and I'm very upset.  The only other thing is that my agency could place me elsewhere in the city where there may be more work.  They are contracted with many districts in my county, like 25 to be exact.

I mean it's just not worth it to me-the pay is SO low, and it's just supposed to be part time. It reminded me of why I left Elementary Ed years ago, the culture of cattiness and infighting was ridiculous so I moved on over ten years ago.  I was really thrown by what happened.  I'm not saying I did a great job and that I don't need any improvements, it was just the culture and climate and how unwelcome I felt.  I felt terrible.  They didn't seem to like the other guy that was placed either and some of the other workers, I noticed them being talked down to and being ignored.