I feel like it's hard to find a therapist that really knows what to do and is good. The one that I had before was dropped by insurance and another one that I had and liked really feels like I should have nothing to do with my family, which for me is pretty hard, so we didn't agree on that.  Maybe she is right, I don't know.

I had three sessions with a new therapist and I was not feeling it.  She seemed disorganized and I came to an appointment and she didn't have it on the schedule, so that was one thing.  I have a diagnosis of depression and PTSD.  I was in a hospital for two weeks after an attempt many years ago, but she just didn't seem to believe that I was having much depression.  I still have moderate to severe symptoms, she didn't seem to believe it though. She said that I didn't "seem depressed" but then she complained that I was too serious.  Well, I have a lot of abuse and trauma, so yeah I am coming to therapy with pretty serious issues.  She kept talking incessantly and joking around, saying, "Why so serious?"  I didn't like it at all. I wasn't able to get a word in edgewise or talk about the things that I needed to.  I walked out of there yesterday angrier and more upset then when I walked in and found that I was fake smiling and laughing just to make her feel better. I was so drained by the time that I left.  She talked a lot about her financial issues. She was trying to get me to laugh at really serious things, like domestic abuse.  Not feeling it. 

I called my university yesterday, they have phone counseling. Apparently they can set you up with someone either over the phone or in person.  I don't even have to go through insurance or pay for it. So we'll see. I called yesterday and have a phone appointment tomorrow for a regular therapist. Usually I prefer to go in person, but it's more important to resonate with the therapist. So, we'll see how it goes.  It's like dating-I had a date this weekend and realized that I was not compatible with the person so I won't see him again. Same with this. Same with when you are interviewing for a job, I recently had an interview and realized it wasn't working, so I didn't take the job. It's better not to move forward if it isn't working, mental health is kind of a big deal so I won't force it if it isn't working.