Depression Support Group
Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.
I finally got the answers and closure I need for the friendship that ended. For that I am grateful.
A lot of emotions have run through my head, but I think what it made me realize is I did not really do anything wrong.
I think this ex-friend (ex-friend sounds weird??) of mine is being clouded by the distortions caused by depression.
They told me I wore them down by always talking about my depression, the death of my father, my mom treating me poorly, etc. Except that is not true. The majority of our conversations were laughing, joking, and lighthearted. When we skyped it was just us being goofy most of the time. We had one of those friendships where we could talk about anything and everything and we just had a fun time.
Yes, sometimes I did talk about my issues usually because they asked how I was doing and they told they were there for me when I needed them. I can understand how it could be depressing or provoke anxiety in someone suffering from depression and anxiety. Perhaps at one point they cared and it was too hard to see someone they cared about suffering??? Or maybe that is my wishful thinking.
But our friendship was mostly positive and not an 'oh woe is me' fest on my part.
So I can't help but think the depression distorted me sometimes mentioning my struggles into an all of the time thing in their head.
I guess what I am getting at is nothing is as black and white as it is in our head. I thought I did something wrong, but in the end I really didn't. They did not really do anything wrong either. It was the depression making things seem worse than it was in reality.
A lot of emotions have run through my head, but I think what it made me realize is I did not really do anything wrong.
I think this ex-friend (ex-friend sounds weird??) of mine is being clouded by the distortions caused by depression.
They told me I wore them down by always talking about my depression, the death of my father, my mom treating me poorly, etc. Except that is not true. The majority of our conversations were laughing, joking, and lighthearted. When we skyped it was just us being goofy most of the time. We had one of those friendships where we could talk about anything and everything and we just had a fun time.
Yes, sometimes I did talk about my issues usually because they asked how I was doing and they told they were there for me when I needed them. I can understand how it could be depressing or provoke anxiety in someone suffering from depression and anxiety. Perhaps at one point they cared and it was too hard to see someone they cared about suffering??? Or maybe that is my wishful thinking.
But our friendship was mostly positive and not an 'oh woe is me' fest on my part.
So I can't help but think the depression distorted me sometimes mentioning my struggles into an all of the time thing in their head.
I guess what I am getting at is nothing is as black and white as it is in our head. I thought I did something wrong, but in the end I really didn't. They did not really do anything wrong either. It was the depression making things seem worse than it was in reality.
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Do you think anxiety is genetic or comes from your environment? What are your thoughts?
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Many of you know Mr K told me to "shut your mouth" in March 2025 when we took a road trip to Alpena Michigan. Since that time, we have had lots of ups and downs but I have never intentionally hurt Mr K in anyway. And when we first started dating in 2024 he let me know, although he is an engineer by degree, he has an extremely low EQ. Overall, he is ok (not off the charts nice like other guys in...
being depressed and being unable to cope with somebody else's depression is one thing, but somebody getting ANGRY over somebody in pain is another.
and guilt over this is definitely wrong; maybe confusion, but not guilt.
and from me who have had rabid guilt from people making sure I was the scapegoat for what they themselves did....as well having the volunteer head of a mental health group YELL at me: GET OVER IT!, when I started telling him my life story, only one time!
some / lots people are in so much mental pain that they are just plain SELFISH----and don't care one bit about others who are in pain.
maybe your "friend" (I have lots of "friends" in my past) was even jealous that you had some good times----I even met somebody who complained when I and 2 others were in a rare good mood, to go to atlantic city from pa!
I do not wish to speak ill about someone I care about, but I do not know how someone can decide a person they supposedly once cared about is no longer worthwhile because they occasionally have a hard time dealing with the death of their father and their issues with their mother.
It just feels so cold hearted and it's hard to believe people are that cold. Especially someone that was so caring and compassionate.
It makes no sense to me, but all I can do is not let it interrupt the progress I have been working so hard to make.
I know this may sound crass, but you really don't need people in your life that cannot understand what you are going through. If they can't take the time to realize what the disease is all about, it will only make your depression worse. It may hurt for awhile, but in the end, you will have one less friend to bring you down. What you need is to be uplifted, just the opposite of what they were offering. You are number 1. Hugs GB
But I'll be honest it is hard hearing negative things about this person. I still care a lot. The friend I knew was the complete opposite of the one saying they cannot be friends because I sometimes talked about my struggles.
It is really hard for me to wrap my head around. It feels like it the illness talking. It's hard for me to imagine someone being that much of a jekyll and hyde. But that is the type of 180 they did.
I don't know. I don't want to think I was deceived that badly. It hurts so much. I just cannot stop crying. I thought I was doing okay but the more I think about how they used to be the more it hurts.
Not necessarily, penntucky! In order to have a good, strong, honest relationship foundation, real friends call each other on each other's shit! I admire your friends, BlueYonder, for their honesty, however brutal that honesty might be.
My family has educated themselves about my mental illness and they are mostly supportive. Sometimes if they are really stressed out they don't really want to hear about it like how my Mom is on chemo right now.
I hope you are doing ok and you figure this out soon
Good luck.
I actually do agree that sometimes brutal honesty is needed, but this is a case of gross exaggeration. The majority of our friendship was spent laughing and having a good time. Sometimes I did talk about my problems and if that is a problem for others because god forbid a person mention their father's death then I think that says more about you than me.
And it's certainly not brutal honesty when I am working hard to address my problems and they are doing exactly zilch for their own. I call that hypocrisy.
Unfortunately, they've made it clear they want nothing to do with me. So unless they look at things differently, remember the good outweighed the bad by a ton then I am out of a friendship for good.
And that has my emotions all over the place. On one hand I know in my heart I did not do anything wrong, but on the other I miss the person I knew. I think they just got too used to retreating any time their emotions get difficult that they don't realize how it affects others. I want to be angry, but at the same time I really hurt for them and their pain. I cry when I think about them suffering.
You are ultimately right, though, friends do not get angry when another person is depressed. I felt like I was a stabbed in the heart when they mentioned me talking about my father. 1) I did not really talk about it much because it was too painful 2) My father died. What the heck does someone expect? Me to rejoice and throw a party?? It just feels so selfish that someone is expected not to talk about a major loss in their life because it upset another person. Okay now I am getting angry lol.
Normally when anyone (off of DS) asks me how I am doing my typical response is "okay" regardless of how I feel. Sometimes I am honest when I am doing bad, bust most of the time I am not. It's just hard for me to open up and I feel ashamed when I am not doing well.
It was no different with this friend. "Okay" was my standard response. To the point where they once stated that I always say I'm okay and they asked if I am really okay or just saying it.
So how is that for irony? But I've learned about cognitive distortions in therapy (boy do I have a lot of them) and I believe this person had a cognitive distortion that magnified me occasionally saying I am doing poorly into a frequent thing in their head. When that wasn't reality.
I just have to comment on how you were treated when you talked about your Father. That was someone who was sacred to you, that loved you and you loved them with all of your heart. For someone not to allow you to speak about that person, however long you need to, is really a shame. If someone doesn't want to hear how you are doing, then don't ask! Bottom line. You WILL get through this, in time. Just don't rush yourself. And in the meantime, be good to yourself. Hugs GB