I am so sorry for your loss. It may be wise to monitor those meds together, although at this point I imagine there is little to do much to ease your pain. it is a very hard thing to lose someone so very early on, or unexpected.
I would lose my mother very suddenly when I was just 15. For me, I was so angry (at God for taking her so soon ) and her for leaving me with an even younger brother and helpless father to care for. It took awhile and some counseling to finally get past that.

Hang onto all the good times you did have-- spend some time with your kids and grandkids. Sharing all those memories does keep them alive in all our hearts. Maybe try to get out with friends or a church group once in awhile to still feel a part of things. And know that as awful as it is that you two can no longer share all your plans, it does not mean you too are sentenced to an empty existence of unhappiness.

My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Thank you for your kind words of support. I also have found myself angry at her for leaving me. We had a wonderful, beautiful marriage and a special friendship. I cannot what you went through at 15 years old. I lost my dad when I was 33 and that was incredibly difficult. My thoughts and prayers are with you as well. I don't think we get past it, I think we get through it as best we can.

If there was scale that went below "horrible" here, that is where I would be. I work all day and I am fine, then comes dusk and loneliness. Right now until my finances are better I am with my best friend, his wife and little 8 year old until the 18th. Although they are here, I am not all "there". I distract easily, I tire easily and my appetite is in the toilet. I find myself short tempered and in a constant bad mood. I have no patience especially for stupid, inane, insane or idiotic behavior. Ordinarily, I would shrug it off, but not any more. There were recently a few women who expressed interest in me and with each and every one of them I explained my situation. They judged me based on the fact that my wife died and then felt I am "required" to be in mourning for at least one year and owed them an explanation as to why I couldn't prevent her death. On top of that, they expressed their inward desires to control every aspect of any relationship they would want including stupid things like , "if you like Trump, you're an a#$%^&*!", too and "if your thoughts don't mirror mine exactly, you're garbage". I am 58 and far to old to be manipulated. I do NOT like being judged by total strangers who have turned out to be nothing more than narcissistic, selfish, cruel and manipulative morons. That is why I isolate and have been avoiding people in general. I also haven't been to church to receive the Sacrament of Reconciliation or the Sacrament of Holy Communion. I have been blaming me for Maria's death, so I feel completely undeserving of Our Lord's mercy and forgiveness.

You should not feel undeserving by any means. I have not been to church forever and also worry about being struck down or judged because of it. I do almost always work on Sundays , but do my best to be a caring person and reach out to others. I do believe (for me anyway) that there is always a reason behind each thing that happens and it eventually does lead me a bit father on my journey and understanding of what is in store for me (When I am brave enough to take the next step)

Even in times like this when we may doubt it, I do believe God is a loving forgiving God (I understand being hard to feel that as you watched her suffer. To me that part does make no sense. Only to him) But if we are sorry (and you ARE NOT to blame for her death.

I am sorry you have crossed paths with some narcissistic idiots. who like to listen to their own voices and nothing more. At this point, dictating a new relationship and needing the details of why you could not save her is way crossed over the lines. (And I will add my 2 cents and say that apparently, I am an ass. I am far more satisfied with Trump than I ever was while the Big O ruled the world. I am sure that will get me flogged by every dem in the land. TS. lol)

I do believe there are kind caring people out there. Hopefully you may come across someone more compassionate and understanding. To be there to listen and be a friend for now... til the time is right for more.

Hugs, KIm

I don't know what it is to lose a good partner to death. But I know what it is to be unbearably lonely. I wish I could say something to cheer u up, or at least make you feel less alone. Hugs to you

Thank you all for your kind and sympathetic input. I AM dealing with f!@#$%^ idiots. When they walk a mile in my shoes, then they might have a small taste of what this loneliness, hurt and sadness is like. On Saturday mornings, I always made the morning coffee, we stayed in bed, watched a little tv before we got into our day. It hurts to wake up alone and lonely without my Maria. I don't want a female companion, I want my Maria.

A love like yours is truly a blessing you were lucky to find. Unfortunately, when something like this happens, you may feel it is a bit of a curse. (Like you are trying to survive without a limb as she was such a big part of you and your life. )

My hope is that you may find a glimpse here and there of what is still here with you. A bright sunny day that you are still here to see. (Knowing that your Maria is most likely up there smiling down on you and wishing she could take away those tears.) She will always be with you -- in your heart.

Hugs,

Veggiequeen: Your words brought tears to my eyes. The last words we ever said to each other two days before she passed was not only that we loved each other and how much we were very much IN love with each other. More than that, I not only loved her and was in love with her, I liked her as human being and my best friend and she told me the same thing. Ours was a very special relationship and as you said truly a blessing. She always called me her angel. Well, she was mine, beautiful heart, beautiful mind and beautiful soul.

And she will always be. :)

Kim: Sometimes when i am in that funky , twighlight sleep, I hear her voice telling me she loves me or I can sense her presence when I am alone. It is very weird, but many people have had the very same experiences. I had it when my grand-mother passed in 1986, when my father passed in 1994 and now with my wife.

By the way, my name is Lou. Feel free to call me that. I don't mind.

I had to upload files onto a flash drive. The flash drive has photos of me and the misses. I forgot and I got weepy. It served to remind me how much I miss her smile, sweetness and love.

Again Lou, you are very fortunate. To have such a strong bond with those you love to actually feel and hear their comforting presence. I hoped and prayed for some of the same when I lost my mom and my father (although that was many years later) I do recall once or twice seeing and feeling them in a dream, but that is as far as I got.

I believe you truly do have angels watching over you. (smiling here)

A friend of mine asked what I was doing during Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Years. You know, originally, I had planned to go to my sisters-in-law's for Thanksgiving because she invited me. I believe that would be inappropriate. I have re-thought that plan. I am going to do NOTHING. My wife is gone, my youngest son is gone, my son in law is GONE. Why on earth would I ever even dream of celebrating anything when all I have managed is to lose people I love? I do have angels watching over me, so I figure I would just spend those days alone and by myself and remember and cherish their memories. There is no sense to my mind to impose on others. That is not fair. . Who wants a gloomy gussed, 58-year-old ogre in their midst anyway?

The Only way i have gotten through the death of my husband along with the death of everything and everyone it seems. Since he died my life has become so lonely..just recently for me. He has been gone for over 3 years now. My children are far too busy for me. I am alone too..the shock has worn off and i have been reading of ways to feel better..so i have been doing this program called Stopp where you take a deep breath and think before you talk...i am a person who usually says what i think..too often. It has helped calm me down this Stopp..i suffered as well from severe depression from all of it. I also try to be Grateful for everything..it really truly helps. I was mad at my husband too.Whats done is done though so either i can be miserable or try and get my brain to think differently. I am sorry for your loss.