I'm not an expert by any means, but what you are describing sounds to me like you may be having a dissociative episode.symptom. a sense of being detached from yourself and your emotions. but that could just be my experience with ptsd that makes it seem this way to me.

I know that during extreme moments of my PTSD, i do what i call zombie out. i am detached from everything, not an emotion in my body, all fact and no substance, with little motivation.

hugs

I'll be very honest, and first off I am a faith based person, I live a faith based life...but when you try and mix treating and understanding Depression which is a Medical Mental Illness with curative Spiritual or religious idealism it can get very confusing, very quick. Depression is not an illness that has a cure or quick treatment plan. It takes a lot of hard work, finding the right treatment plan, be it medications, or therapy, or both, or meds and different kinds of therapy...everyone responds to different things. And finding that one combo of things that works for you, is the key to treating it. Psych meds get a bad rap, its a fact of life. Personally I'm 28 years BiPolar and I've been on a cocktail of 3 - 7 Psych meds everyday for the last 10,220 days, and I've seen a Therapist and a Pdoc every month for the last 336 months. It sounds like a ridiculous number when you break it down, I know. But, I've also been able to earn 3 University Degrees, I've had a 25 yr marriage, I've raised 2 awesome sons, and I've made a life for myself because I worked my Treatment program and I learned how to integrate the BiPolar with my Life, the 2 are 1, that's the only way it works.

It wasn't always good, I've had 5 suicide attempts, spent a fair amount of time in the psych ward, been through 17 Pdocs and stopped counting Therapists a long time ago. I've used literally every Psych med there is and I've done 3 cycles of ECT (Electric Shock Therapy) that saved my life. There's good with the bad and all of it works together. But you have to work at it all the time.

Depression is like that in a way, you can't let yourself give in or give up, because when you do, it's too easy not to get started again. What you talk about as Depersonalization sounds more like your Disassociating, that can happen quite a lot with Depression. It gets too hard to wake up to yet another day of sad, dreary, dark, empty moods...so your brain just tries to remove you from the situation. Your body's there but your mind tries to hide inside itself. The harm with this is if the depression gets too deep, too bad...you can hide too deep and just not come out...you can go into a state of psychosis.

Are you seeing a Therapist regularly or a Pdoc (psychiatrist)? I would strongly recommend that you get some professional help if your not currently seeing someone. I know that it feels like you've been doing this for so long and it seems like its just never going to go away, but it can get better, it can. This isn't something that you can do by yourself, you need help to do it, professional help. And please don't misunderstand me, prayer, and faith is very important for any difficult situation in life, but it can be used in conjunction with medical help.

Take care,
Kat

Yes, this sounds like dissociation. I think there’s some difference between that and depersonalization. I’ve experienced it too. I look at mysel and I don’t know who that is. I suddenly feel like I’m watching a movie, and everyone around me is just a character. It feels like they don’t mayter. Nothing matters. My past experiences, too, I forget. I forget who I am and why I am that way. Can you relate to this?
I really don’t know what to say myself on getting out of it. I think telling people and describing how you feel helps. Even if the words feel worthless and nonsensical, the truth begins to surface through your telling, and you’ll understand better what’s going on. Journalling can help that way too. Try to keep up faith that things will get better. If you expect something to happen, there’s a higher chance of it happening, I think. That’s because your mind just kind of makes it happen for you.
This got reaaally nonsensical! Hope my advice helped.

Thank you for sharing. I would agree with those that say that the only real way of knowing what you have is by a trained professional one on one in person. That would remove any guess work. You are worth knowing about and treating what you have. The Lord uses others to help us when we can't help ourselves. He could cure you of all afflictions, or He could use you as an example to believers and nonbelievers in getting the proper treatment. Either way you are a testimony to His Grace & Love. I do understand that it can be difficult to get that professional help if financial resources are limited, but you would really need someone that really knows you to get proper help. No shame in getting that help. It might be Depersonalization or Disassociation due to Depression. You are worth knowing which and getting help. I have felt before and it is like living in a dream as fear washes over grasping onto what is real and not knowing. Sometimes we ignore to push through, then we go too far. Reality is the people around us that love us and God's Grace And Love. The latter pulled me out. Some would say that is ironic, because they don't believe in imaginary beings. That is their choice, but I believe. Reality might not be a fun place, but the real love is worth it. You are in my prayers. I hope this was of any help. Thank you and God Bless.