So I am really at a crossroads.  I am going to try to keep a long story short, but that is hard to do sometimes.

In a nutshell, I was on the receiving end of domestic violence with my family of origin for many years, and even though I had moved out of the house in my early 20s, I continued to do holidays with my family. Bad idea. Even though I was a visitor, my brother and my father would explode into fits of rage and it became dangerous (even just visiting).  I've been assaulted multiple times by both of them, when under the age of 18 and over the age of 18. The last time I was assaulted I was 23. Police had been involved on two occasions and I was at the hospital once (just to give the background)

A lot of the reason I stuck around and just kept going on with it was that I felt like I just couldn't leave, that I had nowhere to go in terms of family relationship and that I would be isolated, so I kept putting up with this. Some "friends" of mine sort of became like family, but I was betrayed by two of these people. Both of these people were men, and I am female, and the big plan was that to hang around, be friends and be included, I was supposed to eventually sleep with them or start some kind of affair, and when I didn't they turned on me. One of them was from Coda meetings, so I no longer go, and when I recently returned, I saw him there, so I think I might back off from that meeting.

Anyway, for about the past 5-7 years I've been joining a family of people who leave an open invitation for the holidays, and it's been alright. I am friends with the couple, who are about 20 years older than me, and for the holiday they invite several people whose family has passeed, etc. or might other wise be alone. It's usually about ten people.

Things have gotten very bizarre, though. One of the men has sort of become fixated on me and continued to hit on me. This made the atmosphere awkward and I stopped coming around as much. They had noticed this. But, just as worrying, the man who hosts the holiday events and other events (he is head of household) seems to have gone from his usual cantankerous self, which was not really so unusual, to quite angry. It seems over time that he is becoming more and more morose, dark and brooding, and it's making me really uncomfortable. He had remarked one day, "I used to be a really angry guy and you would not have liked me."  But, it seems that this characteristic is present now, too.

When I was over there for Easter, the conversation between him and another man got overly heated.  Sometimes there are debates and talk of politics, which I've been used to, but it has seemed to get out of hand. I'm not sure what they were debating about or even the topic, but I noticed that voices started rising and he suddenly got up from his seat, went through the sliding glass door angrily and back into the living room just to sit and pout. He was a lot angrier than normal.  Someone remarked that he just seemed to be getting angrier and angrier over time.

It seems like there has been a series of people with whom he has gotten into an argument with over the years, and I've noticed that very few people come around anymore.  I don't know exactly what's happened. I've also noticed a distinct change in his behavior since I returned to school about two years ago. It appears that ever since I have been striving for more in my life, he's become increasingly negative and critical. When I was there on Easter, he said, "I know you want to go to school, but you have to think at your age is this really what you think you are supposed to do? Like how are you going to pay for this? It's not like you have any time left for a career or to pay this off."  I was extremely offended. I'm 49, almost 50, and yeah so I'm middle age, but WTH? 

Because I thought things were becoming tense, I started attending their zoom/virtual option instead of going to the house. I thought it was nice, I could still chat and socialize, but without creepy men standing over me. I could eat dinner at home, relax, and still chat.  I noticed, though, when I would ask for the password, he would never reply to the text.  Yet, other people had the password. The second time I asked for the password, he was reluctant to give it to me-he tried to talk me into coming over instead of the virtual. I thought this was very strange. He almost didn't give me the password. Yet, everyone else had it! Was he tried to force/manipulate me to coming to the house??

He had explicitly invited me to Easter, and when I went to RSVP he acted really strange. I called to see if he wanted me to bring something, and there was this really, really long silence, and he was like, "no, I'm good, I have everything." It just felt really weird. And then when I went over there, there was this big argument between him and his friend. And then I thought he was going to yell at me on the way out.  Just before I left, he did something really strange. We were sitting on the couch, chilling, and out of the blue he started pressing me for financial/asset/personal information.  I was really, really surprised. He started asking me if I still lived in my house, who owns it, and how much I thought it was worth. Pressed for so many details. Like, so your aunt owned it? Oh, what was her name? Oh, she passed away? So then your parents own it? And how much you think it's worth-then, "how about you give me the address and I'll look it up on Google. I'll find the value." He's a real estate agent and I got the definite impression that very minute that he was after my assets and money and wanted to buy the house out from under me, without a thought in the world that it could put me to the street. He would have to find my mom, go past and around me behind my back, and establish a transaction.  The house as a potential inheritance/asset of mine has come up in conversation (they brought it up) a few times. I don't see why MY house in particular has to be a source of money for them, when they can sell all kinds of houses. And why does what I own or where I live have any relevance to anything? I'm starting to wonder if they are not  my "friends" but actually that I'm quick cash. Very often he does not make eye contact and I've often wondered if he is hiding something or not telling me, or had some kind of plan or agenda, and if so, I'm wondering if this is it. 

I don't think this is working for me anymore.  I just really thought this was a better choice than going to my family's house for a big argument, but this seems similar, and even when there is no explicit argument, I am so uncomfortable that my stomach really hurts.  I'm not sure what my options are at this point, though I'm sure there's a few.