Hi, I just need a place to vent.  I was not invited to annual Christmas dinner this year by friends who have been acting strangely.  I don't typically spend it with family as that is pretty dysfunctional.  My friends have turned out to be wishy-washy, so I made other plans.  I did see my family as a whole for the first time in eight years earlier this week, so that is a big deal.  I may reconcile with them, but to what extent I don't know. 

At any rate, I called a friend earlier this month as I said I was stressed that I would be spending the holiday alone this year.  That itself was making me severely depressed.  To my surprise, she invited me to her cabin for this Christmas weekend and I was grateful.  Big mistake.  I am currently in her cabin right now typing on my computer.  I had met her at a support group that a lot of people with dysfunctional families go to.  I spent money renting a car to get up here as she said she could not drive.  I can honestly say I would have rather spend the holiday alone and just gone to church for the annual gift exchange, which is pretty nice. I was feeling left out so I came up here.

It's almost unbearable. I feel like I can't do anything right.  All I do is nod and agree, keep my mouth shut and just nod my head.  Everything I say and do is wrong.  Apparently I hurt her feelings yesterday when I drove into town and she didn't come with. (We are in an isolated area).  I had an emergency and had to get feminine products.  We were visiting with neighbors when I recognized I needed to get feminine products so I had to ask the host for pads.  I was so humiliated.  She spent the evening sulking and sitting in her room because apparently I ruined our visit by my having to get tampons and pads.  She said "I wasn't interested in his (the host's) story at all and I wasn't listening." and that I was being rude by saying abruptly that I needed to get to the store.  The reason I had to drive to town (we are in the woods) was for more feminine products.  I was so shocked and humiliated. She said I was rude to her when I asked her, "Do you want to come along for the ride?"  I was just asking her if she wanted to join.  She said that later she was furious with me and almost started screaming and yelling at me for asking her that question and that she was totally stunned that I asked her.  She said that she had to isolate herself because she was going to start screaming at me.  Apparently she thought that question meant I was telling her to stay home???

I don't know what to do.  All I did was ask her if she wanted to come with.  She read into it as a rejection. Because we are high in altitude, I had to come in and lay down on my bed right away. I'm not used to really high elevation.  She was angry about that too.  I guess I'm not allowed to lay down. I just don't get it, what was I supposed to do, bleed all over this guy's couch or pass out from altitude sickness?  Apparently me saying "I need to go to the store," was rude and dismissive.  Well I was bleeding pretty heavy. She said I ruined his story and that he was in the middle of a story and that I "could have cared less about him."  I guess me having an emergency didn't count.

This morning I was told that my problem is that I "put too much time priortizing my schoolwork," and that is why I have health problems.  Wow, so sorry. I didn't know that being a college student was such a bad choice and so bad for my health.  She has spent the morning ranting and screaming about world politics, the conflict overseas, etc.  I am not a vegan like her, so I am wrong. Apparently all of my health problems would go away if I just became a vegan. She doesn't believe in traditional doctors, so I am wrong for going to a doctor.  I wanted to show gratitude for staying for the weekend with a card and gift, but she doesn't believe in cards or gifts.  I am nodding and agreeing to everything because I'm worried she's going to go on another rant.  This was the biggest mistake I ever made.  Being alone and just heading to church over the holiday would have been far preferable to this.  My next mistake was changing the temperature. It was so cold I was freezing up here in the mountains, I was shivering violently and couldn't sleep. I guess I used up the propane. It was so cold I could not sleep.  What a nightmare and a mistake.  My every word, movement and tone is wrong.  This is a disaster. 

In the middle of all of this I got a last-minute invite to Christmas dinner-at noon-which I am not sure what to think of that.  I deeply regret coming here.