Depression Support Group
Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.
I have no more close family members left. I lost my dad December 2014 and my aunt September 2015. My mom still lives, yet she is no longer in my life. My brother hasn't spoken to me in years, which is no surprise because he stopped talking to me when I was 10 years old and never said another word again until I was 28. I have a handful of second cousins and two great aunts left living. None of us are close because my parents decided when we moved in 1979 that they were severing ties with all family members.
I have asked on social media (yes, sad, I know) for company from friends. One responded with plans for New Years. Otherwise not a peep. I am laid off from seasonal employment right now, so that adds financial uncertainty pressure, plus adds more "free" time during which I'd like to try to remain productive. Going out in the public is difficult at best during this time of year.
I have tried to keep my chin up. The grief in and of itself is difficult. Some days, it takes every ounce of energy just to function through the basics. I've struggled with depression since I was 13 years old. I usually can keep control of it when I see the "warning signs", however with this and other life-altering events that happened in the past 19 months, I'm left with little internal resolve and strength to keep it up indefinitely. While the holidays are going by in a bit of a fugue state, I'm still painfully alone and lonely. I'm afraid of not controlling the downward spiral.
Any suggestions of a better way to reach out?? It seems that unfortunately, I cannot escape the role of "Initiator". What that means is that NO ONE ever contacts me unless I contact them first. This is painful as it feels like rejection. Also, it smacks of inviting myself if I ask if anyone wants to make plans with me and no one answers and then I ask again. This happens all of the time with all friends and few remaining family members, regardless of what time of year it is.
Any suggestions on Low-Social-Impact activities? I hesitate to do much because I'm still at the uncontrollable-crying-at-the-drop-of-a-hat part of grief and it can get embarrassing while in public. I still do very much want to be out somewhere though. I know that I need to go on with life and not allow it to stagnate in the limbo of grief.
I do have a first consultation through Pathways of Hope (Hospice) on the 23rd as well. I know that I cannot do this alone and that I need help.
Help!
I have asked on social media (yes, sad, I know) for company from friends. One responded with plans for New Years. Otherwise not a peep. I am laid off from seasonal employment right now, so that adds financial uncertainty pressure, plus adds more "free" time during which I'd like to try to remain productive. Going out in the public is difficult at best during this time of year.
I have tried to keep my chin up. The grief in and of itself is difficult. Some days, it takes every ounce of energy just to function through the basics. I've struggled with depression since I was 13 years old. I usually can keep control of it when I see the "warning signs", however with this and other life-altering events that happened in the past 19 months, I'm left with little internal resolve and strength to keep it up indefinitely. While the holidays are going by in a bit of a fugue state, I'm still painfully alone and lonely. I'm afraid of not controlling the downward spiral.
Any suggestions of a better way to reach out?? It seems that unfortunately, I cannot escape the role of "Initiator". What that means is that NO ONE ever contacts me unless I contact them first. This is painful as it feels like rejection. Also, it smacks of inviting myself if I ask if anyone wants to make plans with me and no one answers and then I ask again. This happens all of the time with all friends and few remaining family members, regardless of what time of year it is.
Any suggestions on Low-Social-Impact activities? I hesitate to do much because I'm still at the uncontrollable-crying-at-the-drop-of-a-hat part of grief and it can get embarrassing while in public. I still do very much want to be out somewhere though. I know that I need to go on with life and not allow it to stagnate in the limbo of grief.
I do have a first consultation through Pathways of Hope (Hospice) on the 23rd as well. I know that I cannot do this alone and that I need help.
Help!
-
I invited Bill to have dinner with me last Sunday. He wasn't willing to drive 7 hours to mid Michigan and teased me with his beautiful ribs!!! So, of course I ate alone and had cedar salmon
-
check out that smoke ring. It tasted really good. I smothered it with Maulls BBQ sauce which is Local to St. Louis and one of the best I ever had.....
As for getting out, have you thought of volunteering somewhere, pet shelter, homeless, children's hospital. You could also take in a movie or two just to get out of the house.
I watch Christmas films because I love Christmas. But I can't help but to admit that while I might not no longer be depressed per say, I find myself crying after each film. Why? Well what do we see in all those films people? Families! And even if they families in them arn't very happy, they usually end happily. I have wished for many years to have a family again, heck, just to have a mother again would make a big difference in my life, even if I am 33 now.
So I understand the struggle you are going through. The only advice I can give you, is to remind you to hold on. The most that you and I can do is keep wishing, and hoping that one day our wishes will come true. Regarding your brother however, there must have been a reason why he stopped speaking, maybe you guys had a fight, maybe he blaimed you for something. Maybe its time to go speak with him, find out what is wrong.
For if its something you did in the past, since he stopped speaking to you at age 10 originally, then maybe you can find out what that was, and meand that bridge. Family and love are the most important thing in the world, everything else, is a waste. But for now, you can consider us, those who care about you on DS, as your family. I am here for you always if you need me. I am just a message away. :)
Ashley
I wish the solution with my brother had been that easy. I tried until I was nearly 30 to mend the rift. I come from a family of "we-don't-talk-about-our-problems-because-there-aren't-any". My mom won't ever explain why she and Dad decided to ignore their families when we moved. My brother won't ever tell me why he stopped talking (my parents allowed the behavior to continue under their own roof for the next seven years too). I refuse to hurt myself more by beating that dead horse. That ship sailed over a decade and a half ago. No sense in trying if only one person is making any effort.
Ashley, you've pointed out what is at the heart of the difficulty- no family. When there is no family to speak of to have this with...well, then, that's it. Do you have children and/or a significant other? I do hope so as I know that helps.
I sought friends to be "family" and it worked well as long as I was the "initiator". I couldn't keep up this role for the past 8 1/2 years while working 50+ hours and driving an hour one way to help take care of Dad. So those "friends" disappeared. I haven't had much time (or energy) to seek this again. I do have a strong support from a long-distance friend and it's my hope to eventually be able to visit her (she's in northwestern Canada).
Nope, I do not have a sweetheart, and I've been single all my life, so agreed, that doesn't help matters at all. But I've been told that I am strong, which is why I am still here, and why I try to help other's. :)
I am sorry to hear that things have been that way in your family. No, you might not be in the best situation in regards to family. But I guess thats where we say to ourselves that we must now create our own families.
Of course I know that is easier said that done, but we must keep believing, for if a miracle is ever to come to us, its because our hearts never stopped believing. :)
GBU
DRENA B
;-O
CALL SOMEONE..........................
GBU
DRENA B
;-O
Bottom line- I'm alone for the holidays.