Depression Support Group

Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.

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Can't hold the weight of my wife's depression

Good Day all.  Im not sure how much longer I can last with my wifes depression.  Im tired of the mess in the house, I am tired of the kids asking me for everything when mommy is right here.  Only to then hear that I manipulate kids against her.  Sex is garbage and depressing (no pun intended), no love and then ofcourse because she is crazy she makes me feel like im the sick one.  



I now have situational depression from her.  Why did she want to have kids knowing that she was ill mentally even before I came here?



Im young.  Is this my life with another human being?  



Replies

Tired
Tired

Sounds like you both need to see a therapist. Separately or together.
Has she seen a doctor or psychiatrist? Is she on medication?
NJ400
NJ400

LMAO. I am no newb to this as we tried everything and we all know nothing works. WTF does the normal person have to waste time going to individual therapy? No one can tell anyone how to deal with the Devil that some people have. Even the therapist look like "yeah its time to leave her" so that's no help lol.

Sad to say that I now feel like she will never get better with the pressure of marriage and small kids .
NJ400
NJ400

And she been on Med's for god knows how long. How long does it take for a change of meds to actually work. Lexipro aka Zombie pro made her like a zombie but atleast she was pleasant. wellbutrin turned her back into a bitch again. Now she takes both lol. So I have a part robot, part zombie home.
I Only get depressed when hers flares up. Kids and I are so done but she is still there mom and my wife. I cant leave because she can never raise these kids with any balance.
sharaninmd
sharaninmd

Welcome to Daily Strength. Is your wife taking any medication? You mentioned that you both have seen a therapist. Since this therapist has not been able to help, have you considered seeing a different one? Sometimes it takes a while to find the right therapist for you. One who you feel comfortable with and one who you feel is helping you. I wish you the best.
subwayxkid
subwayxkid

I'm sorry to hear that your wife is struggling and that you are struggling as well. I'd like to start off with the fact if you're wife is depressed instead of getting angry for her not doing things, why not help her? Take up a bit of the slack with cleaning, chores etc. Considering the house and the children aren't just hers, they're also yours I think it's pretty reasonable that you could parent your own children and do some work in your own house.

Not to place blame on you, or her, but from what I took from your post you both need to put in effort. Not just your wife and not just you.

Best wishes and I hope the situation improves.
dyinginside35
dyinginside35

Depression is a dark hole and most don't understand that have never been there. Sufferers of depression , they try or at least i do to make an effort. Have you asked her why shes depressed. It takes compassion and empathy. I would suggest counseling, do you want it to work? Both of you need to try or make changes to be be supportive. She needs to understand your needs and you understand hers. Im not trying to preach, im trying to help. Im here to listen
dyinginside35
dyinginside35

Is she bipolar?
Humantara
Humantara

That's really sad to hear from you. I think both of you needs a counseling. That might help.
veggiequeen
veggiequeen

Your post brought up so many thoughts.....
Could this be post partum depression?
Or could she be bipolar?

While it could actually be some form of mental illness, alot of it could come from her being from a very dysfunctional family or background. Sadly, this will continue to affect us forever....old patterns need to be broken. (easier said than done)

To me, it seems she really needs more therapy (perhaps different meds...or dosages) and maybe an in patient stay would help? (It is sometimes needed and more beneficial to have intense therapy where you do have to focus simply on working through issues instead of avoiding them)

You do seem to be angry and resentful (Which I do understand. I am currently in an almost 15 year marriage .....The last 10 have come and gone with me giving all I could but getting VERY LITTLE back. While I am at a point where I don't just want to settle anymore, I haven't quite mustered the courage to leave. So I too have that anger and resentment building up inside. Hubby too. It sucks!)

Sometimes a person may want a child so they have someone to love or to LOVE THEM (which is screwed up, but sometimes how an unstable mind works)

As you said, you are young. This is no way to have to live your life. It is so unhealthy and unfair, not only to you and her, but especially to your children. And trust me....as they watch mommy zone out, daddy try angrily to keep things going they too will be affected and continue the pattern.

Hang on, take advantage of the counseling for you both to be more aware of how this affects each of you......and maybe do some work on your own. (So you can work on expressing and getting out the anger and figuring out how YOU can move forward and look toward being happy again)

My thoughts and prayers are with you all and I do wish you the best.
Punk
Punk

i deal with the same situation i want out so bad its not funny every day she does nothing and i do it because its the right thing i do everything while she bitches and complains and the only reason i stay is because its marriage and its the right thing to do what if things changed would you want to be left alone you need to find away to handle it i walk every day just to relive stress its been ten years for me i wish you the best of luck.
Community LeaderWanderingVet
WanderingVet

Just sayin' .... you would not be the first to divorce a mentally ill spouse.
Mom2girlies
Mom2girlies

You are def angry and resentful. I agree that sometimes you have to see a few therapist before you find the right one. Maybe you don't need to go, but your wife def should. I have suffered from depression and anxiety disorder. I actually had depression growing up but feel my anxiety disorder was brought on by my ex. (soon to be) It took me three therapist to find the right one and several dif med combos to get myself in a good mind frame but i still have anxiety panic attacks and depression from time to time. Your wife has to want to feel better. You need to as yourself, if your wife was doing everything she could to get better, would you still want to be with her? Or are you over the marriage no matter what? Sometimes the anger and resentment go to far and no matter what the spouse does to fix the situation, it won't matter. I am in a relationship now where he has some of the same issues I have and we find ways to help each other during those moments. It is easier because we both understand what the other is going thru. If you really want to make things work with your wife I would suggest going with her to some of her therapy appts so you can try to understand what she is going thru and why. Best of luck, god bless.
PeteMason
PeteMason

Your wife needs professional help, and so now too do you. You made a vow to her
"in sickness and in health", it works both ways, and she is neglecting her vow by burdening you with her illness. Situational depression is worse than the experience of depression suffered by the one responsible for it. I was involved in a relationship once whereby the behavior of my partner depressed me yet failed to depress her, situational depression can be a very destructive beast. Get yourself some professional help even if she says no to.
PeteMason
PeteMason

Leaving my ex wasn't an option either, she left me instead, and I haven't looked back since, with separation at least comes relief.
scared-one
scared-one

I am the depressed spouse in my relationship. I don't understand it so how can I expect my husband to? Counseling, yes medication, yes. Please be gentle and kind with her as frustrating as that can be.
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