I don't want to do anything anymore, talk to anyone, go anywhere. I spend all day trying to figure out what to do, but with my mind going a million miles a second I can't control my thoughts, and after all the medications and drugs, I feel numb. Its hard to explain, but nothing really phases me anymore. I just feel that the world is f**ked and that theres no possible way I'll be able to get ahead. Pre-covid, i was just finally getting to a point of financial independence/stability after years of hard work, school, internships, and then all that hard work seems to have meant nothing. So, why care anymore? 

I haven't paid my rent, utilities, medical bills, etc in months, and every piece of mail I get causes me so much anxiety because its always more bills. Unemployment just isnt enough. I don't want to end up getting evicted because i would have nowhere to go... i know a lot of other people are going thru the same or worse, so I know i shouldnt complain, but I can't help but feel utterly hopeless. I was struggling with anxiety/depression before the pandemic, but now I don't know how to control it, I just feel like everything is spinning out of control and I suddenly have urges to do stupid things..

I cant bring myself to eat anymore. Not only because of the depression, but I also have severe TMJ which has gotten to the point where I can't fully open my mouth, it hurts to chew, yawn, talk, even smile amd laugh. And of course treatment is expensive, and coupled with being broke, ive just given up. Ive probably lost at least 15-20lbs in the last couple months, eating is physically exhausting and ive lost my appetite from being in a constant state of anxiety/panic/depression. Weed and pills have been the only thing keeping me sane, but even those are starting to not work anymore. The past few months are kind of a blur and I just feel like im trapped in limbo, screaming for help but no one can hear. Is there any hope for the future? Why should I care about anything anymore, when nothing I say/do seems to matter?