Apparently I'm aloof, mean and hurtful when I argue during break ups. Fine. He definitely had some of it coming either way. I didn't try to be hurtful, I just said what I think and then I let him leave because for the love of god I will not try to fix another person. 

Now he doesn't know if he wants to see me again. You know what? Fine. 

I wished for this to be over. (Now I wish I had been more careful with what I wished for) 

I do need the alone time. I do feel relieved to some extend. All this time I doubted him and now finally he did something paranoid that proves he doesn't really know me. It feels less satisfying to be right than I thought it would. Really I would have preferred if I were wrong. Really I wish I had been blind to it until it happened. I could have seized the time I had with him but I did not do that to the fullest extend. Those are the kind of things I regret. 

Still. Free time. I have so much fucking stress. I don't even know how I managed to have a bf. Or at least him. 2x a week just isn't easy especially if we end up watching tv most of the time. Why on earth would I waste my time like that? 

He's a nice person though. I did appreciate our time together. 

Then again. I always felt like he is just that tiny bit controlling and I did change my behavior so that I felt it would make him happy. He never asked me to. I just did. I maybe shouldn't have. It wasn't smart. I just did. 

Anyways. Single me is fucking free and imma not trade in that freedom for anything as of yet. It's only been five minutes. Is it too early to flirt with other guys? Not on a serious note but just because I can. He doesn't need to know. We're not dating anymore and as long as I'm only casual he never needs to know. Kinda just cause I know it would piss him off. Again. This one he does have coming. Or yk. I could just focus on me and be happy.  Primarily I'll just focus on me and be happy.