Depression Support Group
Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.
I have really seen lately how being the male role model ( what ever definition it is ) really is a thankless job. My father who is on his death bed is being pushed aside with little regard while my mother who is also in the same boat is feeling the love. Okay!! I will admit that the female role model ( whatever definition you want ) provides more of the physical caring and nurturing ( in your stereotypical sense ). A male provides care through stability. ( in the traditional sense ).
I DON'T WANT TO DEBATE OVER TYPICAL ROLES AS THESE DAYS THE RULES HAVE CHANGED!!
All I'm trying to say is that if a parent is not the slobbering affectionate type than they are viewed as less caring. This is sooo wrong. My father worked himself to the bone and asked for none of the glory that he should rightfully share. I am amazed at how my sibling can be so cruel to the man that devoted his life to his family.
I am living the same role as my father. My wife has slobbered my kids with so much affection that I would have to beat my way in with a stick. If I tried to compete my kids would have been suffocated with too much affection. Somebody had to take the less glorious role and that was me. I had to work away from home at times and that created an awkward boundary. It wasn't my choice to work away but I had to provide. I feel these sacrifices go unnoticed in a fathers life. I feel with all that I have done, very hurt to be on the outside, as I'm sure my father does too. I am trying to make a special effort to show him the love he deserves while others have treated him unjustly. I love my parents equally and I don't know why it is so hard for others to see the light.
I DON'T WANT TO DEBATE OVER TYPICAL ROLES AS THESE DAYS THE RULES HAVE CHANGED!!
All I'm trying to say is that if a parent is not the slobbering affectionate type than they are viewed as less caring. This is sooo wrong. My father worked himself to the bone and asked for none of the glory that he should rightfully share. I am amazed at how my sibling can be so cruel to the man that devoted his life to his family.
I am living the same role as my father. My wife has slobbered my kids with so much affection that I would have to beat my way in with a stick. If I tried to compete my kids would have been suffocated with too much affection. Somebody had to take the less glorious role and that was me. I had to work away from home at times and that created an awkward boundary. It wasn't my choice to work away but I had to provide. I feel these sacrifices go unnoticed in a fathers life. I feel with all that I have done, very hurt to be on the outside, as I'm sure my father does too. I am trying to make a special effort to show him the love he deserves while others have treated him unjustly. I love my parents equally and I don't know why it is so hard for others to see the light.
I don't say this to make you feel bad about yourself or your father, but rather as a plea for your children. Financial support is not enough. You deserve to be praised for providing for your family, for taking responsibility when so many shirk their duties. I deeply respect you for that. But your children need to know that you love and accept them as they are. They need to know that Dad is there for them to soothe their hurts. They need to know that even if they royally mess up, Dad will still love them. They need to know that you are proud of them when they succeed and when they fail. You need to be their rock, not just financially, but emotionally. There is no such thing as too much love. Your kids may not love you in the same way that they love your wife, but that doesn't mean they love you any less. And you don't have to show affection in exactly the same way she does. You and your wife aren't in competition for your children's love. But you need to know that people treat you the way that you treat them, especially children. You have to give out what you wish to receive. If you want your kids to be affectionate with you, you have to be affectionate with them. If you never give them love or affection, why would you expect them to give it to you?
My grandmother was not a cruel or abusive mother, but she was also not affectionate with her children. She was a stay at home mom. My grandfather worked hard to provide financially for their large family, but he also took the time to show affection. Guess who received more affection and appreciation when they were dying? It wasn't my grandmother, who never told her kids she loved them. I write this to show you that it's not the traditional roles of provider and caregiver that matter. What matters most to children is being loved. That is what they remember.
If you are sincerely self-respectful then in my view you are being the best parent you can possibly be.
Children subconsciously expect parents to lead by healthy example, and there is no more healthy an example than being respectful of them.
It's just that they fail to speak up about it less, and I'm guessing that may be relative to them feeling the need to always be macho, I do stand to be corrected.