same old, same old, seems like I'm on this topic all the time and not much gets better, sorry for being negative.  So I'm on Spring Break from substitute teaching; one of the other districts is open during spring break and I could have worked all week and I really needed to, but decided against it. It's become so chaotic and toxic with issues every day I really don't think it's a good idea to just keep forcing it. Everyday some big dramatic thing happens. Meanwhile, I really need a real job.

It's been a week since the second interview for this really good job with excellent pay.  No follow up-I sent the thank you email, and he said that he had a couple of other people to interview but he would let me know where it stands by about Monday.  On Monday they still said they were interviewing. Still nothing.  I think it's pretty safe to say it's going nowhere.  You would have some idea after a week whether you would want to have another interview or any discussion around it.

I *should* have just kept picking up extra jobs at school. I don't know why mentally I was acting like I had this position and that I could start to transition out of this situation. Realistically you are not going to get every job that you interview for, so I know I should not be upset, but I sunk into a very low depression on Monday, wanting to avoid any bad news.  I sleep to avoid things and now my sleep schedule is very messed up. Tuesday I had my telehealth with the psychiatrist and one positive thing is that I cleaned like crazy-I don't enjoy the cleaning and it's physically demanding for me.  But it is very clean in here now.  When depressed knocking out tasks is not my strong suit.  I was hoping if I got this position it would eliminate the never-ending treadmill of sending in applications, researching positions, etc. and so on.  It honestly takes up more time than having a job.

As much as I *should* have picked up extra hours I'm glad I didn't.  Now that I see the contrast between having an opportunity at a six-figure role where I could work hybrid, and a minimum-wage job where I get shouted at and reprimanded for small details, the resentment really, really started to build. I resent the organization and even the students by now.  I was on vacation on spring break last year internationally, and this year, the contrast is pretty bad.  I'm worried about making my car payment, rent, groceries.  By the end of this year it will be two years since I graduated. Effectively my life is at a standstill.

I need to figure out what I will do if this new work field has no future in it, because I'm really beginning to wonder if it does. It sort of looks like this big mirage. I got another couple of messages from recruiters today, I messaged them back but somehow I feel like they will ghost me. One of them is from a firm that didn't pay me last year. I'm tired of doing this, writing about it, talking about it and I'm ready for a change. I know some people here mentioned temp. I signed up for Randstad and they have an app for clerical work.  Right now something is wrong with the app and I can't contact the server, so I'm not sure what's up.