Depression Support Group

Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.

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Battling my demons

Happines00
Happines00

I am a 20 yer old female. I never really believed I was depressed. I was always the happy friend of the group but here lately I haven't been myself. I reached out to my boyfriend and I let him in on my past. He knew I had had a rough life growing up. I lost my sister at the age of 16 due to addiction I gained my neice as a child. So it's always been hard to find someone to accept that part of me. I pushed everything down inside of me and just put a smile on my face and called it a day but I would come home and just lay around. My boyfriend has seen it all take a toll on me. He's been noticing a chane in me that I am not as outgoing as I used to be when we first met when we were 15. He's always held me when I get down on myself. We have been having problems because I don't open up to any one about how I am feeling. He is helping me through everything and trying but I just always push people away. I haven't told my parents how I am feeling because I am afraid. He's always been by my side and he's helping me seek professional help to try and help me and he wants me to tell my parents how I am feeling but I can't bring myself to do it. He hasn't left my side even if I have been ugly or rude towards him. He's never left my sie since I was 15. I have a cat as a coping mechanism and he went and got us a dog so I could sleep at night but I am up all hours of the night just laying in bed next to him staring at our celing. I am trying to get better but I am afriad talking to someone will just make it worse. I am just wondering if it ever gets better? He wants us to move to flordia and start all over for the both of us. We have both been batteling these demons together and we are both working on building to get better together. 

Thor2008
Thor2008
Welcome to Daily Strength. Some things first off, finding a good professional person to talk with, that will hold your secrets and talk inviolate will help out immensely. I have a therapist that I see twice a week, and she has helped. The person will be able to guide your discussion to help you help yourself. Therapy is you helping you to get better. Next, tell your parents. They deserve to know, and if they are close to you, they already know. Not sure what insurance you have, but you might still be on theirs, and if so, they will need to know when you ask for the therapist or psychiatrist. Third, you have a wonderful boyfriend that is understanding and strong. Yoke his strength to help yourself. Talk with him about how you feel. And yes, it will not make sense, and you will need to over some stuff again and again. Your thinking is jumbled and talking, boyfriend, and shrink/therapist will help. Lastly, keep doing what you are doing - journaling about your feelings, fears, regrets, anxiety, and whatnot. Put on paper what is going on. It will help a great deal. My best breakthrough with my therapist was by having her read my journal. Do another post and tell us what is going on and get feedback from others. Often it has been very enlightening.

You are doing right by looking for and asking for help with your depression. This is not just feeling sad, but something that goes much deeper and darker. I hope you find the help you are looking for.
Happines00
Happines00
I have been keeping a journal and I took a few days for work and told my employer what is going on. I drove to a lake yesterday and sat there and just wrote everything in a notebook. My boyfriend has always wanted to see the real me but I was afraid to let him in because everyone in my past has always left. I saw something where you get a plate and write all your emotions and feelings on it and smash it and that's exactly what I did. I am still on my dads insurance because my parents split a while ago when I was 8. My boyfriend has definitely seen me on my worst days where I can't drag myself out of bed and he tries to support me as much as he can. He is the one who convinced me to go get professional help and make myself get better for us and myself.
Thor2008
Thor2008
You are doing the right thing by seeking professional help. In fact, you might need two. A psychiatrist that can help with a pharmaceutical solution to your depression and then a good therapist for the talking. I take a number of anti-depressants each day and have for a long time. My mental issues are many and sundry. I suggest getting both if you can. The way insurance goes you will probably only be given 15 min a visit for the shrink, but an hour or 45 min for the therapist.

Keep writing. It will help you even long after your depression is gone. One thing to mention is that your depression did not come on in a day and it will not leave in a day. This is a long term process. Be honest with your boyfriend. He can help even if he just listens. Don't let him get frustrated as men talk to find a solution and women just talk to feel better. He might be upset that he can't fix you.

Tell us how it goes telling your dad.
Happines00
Happines00
It will take a while to get through this and my boyfriend isn't one to show emotion and he never knew I had all this built up inside of me until Sunday and I finally let it all out and I don't think have ever seen him more caring for me . He knew I had problems but he didn't know they were this bad. Luckily my employer is very understanding when it comes to stuff like this and they have programs built for us to help us get better. He is one of those guys who will accept me for me and he's seen how I have been treated in the past because we were the best of friends before we tried to get in a relationship. He never knew I had all this in me. It's just hard with a 9 year old running around and trying to be happy for her and trying to get better myself. He hasn't left my side during these hard times and it is very reassuring to have him here to help me through this all.
Thor2008
Thor2008
Good deal. It sounds like you have a good support network. That is good because depression can get exceptionally bad and lead to hospitalization, disability, and suicide. You took a chance telling your employer as most will treat you differently afterward. There is a very strong stigma against mental health illnesses. I'm glad your employer is different. But be wary. Your boyfriend is a keeper and his level of support is not the norm.

Are you exercising? This is something that does help to improve your mood. You should try to get out, get a little sun each day. You'll feel better and it regulates your mood.
Secouya
Secouya
Happiness, I am sorry you are having a rough time right now. You are not alone. It’s important that you acknowledge your feelings and your past. Breaking the emotional bond with your past can be difficult, but can help you move forward. You will never forget your past, but it can be only a memory.

I think that you probably do need to talk with your parents about how you feel. Just ask them to listen. No matter what happens it will relieve you from internalizing your emotions which can eat you up. Your boyfriend sounds amazing. Let him know what he means to you. You can’t battle your emotions together. You can support each other, but your emotional battles are specific to yourselves and your experiences. Coming to peace with your depression comes from within.

Journaling your emotions is good. Scheduling activities such as gentle exercise, self-care, meditation and activities that make you happy can help.

Therapy can help as well as your support network. You might also consider joining a depression class or support group. Post often to get the support you need. Wishing you serenity and peace.
Happines00
Happines00
I have definitely grown the past week I took some time alone and found a place to relax and work on myself. I've been driving there siting for hours at this beautiful lake. It has been quite gloomy here and its just been peaceful driving and taking time for myself. Coming from a family with 12 aunts and uncles it has really opened my eyes that I need to work and better myself. I stayed at a friends the past couple nights and my dad has also noticed a change in my behavior.

Me and my boyfriends have had our ups and downs this week but I did tell him tonight how thankful I am to have him by my side. As in the past I have let people in on how I was feeling and they just pushed me away. He is definitely a life saver and is a rock to me. He knows how important my mental health is especially helping my parents raise my 9 year old niece.

My boyfriend is very proud of me in the past few days I had gotten out of bed this morning and fixed myself up and I am improving but it is taking time. I reached out to some of the benefits my job offers and they are helping me get set up with a therapist which is amazing because I have never had a job where they actually care for you and your well being.

I am realizing now that I need to put myself first and work on myself and better myself. I am definitely journaling when I drive out to the lake every day. I am sitting and listening to my favorite songs and just writing everything I am feeling. It helps me disconnect (lack of phone service is a huge plus) for a while when I am sitting at the lake just watching the water move and focusing on me and my personal well being.
Prycejosh1987
Prycejosh1987
We all have demons, as we all know demons work in the mind. They can work through other people. I have battled some very powerful demons in my past. The best thing to do is be spiritual, and pray to God on it.