I'm ok with you letting it out. What's happening?

yeah is nothing really...just someone like me that cant cope with these kind of situations...am embarresed about it really

I help supervise a playgroup 2 days a week. This week I was on my own on of the days, supervising 20 kids and about 9 parents.
all was going well, talked to one dad and he told me he had been coughing up blood for a few days, he had been to the hospital and they sent him home, they couldnt work out what was wrong...anyway, he seemed fine.
The about half hour later while we were having morning tea he didnt look to well,...I asked him if he was ok and he said he thought his lungs were bleeding and he couldnt breath....within seconds he collapsed and I had to take charge of the situation.....someone called an ambulance while I rolled him on his side and made sure he was breathing...his partner came over...but she was to shocked to do anything....he remained going in and out of consiouseness for the next 15 minutes, while I tried talking to him and trying to let the other parents know it was over for the day, most went home, some stayed to help. I stayed calm the whole time, it was only after everyone had gone that the shock hit me and im still suffering and that was 3 days ago...I dont know why it has affected me so much and it really shouldnt.

yeah...i have been told by many i did really well, and as far as i know he is ok....my fear of using the phone has stopped me calling him.
I cant just move on...I dont know how...thats my problem

Hello, are you ok? I am here to chat.

I keep going through all the "what ifs"...like what if he wasnt ok, wasnt breathing...what if it happens again and no one is there to help and I am responsible for someone dying

I think "what if you weren't there" - you were there to help and able to assist this man. He needed your help and you were able to do so.

I know I should be happy for what i did....but im not and it has triggered me into an emotional mess where the littlest things affect me...i cant sleep and my mind just races continuously

Often a few days later the body and feelings catch up on what has happened. Like now. I know that is what happens to me when quite stressful things occur like this, except I normally end up very sick (stomach..)

gotta go get baby changed and to bed...will be back

yes am on 200mg Zoloft

at times like this I really crave Seroquel...works great but dont really want to have to depend on it again

am already on the max dose of zoloft

to scared to ask my psych dr if I will be on anti ds for rest of my life cause I think I know what the answer will be... Seroquel is an anti psychotic and would rather not be on it...although it helps a lot

Sometimes you just have to go with what works. xo