This is totally my opinion so do what you will with it. I think you only need to be a little physically attracted to someone. Connection and loving someone for whom they are on the inside makes them more attractive physically. Have you ever thought someone was good looking and then got to know them or dated them and they started to look ugly to you because they were mean etc?
Also breakdown what you find attractive? Are you singling in on a type and not appreciating more people’s beauty.
Is your image accurate of yourself? We are our harshest critics, Go on a dating site that has a questionnaire and personality match and have a friend or someone else pick your best picture out or go get some professional ones done if you feed like they aren’t good. Then actually read people’s profiles and pick people based on that alone even if you don’t find them attractive. Get to know them and if they don’t repulse you see if you find them more attractive with time.
Also to me the point of life is to be good and be as ethical as you can in all your choices. I do not believe getting married and procreating is the meaning of life.
Companionship is great and keep your eyes and heart open but fill your life with things you like. Pets, job that provides fulfillment, vacations or seeing this beautiful world, activities etc.
Enough of my rambling.

You are right, beauty is skin deep. I don’t think I am an attractive person by Hollywood and model runway standards. However, I’ve always been attracted to “pretty boys.” The guy I’ve been kinda dating since April 2024 is gorgeous in my eyes (6’2, athletic shape, great hair, beautiful face…). To me he belongs in Hollywood. Sadly, I take a lot of poor treatment from him because I think he is gorgeous. When I married my late husband in 2012 my logic was he’s not very attractive and he was 20 years older than me. My logic said I would have my husband’s complete devotion because I was young nd looked better than him. He divorced me while going through cancer treatment because his sister and brothers told him to (so much for his dying devotion). In the end, follow your heart and love yourself best.

One more example: I worked for a law firm where a female attorney in her mid twenties was clearly balding at the top. She was fat and had a very nasty attitude. However, she was extremely smart and her parents are rich. Her new husband is an extremely attractive engineer graduate. I always believed people should marry for love only. Over the years my friends and life experiences have shown me people marry and get into long term relationships for a variety of reasons (money, good health insurance, social status, pregnancy, etc)

My mom was a very beautiful woman. She was engaged by three different men. She never married, because she refused to be treated poorly for even one second by anyone. She was abused as a child and absolutely would not take any form of abuse when she became an adult

Beauty is subjective as well. I find very attractive men according to societies definition of attraction less attractive than men who are seen as less attractive.

If you have to question whether life is worth living because you can't find a partner than you are placing the full responsibility on someone else to make you happy and feel it's worth getting out of bed everyday. The only person responsible for making your life worth living is you. If you can't do that for yourself than no one else can.

I suggest you work on yourself from the inside. Build up your self esteem, self worth, learn to make yourself happy, love yourself, enjoy being alone with yourself. Being content and at peace with yourself will make you feel so good.

First and foremost, "self love" will help you find "partner love". When you care for yourself, physically and mentally you will attract, rather than 'seek' to get what you want. I agree with Kiwasicu, When you love yourself, and have peace within you, your energy will be totally different from a depressed, sad, am I un-loveable person. I don't know how you feel about God, He Loves You...You are worthy just because you are alive, and have purpose and meaning in your life because you are alive. You never know how you can touch someone's life with just a smile in the grocery store...I'm 72, never married, but had a son when I was a week before 43. My "Angel with Horns" who I am So Grateful For....I've found Gratitude to help me feel better about my life and the challenges within that life.

Peace and Healing To You and To The World At Large <3 ml

Big hug Valoo...I'm sorry that you're hurting sweetie

I think you've been given some wonderful advise

Meetup's are a great way to meet new people to do things with and there are Meetup's for so many things...bowling, dances and some for coffee and coversation

If you wanted you could lookvthem up in your area and see if any appeal to you

It may be a way to meet new people and see where it goes

I agree that happiness comes from within you sweetie ...xo

Hi again...I thought of this video, and hope it will give you some ideas.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zeDt9dgFXFk&t=9s

The fear of ending up alone is a powerful, primal one, and your feelings about the lack of control are spot-on.

You are correct: You can't force people to like you. And that is terrifying because it highlights our vulnerability. However, the flip side of that is you can't stop the right person from liking you, either. You can't control their mind or heart. All you can control is how you treat yourself, what you pursue, and how authentically you live your life.

The most important thing to focus on right now isn't the hypothetical room full of attractive strangers. It's caring for yourself and building a life you genuinely enjoy and feel proud of. When you pour your energy into the things you can control—your own growth, your existing friendships, your goals—you create a foundation of inner stability. And that, in itself, is incredibly attractive.

You're a person with depth, dreams, and worth, and those qualities can't be measured by whether or not an arbitrary group of people finds you attractive.

There is love and lust. It's true you have to be attracted but it goes way deeper than that.

Many things can be attractive. Kindness, a smile, someone who makes me laugh, a little goofy. All things I am attracted to and people are attracted to all kinds of things. Definitely not just looks you can tell when you look at a couple and sometimes wonder what is was that drew them together
I’m sure you have many attractive qualities
I do understand your frustration though and fears

Valoo, I feel the same way as you sometimes. Today, in fact, I felt especially trapped in thinking I will never find a relationship. I would agree that you've received some good advice here. When I felt trapped this afternoon, I went for a walk/run and then stopped by a friend's house. As soon as I was engaged in conversation, I stopped feeling trapped. Granted, now I'm back home alone this evening, but at least I managed to connect for a bit with people. I know you're talking specifically about attraction. I often don't feel I'm attractive enough to find a person who I find attractive. So I know I am limiting myself. I need a bit of physical attraction to feel excited enough to pursue someone.

I've been living alone for about 10 years before I met my partner and being alone was very important for me. You need to learn to love yourself and be happy with yourself before inviting someone into your life. You can't burden the other person with the job of making you happy, it doesn't work that way, you need to do that before you enter a relationship with someone. As for being attracted to someone, I don't know what to say, it's not something you chose really, it just happens. I hope you find your person.