Depression Support Group
Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.
Ugh...first of all let me say, I know I've created the situation I'm in. Well, partly anyway. I'm having an affair with a man that I KNOW is a mess, but I cannot for the life of me shake him. I have very strong feelings for him and he knows this, but he can't ever just come out and say how he feels about me. He's told me he loves me before but hasn't in a long time. He says he carees about me in so many different ways, but then he needs to "figure himself out". We talk all day, every day and he tells me very personal things that he says he's never told anyone else. We laugh, we are wonderful friends first and foremost. Two months had passed since I told him I was done. I'd get random friend requests from him, but then they'd disappear, and then four nights ago as I was going to bed he texted me. I didn't respond then he texted me again the next morning. I was dumb and responded and now for the last four days, we've talked non stop again and seen each other once. Today he told me that he's been on a couple dates with someone but that its just casual drinks. I KNOW he's all over the place and it's just destroying me, but I cannot seem to let him go and just move on. I love him so incredibly much and it hurts like hell that it seems like nothing I do and nothing in the last year and a half matters. He told me on a facetime call the other night how he had missed seeing and talking to me like crazy, then today tells me he's single and shouldn't feel guilty for wanting to see what's out there. Then when I tell him it makes me feel, its not a big deal and he's only had an occasional drink with this person and anything can happen in the future. Does he actually care about me or am I just some convenient back up plan or whatever when he needs validation or sex or a friend?? It's driving me absolutely insane and is just heartbreaking.
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I haven't written in my diary on my computer since May because I thought that my computer was dying. I got away from writing but my computer is hanging in there. I think that I will start writing in it again. It's so therapeutic.
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Years ago, I won a mirrored armoire from my job. It's in my bedroom but I rarely stand in front of it. Yesterday, I had to have a dexascan done so I had to change into a gown. There was a full length mirror in the changing room. I'm aware that I gained 5 to 7 pounds over the last year from cheating on Keto but I didn't know what it looked like. It was a reality check.
This will drive you insane. Nothing good will come of it. Many years ago I was in a screwy "relationship" like that. Then one day I said no more and I meant it. The best thing you can do for yourself is to rid yourself from him forever, and block all his calls and texts.
Apart from this affair guy, I think you first need to decide about your husband first. Do you want to stay married to your husband?
This other guy will drive you nuts, like Maria said. He is just playing games with you. He is a player. He will never settle down with you, or with anyone. If you are looking for a commitment, look elsewhere.
Personally, I would block the affair guy. Block his phone number, block him on social media. His antics are just making you more upset, and you don't need more stress right now.
His distraction and the drama are taking away from you deciding if you should work on your marriage, or to divorce your husband. Why make things more complicated? First decide what to do about your marriage. Dealing with the extra guy is only making things more upsetting for you and adding so much more stress to your life. Your title was All I Do Is Cry.... that doesn't seem like a good person to be talking to or seeing... it is too upsetting for you, understandably so, as he is being a player and playing with your emotions.
And, what if your husband found out? How would you feel about that, does it matter to you if he found out about your affair guy? Only you know the answer to this... we do not know the nature of your marriage.
In other words, you decide what you want to do about your marriage first. Make a decision about that. Adding more things/people to the mix will only complicate your life and cause depression, anxiety, hurt.... Not worth it.
Take a step back, take a breather, and think about what it is you really really want in your life. Not who you want, but what you want.