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A Classic Rescuer seeks HELP

mycroftt
mycroftt
I guess I should have put this as "asking for advice "..guess it doesn't matter...
I am a classic rescuer which gets me into a cycle of expectation/rescue/disappointments..it is a cycle I cannot seem to break,,,I am one of those who gets involved in things I have no business being or getting involved in and it defeats any intended purpose,,,it is frustrating and leads to getting hooked with the wrong person again and again,,,

I am certain that I am not the only one who has gone through this cycle again and again,,but I keep on thinking that I get so stupid for doing the same thing over and over again,,,the typical situation is that I come to meet people whose life has turned to crap,,,I come to the rescue and soon after I wind up getting sucked in and ultimately get hurt in the process, disregarded, or abandoned,,,this is actually one of the rare times I have talked about this ,,,,thinking the next time out ,,things will be different ,,and they never ever are ,,,,

So.....Am I the only one who goes through this ???
Community LeaderWanderingVet
WanderingVet
I don't know if I am getting your point .. I think you are saying you tend to be a 'fixer' and thereby a 'giver' as well, .. and as you give (of yourself) to others in a dedication to fixing their problems, you end up on the short end of the stick.

If I am correct ... I suspect a self esteem problem ... PERHAPS you are 'doing favors' for people (for lack of a better term), and making sacrifices .. so that you will be admired, respected, appreciated, etc etc.

You are compelled to get/be accepted ... because you have doubts of your acceptability.

But .. I could be wrong.
mycroftt
mycroftt
I think there may be some truth in that,,,

neil
joyce3001
joyce3001
wow, I do that sometime. my husband says I do that. In fact, I end up caring more about the problem than the person who had the problem in the first place.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Hi Mycroftt,

Well, I've been a 'FIXER', 'SAVIOUR', a 'RESCUER' etc etc etc for the BEST PART of my adult life.... In the END, I have always been SHAT on...

NOT that I expected 'a parade'... but perhaps expected a little MORE than being SHAT on...(???!!!)

RESCUED a 'bloke' (who had LOST his living (wage) AND PLACE of living (Home)... Opened MY home.... and FED him.... He put me in debt.... & HE 'P'd off.... (leaving me in debt). There was NO romantic 'interlude' - just tried to HELP... Got SHAT on!!

NOT the first or last time
deleted_user
deleted_user
I've been in your shoes many times... Have you heard of or read about codependency? I recently started reading a book by Melodie Beattie, called 'Codependent No More'. I am also attending meetings. The book describes a lot of the things that you are talking about, and might help you gain some insight into what you are dealing with... It's not easy to break such habits, but Im hanging on to hope and doing what I can to make things different... Hope this helps and things get better... Sending a hug to you :)
deleted_user
deleted_user
I've been in your shoes many times... Have you heard of or read about codependency? I recently started reading a book by Melodie Beattie, called 'Codependent No More'. I am also attending meetings. The book describes a lot of the things that you are talking about, and might help you gain some insight into what you are dealing with... It's not easy to break such habits, but Im hanging on to hope and doing what I can to make things different... Hope this helps and things get better... Sending a hug to you :)
deleted_user
deleted_user
I've been in your shoes many times... Have you heard of or read about codependency? I recently started reading a book by Melodie Beattie, called 'Codependent No More'. I am also attending meetings. The book describes a lot of the things that you are talking about, and might help you gain some insight into what you are dealing with... It's not easy to break such habits, but Im hanging on to hope and doing what I can to make things different... Hope this helps and things get better... Sending a hug to you :)
Community LeaderWanderingVet
WanderingVet
It may be more complicated than just an 'esteem' issue .. because I am very much the same type of person .. but I don't THINK (for me) it is an esteem issue. I think my self esteem is 'about normal' ... but then again, MAYBE NOT.

It is IMPOSSIBLE to see oneself as others do .. unless both see the same thing.