I joined this support group last night and I thought I'd share a little about myself.

I am a 31 years old woman suffering from depression and anxiety. I suspect I have avoidant personality disorder, but I have not been diagnosed.

I hope this doesn't end up too long, but I'll share some details about myself. Maybe someone can relate.

I grew up in a dysfunctional household. My parents had an unhappy marriage and would constantly fight, but they remained married yet never tried to fix their problems. I believe my mom suffers from mental illnesses as well, but she seems to be in denial. It's pretty obvious she has anxiety and probably suffers from depression. I also think she has other issues. My mom has always had an extremely low self worth. She has always felt she was ugly and that no one liked her because she was ugly.

I ended up with similar issues. Making friends was never easy because I was always afraid of rejection. I was shy and withdrawn. I figured if people didn't bother with me it was because they didn't like me and I didn't want to bother them. I did have some friends, mostly the kids I grew up in the neighborhood with.

School became difficult for me as I got older because I felt socially isolated because I just didn't make friends and I felt that no one liked me. My first year of high school was so overwhelming for me that I stopped going until I got in trouble for truancy. My parents recognized I had an issue and tried to get me help, but I refused. I did not really understand what was going on with me. I was just afraid of getting professional help because I felt everyone would think I am crazy.

I finished high school but I did not go to college because I did not want to continue my school when I hated it so much. I also was overwhelmed with the cost and did not have anyone to help.

I tried working, but I would end up quitting because I felt like an outcast at work. Everyone was friendly, but I still could not make friends. I also would put so much pressure on myself to do well, but I feel completely incapable of doing anything. I just felt like a failure. So I have lived with my parents.

My parents had me much later in life so they are basically old enough to be my grandparents. So I knew I couldn't rely on them forever and I needed to get my act together, but I could never find a way to do it.

My dad died on October 12th after a brief battle with cancer. We never knew he had it until it's too late.

If losing my dad isn't bad enough, life has become a bigger financial struggle for my mother and I. My dad had no life insurance because he could not afford to keep his policy. So we need to find a way to eat. We can't even afford heat this winter. On top of that we live in an old house in need of many repairs, but we cannot afford it. We experienced a lot of damage to the roof and ceilings during the hurricane but we can't fix it. I hope insurance pays for it.

I need to get a job, but I feel like I am such a failure that I can't handle anything. I also don't drive because I got into an accident about 10 years ago and haven't driven since. So I need to overcome that as well.

I have no friends or no family. Making friends had always been tough for me, but it's even worse now because I have no self worth. I have hated myself for not being able to financially support myself. I hate that I am a loser that has lived with my parents.

Most of my family are deceased. My grandparents have been long deceased. All of my aunts and uncles are also deceased, but I didn't know them well anyway. I have a much older half sister, but she has been estranged for my family most of my life. I contacted her before my dad died, but she ignored it.

So I am awfully lonely and terrified for my future. I am scared to death of losing my mother. When she is gone I will truly have no one in this world.

I feel like I have absolutely nothing going for me in my life. I feel like I have to be the lowest person on earth since I have nothing. No job, no friends, no family besides mom. If it wasn't for my mom and my cat I'd have no reason to live.

I really need to get my life together but it's hard when I don't see an end to this misery.