Yes .. alcohol can devastate an entire family. I am sorry for your loss. Tomorrow will pass ... all by itself.

I am so sorry for your loss. I know it will be hard, but you and your mother will make it through tomorrow just fine. My thoughts will be with you and your mother. Sending you both a hug.

We lost my sister a few years ago, it was sudden and unexpected. My parents were devastated. To be honest, I don't think my mother ever got over it. She was well on her way to dementia before my sister passed away, and I think the death accelerated her decline. My dad was able to come to terms with it, but he still chokes up if we talk too much about her.

I think I spent so much energy trying to help my parents through it that I kind of numbed myself through the grieving process.

You have to come to terms with his passing in your own way. Somewhere in your head there is a checklist of things you need to do. You just need to identify those items and then do them. (Your list is unique to you, but odds are that you have a lot of the same items on your list that the rest of us had.)

Have you allowed yourself to get angry at your brother yet? I believe that if my sister had gotten her weight under control and lived a healthier lifestyle that she would still be with us. I think that allowing myself to be angry about that, if only for a while, is part of what helped get me through.

There is a bereavement group here, I found a lot of comfort there when my sister passed.

Gentle hugs

PepperMan, I have definitely gotten angry at him. I think I've been through all the stages of grief several times over the past 9 months. I think we all have come to terms with it as well, we'll mention him here and there without breaking down. I have my moments, for instance I was out last weekend and people were talking about their brothers and it hit me. It's just so incredibly hard to hear my mom cry, she's always such a tough woman. My dad doesn't really show any outward emotion, but he has been different since August. That's another date I'm dreading.

I understand how you feel. I lost a son in 2005 due to a car accident involving alcohol. He and the driver were both drinking and the driver missed a curve, hit an embankment and my son was ejected and killed. He was 37 yrs. old. Losing loved ones is never easy. My thoughts and prayers are with you and I pray for strength for you and your parents to get through tomorrow.

I lost my brother ......I keep close to me ..all the good memories ...when we talk of my brother we talk of these good times ...and some of the things he got away with ..lol. we celeberat his life .....so when I think of him I can smill ...and ..I know I will see him when it is time for me to go home .......I am sorry for your loss .......I still miss my brother ...and he still makes me smile ..........take care .......I will keep you in my prayers ...God bless

I have loved and lost as well and do understand. For some reason, I ran across these quotes today and would like to share them with you in hopes that they ease your pain. With love, Gramybear

1. The more I listen to people in grief the more I understand that there is no "Normal" way to grieve. However, the more I listen the more I am convinced that everyone in grief has one basic need--someone to simply notice and acknowledge the depths of the pain.

2. What we have once enjoyed we can never lose. All that we love deeply becomes a part of us.

3. When someone dies, you don't get over it by forgetting; you get over it by remembering, and you are aware that no person is ever truly lost or gone once they have been in our life and loved us, as we have loved them.

With much love and many gentle hugs. GB

Thank you all, and I'm very sorry that you've lost people too. I think we did a decent job of distracting ourselves. My mom, daughter and I went to the mall and my dad stayed home. He doesn't walk well these days. But at the expense of my anxiety due to crowds, we soldiered on. I'm hoping my mom will be ok tomorrow, she still has me for Mother's Day.

I've lost loved ones and one thing I've learned is that grief is complex and complicated and it just takes time. And it's sneaky - sometimes you'll be doing just fine and then a memory will be triggered and the pain will be very real again. (I once cried my eyes out at a Walmart when I was buying a game for a friend because I realized Monopoly was the last game I had played with my mom). Everyone grieves differently. Support each other when you can, just your presence is all that is needed.

Alana,
When it comes to grief, there is no right way to say it or know how to feel (if it makes since to you). My brother, the one who is 3 years older than me, had been put into jail. I don't know the reason. He was not living with us when it happened, he never did live with us. He always lived in California; he was forced to move here at the beginning of last year. I had to deal with alcoholism in my family as well.

I wrote in the "post traumatic" and "depression" room how angry I am about this situation and that I feel that it ruined our lives.

Grief will make you say bad things and have bad feelings. I hope my grief will pass. But hang in there like what I'm doing. I know it's hard. I can tell this, my mom had been doing a lot of crying herself. She makes statements that hurt like hell like when she said that she don't want to live with me and my brother here anymore.

I came from a big family: me, my one and only sister who lives in California. She has three grown children, two girls and a boy. The girls are married but the boy isn't, and my sister has five grand kids.
They had alcohol problems in their family too. Like you grief is hard to deal with and it hurts like hell when your mom cries but with me when I express my feelings, I usually get a lecture from another person and then I feel like crap the whole day, (like how I feel now).

Pepperman,

I had gotten upset with my brother and I am hurt at the same time about him being in jail. I heard conflicting stories from my mom, and a brother who lives in California, I don't live there and this brother, the one in jail, never called us. The brother in California was the one who called and told my mom that this brother is in jail, and why he suspects that he is in one. It hurts me to know that my brother in jail is a type of person who would not hurt anyone, he is a type that has a good heart. He'll give his last penny to you if he feel that you need it but it's the things he does that makes me very angry. We are both in our forties; I was listening to old music from our childhood and I began to cry but I can't share this with my mom because she'll start feeling guilty again.

Alana,

I think the same way. Since 2010, mom hasn't been the same woman like she was before that year. I remember as being a strong woman, and always have advice about things but now I feel that I lost so much because of outsiders, including family. My mom is almost 80 years young and.....what a rude awaking to see what I see now.