Heyllo, I'm a 13 year old girl from OH, USA and for privacy I would like to keep my name and all other names anonymous so in that case all names mentioned here are fake.

If you're still reading don't stop because I have something to say to this world before mine ends.

I think it might finally be time... I thought this would end with God getting me through it making me something beautiful and amazing but that obviously didn't happen and I keep asking myself why. Why was I put through all this suffering with absolutely no way out? It doesn't make sense and to be honest, it's my dad's fault. He's the one who's emotionally abusive and has put me through all this shit but he always manages to blame me for everything. Even if I had nothing to do with it or it's nothing I could control, he always makes me think it's my fault, that I'm insane for feeling so depressed, and that I'm the one screwing everything up. I have 2 younger brothers who I can't protect from anything let alone my father and of course I blame myself for that too.

But ya know what? I'm tired of blaming anyone. I just want the problems to stop and my only way out is to kill myself.

I could tell you my whole story but that would take forever and I tried to last night and when I clicked post it had an error so anyway I'm not doing that. 

I would like to tell my loved ones how much they mean to me. My little bros, I hate and love you at the same time and I wish I was strong enough to stick around for you.

My youth leader, you've been a spiritual mother to me from the very beginning never letting me go and never judging me I love you.

Some of my closest friends (I'll be using nicknames). Land Narwhal you're pretty amazing and we've been officially together for a total of 5 days (so long I know, sarcasm) so this probably isn't the best way to end it but I'm sorry and I would like to thank you for loving and wanting to be with me even while knowing how depressed and broken I was. And thanks for also being my best friend even though I'm really weird.

My friend Bre-Bre. You're so amazing you're so supportive and the best friend anyone could've ever asked for, and I know you're gonna do amazing things with you're writing, don't ever doubt yourself because you're so fucking amazing bre-bre.

My friend Cristi. You're an amazing listener and were always there for me. I'm gonna really miss our movie nights and fake trips together and I'll never forget how excited I get when I see you for the first time I'm many months. I miss you so much.

I have many other besties but unfortunately not enough time to write paragraphs about all of them but I would still like to acknowledge them (Still by Nickname). Ooby, Fifi, Cookie, Maggers, both my friends that I call Lee-Lee, Alejandra, Trin-Trin, Tiff, Little Mermaid, Annie, Kinsey, and many more. I love you all more than you'll ever know. Also my mom (don't worry I didn't forget you) we've had a lot of bumps and struggles but you were doing your best and I forgive you for everything you've ever done and I still love you because you were there for me and wanted nothing more than to protect me.

I would quickly like to share a memory I have. It was the summer in between my 6th and 7th grade year, my family went to Gulf Shores, AL for a week. It was so amazing and for the time I was convinced things were about to get better because of how perfect they were and how relaxed and at peace I was for the first time since I could remember. My parents also didn't fight when we were there it was so perfect and I'll never forget the feeling of complete peace I had while I was there.

Before I finish and write my closing paragraph I would like to leave a note to my father. You are the one who put me in this dark corner of my mind and trapped me there. You're my father, you aren't supposed to be the cause of that but you are and somehow I still can't hate you. Because I'm still that little girl who wants nothing more than for you to hold me in your arms and tell everything's gonna be ok. But unfortunately I don't think that'll ever happen again or if it does it won't be true. So anyway I wish you nothing more than to be ok after I'm gone.

I said in the beginning how it didn't make sense as to why I feel I can't get through this and why I'm not some amazing person who is strong and can conquer anything. But I'm realizing I was already who God wanted me to be. He made me a fucking unicorn. A unicorn with dreams of living in NYC and becoming a writer to inspire millions. Only problem is I got some bad luck and here I am. I heard a motivational speaker say yesterday, "to help and protect others from going through the same struggles as you, you must tell your secret." And this is my secret that I'm sharing with you now.

I'm not sure if I'll kill myself seeing as every other time I've wanted to I could never bring myself to do it but if I do I'm happy that these were my last words to this perfectly imperfect world and that I've inspired you to believe God made you something amazing and you should never lose hope like I have. So in conclusion this is me saying goodbye and I love you for the last time.

Kissy face