So some old memories have resurfaced and it’s really hard. 

This happened years ago and I never told anyone. Now that I’m older and I have a better understanding of myself and the world it’s caught up with me. 

I would say in this day and age I am pretty sexually liberated with a lot of work behind that goal. But between my mother making suggestive comments about my private parts and the fear I felt having cis guys walk behind me I hit a big stop. 

The truth is that at age 12 I was sexually assaulted and then at 13 I was molested. By 3 different cishet guys. 

I haven’t seen any of them in years and for a while I was in denial. I’m going to put down the first experiences. It’s the more traumatic of the two and I never told anybody. 

The first guy was my classmate. We were in a single file line and he touched me from behind. He apologized and I turned around. Then he touched me again so I punched him. 

At our seats he came up to my chair and he pinched and grabbed my chest. He left and came back and touched my pelvis. I yelled at him to leave and threatened to hurt him. He left. 

A few minutes later he came back to me and apologized. Only to immediately grope me between my legs. 

He told me that I was ugly but that I had a nice body. And I was so disgusted. 

Months later he slapped my ass. So that really tells you how full of shit he was. At age 12 I kept it a secret I didn’t tell anyone not even my parents. 

I live in constant fear that the people around me will violate my body and it takes a lot for me to feel comfortable even showing skin. The good news is that I feel ready to tell someone now. To ask for help and support.