This is 100% my husband. I know he doesn’t do it maliciously, but it doesn’t make it any easier to live with. Sending positive codes you way.

I think this has some meaning towards my partner but through alcohol into the mix
I’m getting to the point I don’t know what to do or how to help him anymore, he shuts me out but tells me he’s lonely he tells me he loves but tells me I’m to blame for how he is he tells me drink helps with the self loathing and voices but he’s more depressed when drunk
I feel guilty for not knowing how much more me or our kids can take

spicesoflife it sounds like we are living the same life. I don't know what to do, my husband has no other support besides me and my daughter and therapist he sees minimally. We feel so guilty when we want to live our lives and get together with our friends and family. I am also concerned for his safety when he is left alone.

That statement describes Anxiety Disorders of the worst sort. And it describes people who do little to control their Anxiety. People can manage Anxiety with meds/coping skills/various modalities of therapy/limiting stimulants and depressants like alcohol and recreational drugs. But they have to be willing to do the work involved, and it is work.

If someone has Anxiety to the point that they can't function in general or around other people and refuse to do the things necessary to make them better, then they should be evaluated for In-patient care. That's a far too difficult situation for un-trained family members to manage especially if their is substance/alcohol abuse in the mix.

Hello there! If I may, I would like to ask you an honest question. Since your are the support person of a mentally ill person. Do you feel that if you work hard, that it earns you right of not having to doing anything around the house or cook for that person? Do you feel that just your presence and support is enough? I'm just curious. I am in a severe depressive state with suicidality, occasional anxiety. My husband seems to think that it's enough for him to work his 2 great jobs and when he's home not have to lift a finger. He has no idea what it feels like to go through the hell I'm in internally. I still pull my miserable ass outta bed every morning, do the laundry, cook, clean a little, do dishes, fix things. etc. Do you feel the same way? For instance, he got up early to watch football today, when I game downstairs, jokingly I said, "where's breakfast?" Which he replied more seriously, "yeah right! I have to go to work!" Which mind you, he didn't have to be at work til 2pm but he managed to get his ass outta bed early just to watch the Eagles play. I'm the one who usually makes breakfast, etc. It would be nice to be taken care of here and there. I swear I felt like poisoning his food. He causes so much resentment, frustration and anger within me. He has no idea what it's like being this way. Thanks. Enjoy the rest of your day!!

Another thing I forgot to mention is, you or your wife should do some research on CBD Oil. I've noticed it calms my anxiety. It can be used for a whole slew of problems, so I gave it a go. Pricey though.

So I do all of the grocery shopping (which I, oddly, kinda enjoy), we split on laundry and house cleaning, cooking is toss up and we tend to all graze when hungry. So no.... I do not feel like my professional life affords me the right to do nothing at home.

Thankyou so much for your post! Explains my husband's battles to a tee and helped me to understand the condition more. It was nice to see it in writing but so hard to live with especially when you have family you would like to see occasionally. I also worry for his safety when he is left alone.

I would add that I have done a great deal of reading on cPTSD and anxiety/depression and do what I can to support her while resisting the temptation to try to "fix" her issues. That is her journey to take how and when she is ready. My job is to take care of myself and be as patient and consistent as I can be. I also try to remind myself that if I am ever disappointed or frustrated, it is with the illness and not the person.

I should add that our marriage has been sexless for several years. The isolation extends to me and our youngest child, who is still at home. What little people energy she can muster is 100% used in her professional life...nothing but empty tanks here are home.