Well my first thought is that having ADHD and BiPolar in an adult are conflicting diagnosis', especially if the primary BiPolar factor is Depression. I know a little about it, I'm 28 years BiPolar. The meds used to treat those 2 illnesses can crash against each other. I would suggest perhaps getting a new Diagnosis or a 2nd Diagnosis from a Psychiatrist. Chronic Pain can also manifest in Depression, it's hard when you're in pain 24/7. I also know a bit about that, I've been in Pain Management since I was 17, that would be 31 years now. Your wife needs to get on a better Treatment plan for her BiPolar, she needs to be up and moving and working towards Stable. Same for the Chronic Pain, you don't just lay around overmedicated. Have you considered going to a Therapy Session with her so you can voice your concerns in a safe environment? Sometimes it takes tough love and firm but gentle nudging to get your partner moving again. Chronic Pain and BiPolar Depression can make you think that life is over, no point in going on or doing anything as it won't get better anyway. That of course is not true. BiPolar is not curable, but it is manageable, and you can have long periods of Stability. I've had a Professional Career all my adult life, raised 2 sons, had a 25 yr. marriage, (to a jerk) am now 6 yrs single, still work, support myself and enjoy my life.

I've done all that in between 5 suicide attempts, 5 In-Patient Psych Stays, 30 Surgeries, countless tests, procedures, and treatments. I take 22 pills and injections a day to make my body do what it's supposed to, to make up for all the missing or diseased organs. I've got 7 genetic and/or chronic medical illness and the 1 big Mental Illness...but I still have a life. It can be done, but it takes work and acceptance and treatment and fighting for the best Dr.'s that you can have.

So, that's what I can tell you. I hope your wife can find a way to rejoin the living race.

Maybe try taking her to church?? Give her a massage... write her a love note. It's very hard to be in the position you are in. I'm glad you joined the group. Don't give up on her.

Thank you both very much.
This is the third diagnosis, she was extremely violent and hateful for sometime, she is quite and calm now due to medications. I honesty believe she's on way too many meds, just my opinion since I just don't believe in meds unless it's severe physical pain. The problem is fear, she is afraid to walk, lies on the couch all day. I try to have her walk with me and the dogs, no success there. We have been in therapy together, didn't seem to help much.
I used to buy flowers, send love notes...... I honestly don't feel the love anymore. I do love her to death but sometimes I'm just giving up. I do everything around the house, cook, shop, clean, yard work, walk the dogs, feed all the animals, pay the bills, work...... I'm exhausted.
I understand there is the depression factor BUT, she just refuses to listen to anyone. She is always right. I'm very careful with my words, don't want to upset her, she would show a fit. I am miserable and really have no clue what to do. I used to be an extremely happy person, not any more. I really do want to help her but, how can you even offer help to someone that refuses the help. So frustrating.

I'm sorry but taking her to church isn't really a valid treatment.

you've tried a lot of things. So, maybe it's shock and awe time, have you tried having her committed to a Psych Ward for a week or so and letting them get her meds adjusted and getting her in some intensive therapies so she'll start living and get out of the fear-bubble? It won't hurt her, and it sounds like she is over-medicated, she shouldn't be medicated to the point of being a Zombie. One thing you can't do is express your disbelief in medications, that's not fair to her, because she has a very serious Mental Illness that she'll have to take medications to manage it for the rest of her life most likely.

Something needs to be done, she can't just be allowed to exist on the couch.....

We are not really religious, we are spiritual to say the least.
Last year, she went on a violent streak, drove the car with a bottle of alcohol in her hand straight to a state mental facility, she was determined to admit herself, in the most bizarre way for sure. I got a call from the police department that my wife is being held there, I could not even see her for a week. She was there for more than 2 weeks, upon release, she started seeing a therapist, a physiologist and a medical doctor. I did get better in a way she is calm however, the demeanor and attitude changed. She is not the person I met and got married to about 15 years ago. My wife is not the woman I fell in love with at all, totally and completely different person.
She is on medications but it changes a lot. Doctors try a med and see how it affects her, if it doesn't work, they change it. In my opinion, too many medications for one person to handle. Maybe it's just me, I believe in taking a walk instead of sitting down staring at a wall. I honesty and truly tried everything possible to take her out of the slum she's in but, leaving the house these days is not something she would rather do. She had a wonderful career, successful and it's all gone.

Just writing this in the morning is a great relief for me. Thank you all so much. Happy Wednesday. Cheers!

I feel you. This might be overstepping, but maybe you could call her psychiatrist and leave a message letting them know how she is at home, your concerns about being afraid to walk, etc.

You can't heal her. I know that hurts, but it's the truth. Even though I know you're super busy, working hard to make up the difference financially etc, but you should try to make some new friends, do some activities that you used to enjoy. It won't help her, but it will help you. Take care of yourself.

I’m learning through this process that taking care of yourself is just as important as her treatment. The doctors will figure out a resolution over time, it it takes time. Try to keep yourself healthy, so that you’re there for her once she does feel better. I started seeing a therapist just for my own sanity, it really gives me someone to vent to with an unbiased option.

Thank you all so much. I truly appreciate the support.
She sees a therapist by herself and I do go with her to see her psychiatrist,
I've been so extremely busy, staring a new career and business, I'm 57 years young and it's a challenge. It just bothers me so much that also do most of the house duties. I walk our dogs twice daily for almost 4 miles, food shopping and cleaning the house. She might vacuum once in a while but I have to say, I'm exhausted. On a different note, I feel lonely at times. It is really hard living with someone with severe depression. It is Sunday night so I'm going to say good night. Have a wonderful week everyone. Cheers!