Depression Supporters Support Group
This community is dedicated to spouses, children, relatives, co-workers and others who are actively supporting someone suffering from depression or other serious mental illness. Depression can bring about intense sadness, melancholia or despair that has advanced to the point of being disruptive, which can have a grave impact on the ability of others trying to help.
I've been with my husband for about 15 years, and he seems to struggle with depression. About 6 years ago he took a leave from work for a few months and spent it sleeping and playing computer games for the most part. About 2-3 years ago he was off work for about 5 months, and now he's been off work since January 2020.
Each time he's requested leave from work for mental health, and twice he's been on leave until the company does a round of layoffs and he gets cut.
It's been tough supporting him through these since he doesn't express emotions very well - I don't typically see the struggle he's going through. I know not feeling motivated or confident or up to working can be symptoms of depression so I try to be supportive. But he doesn't like labelling it depression and outwardly he seems to enjoy having full freedom to sleep or game. If I ask him how he's feeling he usually says he's feeling good and he still enjoys a lot of activities and aspects of his day.
We have chats to try to communicate emotions better but the main outcome seems to typically be that he's a bit hurt that I don't see his struggle and I'm still a bit in the dark. He doesn't label it depression but says he has low energy and everything seems intimidating. It seems to me like he hits those bad feelings and immediately escapes into a computer game or game stream, leaving me to deal with actually figuring our life out.
I feel guilty getting frustrated with him, and guilty about how much this post reads like a rant.
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Ever since I stopped doing therapy because of insurance, I've been feeling that old tense and irritable sense of anxiety and stress. I hate that. I was making so many strides and changes during therapy, my therapist would acknowledge all of my progress and accomplishments, and I miss that reassurance. Today I thought about it, and I made those changes! She would always tell me that I chose to...
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I'm horrified! I knew my insurance would go up due to getting a new car but I didn't expect it to go up over $2,000. I did have an accident with the snow/ice in the winter. I was just telling my brother that I have had my car since March 2, 2026 and have only spent $75 on an oil change. Now this! I called another insurance company and their quote was over $4,000. I guess I have to pay...
I am not sure if he is depressed or not. He seems to find happiness in playing video games, so maybe he is only depressed at the thought of having to work? I am wondering if this is affecting you financially?
You could suggest he go to counseling, and if he doesn't want to, say it is counseling for the both of you. That you are concerned about his lack of motivation to work and that he doesn't seem like himself anymore.
If you approach it in a calm, supportive way, he may be more receptive to going to counseling, which would be a good start to find out why he has been acting this way.
Make sure to take care of YOU. Have activities and things that you like to do, and friends and family that you talk to and spend time with.
Seems like you are doing a lot for him and you are doing the best you can. We can not change another person. See if he would be open to getting therapy. Hope it works out for you!
His counsellor works through different interventions and ideas to help but it's been a bit hard to say what effect things are having.
It's definitely been a bit of a financial challenge, but I've got family that have voiced support if we need - in a luckier spot than many.
He may need an adjustment to his medications, or to get a new therapist. A psychiatrist can help with all of that. "Regular" family doctors are not as versed on mental health issues, so I would suggest he see a psychiatrist to get the help he needs.
Sorry you are dealing with all of this. Make sure and take care of YOU through all of this. You might want to talk to your own therapist for your own sake, too. I find my therapist helps me to see things in a different way, and it inspires me to try a different approach to my problems (I am in therapy for anxiety).
There is help out there. You don't have to go through this marriage alone. Medication and therapy can help him, but he needs the right kind of medication and the right kind of therapy.
I hope things work out for you!