You know there's no Rule that when you get with someone who has a Mental Issue, you have to stay with them. Many people fear, "Oh they'll try to kill themselves, or what not". But it's not your fault or responsibility that she's sick, and she is sick with a Disease that has no cure, only treatment that she will have to deal with for the rest of her life, most likely.

Your not less of a man or a bad person if you can't handle that. You deserve to be happy and have all of your needs met. So, you find a safe way to break up if that's what you want. Calling her Therapist, I hope she's in treatment and has a Therapist, and arranging a joint Session is probably one of the best and safest way to do so. If that's not your thing, then making sure that she has a support system of family and friends to fall back on would be 2nd.

Just explain to her that you didn't understand how bad it would be and you don't think you're the right person to be with her. Anyway you do it, she's going to be overemotional, distraught and so on, alot of that is the depression. But if you're having those thoughts its better to do it now, rather than keep it going.....

Take care,
kat

Ooh, a joint therapy session is a great idea. I would agree that it's better to address the issue asap than let it get even harder. It seems to me like the longer you stay, the harder it is to leave eventually. And you're unlikely to get any support or even thanks from your partner in the current condition, so you'll keep getting emptier and emptier until something changes. <3

You say that you love her very much... but you have needs that are not being met. I agree that a joint therapy session is an awesome idea however I think that it can be used as a tool to help you get your needs/wants heard. I would start there instead of jumping in to break off a relationship with someone you love and have invested a lot of time in.

Hi Folks,

Thanks for the replies on this. Just to give more context, she is someone who goes to counseling, meditates, etc and is very aware and doing her best to treat and delve deep into the root causes of this. There is trauma in her past.

Where I have really struggled is when she seems hopeless for days on end or has mentioned not being opposed to self harm. In those moments I try my best to either have her contact her counselor, do grounding exercises, or just give her a pat on the back and space because there isn't much that can be done.

Then in turn when there are smaller things that bother her and I find that I get all worked up because I am afraid this will trigger her into a dark spell. This are the moments that are the worst for me because my nervous system cannot tell the difference between those small moments of annoyance and the bigger and harder moments. This has been challenging. In counseling I have learned how to ground myself to the best of my ability and invest in myself. I make sure I run everyday etc.

To be honest, I really do not want to break up with her, and not because I think it would result in her hurting herself but in many moments we have a healthy, loving, and caring relationship.

Last night, and over the past few days I really reached my breaking point. I finally was able to communicate this and we had a really good conversation that has opened the door of going to counseling together. Just having her hear me about how hard this has been was really nice.

This is something that will take time, I know that, but I do think with us doing individual and group counseling it is something that is not worth throwing away as I do very much love her.