Depression Supporters Support Group
This community is dedicated to spouses, children, relatives, co-workers and others who are actively supporting someone suffering from depression or other serious mental illness. Depression can bring about intense sadness, melancholia or despair that has advanced to the point of being disruptive, which can have a grave impact on the ability of others trying to help.
I am currently divorcing my husband of 15 years. He is unemployed, has few friends, and does not have a good relationship with his family. He has fallen into a deep depression that was aggrevated by his job loss a year ago and me divorcing him. We have one young daughter. I have tried very hard to get my husband to seek help with his depression long before the divorce. I added him to my top of the line insurance when he lost his job. I encouraged him to see a counselor, I spoke with his mother (who doesn't believe in mental illness), got us couples counseling, and encouraged him to see a doctor. He refuses to get help and he stopped seeing his counselor. He didn't talk to his doctor. He doesn't really seem to be able to do much right now. I am scared that he'll hurt himself, but he hates me so much right now that I cannot even talk with him right now to find out. I want him to get help, but I don't know how to do this. I am also trapped in hell, because he is miserable and angry and won't help around the house. I work full time and I am also staring to suffer -- with migraines and stomach pain. I am shouldering all of the responsibility and I am living with someone who hates me, but who isn't capable of getting a job or getting help. He won't take help from me. Our couples counselor is going to reach out and see if he'll seek therapy with her office, but I am pretty sure he'll refuse. I really don't know what to do. I cannot stay in this miserable household, but I also don't want to hurt my ex by pushing him out of the house. I want to get him help, but he won't take it from me. He has no friends to help me convince him that he needs help. I am considering calling crisis intervention, but I am afraid he'll blame me for trying to sabatoge his chances at custody and then he'll never sign a divorce settlement. But I am happy to share custody, but he needs to be well. I really don't know what to do. Advice, anyone?
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Hi All.... It's great to see all of the new people joining the site... I'm loving it!!...smileI'm not sure if people are aware that if you don't have Bipolar Disorder but have a loved one who has the disorder we do have a board for people to go to in order to share their experiences and seek friendship, support or adviseIt's the Friends and Family of Bipolar Board.... I hope you'll take a...
So, I'm not sure what else you think you can do besides bodily pick him up and carry him to a Pdoc's office each week then carry him home. You've done everything you possibly can and then some. I realize this is a man that you once loved and thought you'd share a life with, but you can't help someone who doesn't want to help himself and won't help himself. There's not really anything else you can do, that you've not already done.
You're now at the point where your making yourself sick over this. You need to proceed with your plans and move out with your 15 yr. old and get your life started. If your husband does something to try and hurt himself or makes a threat of that sort, then you can call your local police station and have him picked up on a 5150 Hold (72 hrs.) for being a danger to himself or others. That would probably be good for him, because they would get him on medication during the 72 hours he was at the hospital, and he would not be able to check himself out. At the end of the 72 hours the Pdoc would decide whether he could leave or if he needed to stay for more treatment. As for your child going to stay with him, ummm NO. Your child should not be there unsupervised until your husband has straightened up and gotten back to the business of living. Its not your childs job to go over and wait on and watch over their father. That is way to much stress. You don't have to mandate Custody right now, that can be decided later when he's better.
But it really is time to get on with your life. If Crisis Intervention can help then call them. Right now he's going to be mad about everything and at everybody, so what, this is about what's best for both of you. Crisis Intervention can keep him safe and get him placed somewhere that he can get the help he needs, I would think. And you can get you and your child settled in a peaceful house and start getting used to this new stage of your life. You just explain to your child that Daddy's sick right now and when he's better he'll be able to visit and spend time with them....keep it simple since you don't know any of those details yet.
I know this feels harsh, and probably like your quitting on him....your not. He can't get help until he's ready to accept it. The work that he has to do to get through this is not easy, and it won't work if he's not ready to do it. Hang in there, i'll be keeping you and your child in my thoughts. Take care.