I don't think that you can force the issue... Unfortunately people can make bad choices and it can be awfully hard on those that they love

I would sit down and talk with her when everyone is calm and suggest you'd like to see if there is any help for her

Unless someone is seen as a threat to themselves or to others there isn't much you can to

You can request a community psych evaluation in Ontario but a person has to be really FAR gone in order the them to do anything

I know that it's really hard... My mom has Alzheimer's .... Big hug.... There is a Caring for Aging Parents board on here that talks a lot about dementia

Big hug.....xo

https://www.dailystrength.org/group/caring-for-aging-parents

Thank you for your response to my question. We have tried talking to her several time about getting help and she is adamant about refusing. We just didn't know if not forcing it was really the right thing to do. I appreciate the hug. Please accept my return hug.

How your MIL is, is part of what can be called loss of executive functioning. She may not make good decisions any longer but also doesn't recognize this and doesn't want to lose her independence. Your husband - her son - will have to lead the train here as she probably won't respect your doing so. The problem is that there is no medication that reverses dementia and often people who lack executive functioning or have dementia need supportive care giving. What you guys can do is get educated about it. Husband can offer to help her pay her bills or bring her meals or whatever. He offers and maybe you do the whatever at your house. She will likely see this as positive if she thinks your husband does it for her but negative if you are "bossing her around" even if you aren't. I think perhaps writing down some of the latest incidents that concern you both and going to her together or husband alone and saying "Mom this is a problem and I don't feel you are safe." I might suggest you and husband meet with a geriatric care manager who is also a social worker not just someone who owns a home health company. If you are in the USA, contact your local Area Agency on Aging. Look on the Alzheimer's website or AARP maybe. You and husband figure out what she might need at this time. Is she no longer brushing her teeth or bathing? Is she no longer able to cook for herself or drive? Is she needing simple help, like a part time care giver in her home or is she going towards walking out the door and getting lost after driving somewhere. Lead any discussions with understanding about her feelings about losing her independence. No one likes to lose their independence, it is like going back to childhood. Dave Ramsey says that parents don't want to take advice from their kids, he calls it "powdered butt syndrome" if you powdered their butt changing diapers, it very very difficult to reverse roles and allow them to be the expert on your life. People who may have dementia can get tested by neuro-psychologists or have tests done on their brains to try to assess the damage to their brains. In my opinion, it depends on what your MIL need whether or not it is okay to allow them to drive the train. I personally believe it is not ethically or morally right to do nothing when the older adult can no longer function on their own. Yes, you probably will have to force the issue. Whether that means taking away her car or getting her help in the home varies by person. Yes, it will be hard if the MIL becomes angry about it but that is better than allowing her to drive and either get lost or cause a wreck. I watched my husband's siblings do nothing when his parents were failing in their house. I work with older adults and not one of the siblings would listen to me that the parents were no longer "safe" alone at home. Finally, they were forced to move to assisted living and at least they were safe and it turned out they liked having meals made for them and having help to bathe, etc.. I also lived with a mostly older adult group of people in a condo and so many of them were too old to live safely on their own but they demanded to their kids that they were okay. So they were left to live alone but unsafely alone. Things like not being able to turn off the stove, not being able to pay their own bills (write the checks), not knowing what day it is, not being able to drive safely, not being able to back the car out of the parking lot in one smooth move but rather 6-8 jerky half movements and still crooked in the driveway or hitting another car, being prey to the one home owner who talked them into giving him their proxy for every vote of the condo association, thinking the heat should be on when it is summer and 100 degrees outside and then getting really upset the heat is not on and not being able to be reasoned with. Just stuff like that. Sometimes it is like having to do tough love with a teenager. Sigh.

Thank you for the feedback. It is so appreciated.

I'm sorry I neglected to mention MIL already lives with us. She has all her own space in the basement just like an apartment without the kitchen. She has to come upstairs to fix food or eat with us. My husband has already tried to help with bills and banking but she absolutely refuses. Anytime we try to help in anyway she gets very defensive and becomes very anxious which worsens the whole situation. I'm sure she won't allow us to bring in anyone to evaluate her. It would help us tremendously if we could know which kind of dementia she has. She is still able to drive as long as there are no detours to or from where she is going.

Can anyone tell me what we are in for and what we should try to do for her?

I agree with SunCloud. Unfortunately your MIL will make the final decision as to whether she'll seek medical help. Even if she seeks the help and is put on medication, there's no guarantee that she'll keep taking it. We went through this with my MIl several years ago. Once she saw a doctor and was put on medication, she then refused to take the medication claiming that there was nothing wrong with her. Very strong willed woman; (stubborn) I should say. She quickly forgot that she had an issue and went down hill very quickly. She spent the last 3 years of her life in a nursing home and eventually became a vegetable. So sad!

We did have a family intervention with her in the beginning and at least got her to seek help. So, I would suggest that if she has any other children besides your husband that everyone commit to having a meeting with her. Maybe you'll get further than we did.

It's not an easy road, especially when they refuse to believe they having nothing wrong. It's frustrating.

All my best to you in this battle because that's what it ends up being; a battle.