I think some of that goes away with time, but some of it can linger until you nip it.

I actually found therapy to be really helpful with working through the hyper vigilance about my body. That, and I started doing something like this, which as kooky as it sounds, was super helpful:

http://triangleacupunctureclinic.com/docs/fertility/body_scan_relaxation_exercise.pdf

I don't have a lot of advice, but I can say that is does get better with time. Have you considered Lexapro or something similar to help you deal with the anxiety?

Yes, and No.

I was on meds about 5 years ago, while going through a divorce. Celexa and Ativan. I don't know how well the Celexa worked, but the Ativan was like a memory eraser!! Don't want to go there again. I think I'm going to use rmb's relaxation technique. It looks like I'm going to be alone, and I need to cope with this stuff on my own.

I understand what you mean. After my first baby, they put me on Prozac for the baby blues. You know that M.C. Escher drawing with all the staircases? I felt like I was trapped in there 24/7, lol. I went off it after a week and decided I'd be better off just getting through it on my own. Which thankfully did work. Practicing any kind of relaxation and coping techniques can never really hurt, so I say go for it!

Any kind of guided meditation may help. There's all kinds of cds you can by or even maybe check out at a local library.

I think there are many ways to approach it, meds, therapy, exercise, yoga, medication, all the of above, a combination of the above. So there are options and the bigger take away is that it's not just something you have to now put up with as your part of your life now.

I can't speak highly enough about therapy to help with this, but I know that's not everyone's bag. In fact, I didn't know it was my bag until I actually pulled the trigger and sought help. It was a revelation to me. But it's finding what makes sense for you. You've been through a lot of shit. I'd be surprised if you didn't have feelings of panic and fear.

I mean BUY, not BY.

I still panic a lot whenever I feel stabbing pains in my chest, or zipping or popping in my DVT leg. Most of the time I just ignore them, but somethimes they really freak me out. It's a matter of what you feel that you need to do. If the pain is serious enough to get you to think "hey, what's going on here" maybe you should call your doctor and have it checked out. We're all stuck in an endless loop. We are subject to clot at any time, or we are subject to bleed to death at any time from the blood thinners. It's a pretty scary place to be in, but it is the hand that we've all been dealt. Sometimes coming in here and venting is the best thing that you can do. Seeking reassurance from those who are going through the same thing that you're going through can really help when you are feeling alone and scared. I hope you feel better soon!

My brief take on this: Therapy is your first line of defense, but make sure you find the right person; they have to be someone who 1) You feel safe with 2) Understands chronic health problems and 3) Has some background with PTSD or hypervigilance. You may not meet the full criteria for PTSD, and still have some of the symptoms.

Medication is your second line of defense, and I agree with what everyone here says. Personally, I think SSRIs (Lexapro, Cymbalta, Prozac) are useless for anxiety, and are more addictive and have a worse side effect profile than drugs like Ativan. (Lucky, I loved your metaphor about the Escher painting!) They work on the neurotransmitter serotonin, to me, they seem like bad acid-- the jittery, weird depersonalized feeling without any of the insight or visuals. A LOT of my clients have had serious problems with them.

Ativan is the best of the benzodiazepenes-- lowest abuse potential, tolerance isn't that bad, the same dose keeps working, most effective-- with Klonopin being one of the most dangerous, though many doctors are convinced the reverse is true. I'm not speaking as a clinician, this is purely anecdotal advice based only on my own experience and what friends have told me.

Ativan does cause anteretograde amnesia, so you will forget stuff that happens after you take it. What I do is take it at about 10:30, (we eat dinner at around 11:00) when my anxiety is worst. I can remember anything up until 11:45, and then it gets kind of hazy... like, I remember pulling the chicken off the grill, my wife telling me it's perfect, and I remember checking the doors to make sure they're locked, feeding the turtles, and putting the cover on the grill. I remember the mission critical stuff, but that's it. For me, the tradeoff is worth it.

There are great CBT techniques for reducing panic attacks. I think acupuncture is definitely worth a try, don't do it myself, but lots of people have had great luck with it.

I did experience memory loss with ativan. My daughter hated that. I went to the doc yesterday and a mass was palpated in my neck. Ultrasound tomorrow. And the beat goes on...

I agree with rmb about therapy. It helped me deal with the anxiety of having DVT's and PE's. I also therapy since my last DVT was due to an assault.

As far as meds go, there are antianxiety drugs that won't make you feel like a zombie. I have been on Effexor for years, and it has made a huge difference in my life. My depression is manageable with it, and it takes the edge off the anxiety. There are also the "Valium" type drugs that can help during an actual anxiety attack, but not for regular daily use. Talk to your pcp or psychiatrist for help with this. Just because one drug didn't work, there are lots of others out there to try.

Time also helps. I don't freak out as much now that I'm 2 years post last DVT and 4 years post PE. But I do worry when my DVT leg is sorer than normal, or swells more than normal. Just relax and if the pain doesn't go away - get it checked out. I'd rather be wrong and have to apologize to the doc, than wind up in ICU again.

Breathe!