Daughters of Abusive Mothers Community Group
For those of us whose mothers were (or still are) abusive to us. In a society that puts mothers on a pedestal it can often be lonely dealing with the feelings of hurt, betrayal, anger, emptiness and grief of having an abusive mother. People with loving mothers often find it hard to believe or understand. Here is a safe place to express the feelings and find others with...
I live with my mother and brother who are both abusive.
My mother has a constant thing about slamming the kitchen door (underneath my room), sometimes, several times a minute. She'll open the door, put something in the bin, then slam the door. Not 30 seconds later, she'll open the door, do something else then slam the door. This can be repeated a few times within 1.5 minutes. Why not keep the door open to do what you have to do rather than shutting it then opening it? She has a thing about doors being shut all the time in general and seems stressed if she sees the kitchen door open.
I keep asking her not to slam the door, ranging from polite requests, arguments, to pleads not to do it. She is not interested in changing her behaviour at all as she keeps on slamming the door. An hour ago I asked her and she said "it's not me, it's the wind..' etc. I said it is you: it's your behaviour. She then made a noise that sounded like baaaahhdaaaah to drown out what I was saying.
Can anyone offer insight as to 1) why a person would need to keep shutting the door all the time (even in summer) 2) the behaviour itself and 3) why a person would ignore your requests to close it more quietly?
My mother has a constant thing about slamming the kitchen door (underneath my room), sometimes, several times a minute. She'll open the door, put something in the bin, then slam the door. Not 30 seconds later, she'll open the door, do something else then slam the door. This can be repeated a few times within 1.5 minutes. Why not keep the door open to do what you have to do rather than shutting it then opening it? She has a thing about doors being shut all the time in general and seems stressed if she sees the kitchen door open.
I keep asking her not to slam the door, ranging from polite requests, arguments, to pleads not to do it. She is not interested in changing her behaviour at all as she keeps on slamming the door. An hour ago I asked her and she said "it's not me, it's the wind..' etc. I said it is you: it's your behaviour. She then made a noise that sounded like baaaahhdaaaah to drown out what I was saying.
Can anyone offer insight as to 1) why a person would need to keep shutting the door all the time (even in summer) 2) the behaviour itself and 3) why a person would ignore your requests to close it more quietly?
My mother did help my brother a lot with his illness. He was in the mental institution at least 4 times, where all they did pumped him full of meds to keep him quiet. My brother was so medicated that he could not walk and could not control his bodily functions. She understands his condition a lot more than me, but I think it is sad that she does not let him grow up. When I talk to him, its like talking to a teenager; and he is 43 years old. Don't know who will take care of him when my mother passes since I have my on son with disability, I could not take care of him or legally bring him to the US.
When you speak of your brother, it so reminds me of my auntie and grandma situation. My auntie is mid 40s and she acts and speaks like a teenager due to my grandma's abuse. The ironic thing is though, my auntie turns her abuse back on her mother from time to time and a few years, she ran my grandma down so much she ended up in a hospital with depression!