Daughters of Abusive Mothers Community Group

For those of us whose mothers were (or still are) abusive to us. In a society that puts mothers on a pedestal it can often be lonely dealing with the feelings of hurt, betrayal, anger, emptiness and grief of having an abusive mother. People with loving mothers often find it hard to believe or understand. Here is a safe place to express the feelings and find others with...

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madtraveller 12/15/2011

I live with my mother and brother who are both abusive.

My mother has a constant thing about slamming the kitchen door (underneath my room), sometimes, several times a minute. She'll open the door, put something in the bin, then slam the door. Not 30 seconds later, she'll open the door, do something else then slam the door. This can be repeated a few times within 1.5 minutes. Why not keep the door open to do what you have to do rather than shutting it then opening it? She has a thing about doors being shut all the time in general and seems stressed if she sees the kitchen door open.

I keep asking her not to slam the door, ranging from polite requests, arguments, to pleads not to do it. She is not interested in changing her behaviour at all as she keeps on slamming the door. An hour ago I asked her and she said "it's not me, it's the wind..' etc. I said it is you: it's your behaviour. She then made a noise that sounded like baaaahhdaaaah to drown out what I was saying.

Can anyone offer insight as to 1) why a person would need to keep shutting the door all the time (even in summer) 2) the behaviour itself and 3) why a person would ignore your requests to close it more quietly?

enchanting123 01/05/2012

I certainly like to help people and I do care about that friend, even we are totally different personalities. I am very level-headed and realistic she is immature for her age (39)hyper and I had to straight out tell that it is not ok to come visit unannounced or call me all day long, either on my house phone of cell. I think she got it. So I just have to do the same with my mother the next time she blames me for all the wrong in her life and brings up the past, and I know she will do it again. Thats just the way she is. Just have to standup to her and tell her if thats what she has on her mind she better call somebody else because I will not discuss it anymore, specially my mother usually acts like she did everything right.
I sure hope you can get your own place soon, because some things can only be ignored so much. I could not live with my mother, just visiting her is a chore and I have not done it in 10 years. Even over the phone my mother can drive me nuts, and I will not allow it anymore. I live in the US over 25 years and she never visited and now I really don't care anymore. She goes on vacations all the time, including flighing, but my attidute is if she wants to come fine, if not fine too. She would just complain for the whole time anyway.
Have a happy New Year and take care, adios enchanting123

enchanting123 01/05/2012

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