I have been in this very situation, I was married for 23 years. I knew i was attracted to women but did not want to accept this and didn't want to screw up my family (4 kids) or hurt my husband. Sex was never good, we finally divorced and me not telling him hurt him worse because he thought something was wrong with him. I divorced 2 years ago and I just told him 2 weeks ago. It helped him understand a lot of things better and I think he will be supportive of me. If I were to do it all over again I would be honest and face it head on.

Honesty is the best way...I was only married for a year..it just got to the point where I thought I can't live like this anymore....sex was a horrid core and I don't like the way a mans brain works so we could'nt even relate on that level.....It's been around a month now, we have been through some rocky times, my husband is a 'mans man'...he is very caveman, so me telling him I wanted to be with women really battered his ego...he acted like a hurt school boy for a while, but I just sat back and let him know that I was around to talk when he was ready. Now my husband and I have such a close bond with eachother....he really opens up to me...we are married, he is the father of my children and he is my best friend....but he knows that we can never be together and live together as a couple!

be totally honest with your husband. if you keep living in a way that frustrates you, you won't be as happy as you should be. chances are he'll be upset or hurt, but it's better he finds out now than down the road.

Hello All;
I went through the leaving the husband thing back when I was around 28. I actually told my husband I was gay and it took about three years to totally leave as I cared for him and we had two children. But he kept watching me, believing all of my friends were lovers, which they weren't and it became ridiculous.

It hasn't been easy. The person who you think is kind and you love can become angry and vengeful. It has been ten years since I divorced him and we still rarely speak - he has never remarried. But, I can't imagine having made any other choice. Life worked out, people didn't hate me, my children adore me, I have met some wonderful women and lovers, I have been able to move into the deeper parts of myself and know I am living a truthful and authentic life.

Guilt is still lingering on occasion but who doesn't have that. There were times I almost went back just because it was easy and comfortable. But over time things work out, everything irons itself out and the effort becomes worth the journey.

Good luck to any woman in this situation, it certainly isn't easy as no divorce is, especially when mixed with 'coming out'.

I was in the same situation, only before I got married I assumed I was bisexual (still not sure actually) but I have seperated from my husband, and am now in a serious relationship with a woman. I love her, and am happier than I have ever been, telling people now seems easier just becasue Im so happy. You have to be honest with yourself and the ones you love, you deserve to be happy.

Hi Amber- my first time on this website i am usually on another one in daily Strength. I actually have a male partner who is an Asperger and who adores my bi-sexual past.It is a massive turn on for him. He encourages me to be true to
myself but I keep this info very close to myself.We have an unusual and unconventional relationship which not many understand. This is the first time I have actually admitted this in any group. Feels pretty scary but hey- the truth still remains and I am what i am.

I just want you to know you are not alone at all. I have been with woman, and have known this since a young age. I did get tied up with men, long story, but when I was 36 ended up married and then had 2 kids. I am legally seperated since 2002. He knows what I want, but he still gets in my face about it because he doesnt want this around my kids. So many good parents are gay or lesbian, and are also aloud to adopt. but you are married and have to be honest. I know how I struggle with this everyday, and I am still not free, my mother does not wan to hear about it, never did, so i wonder myself am I ever going to have any fulfillment of any relationship. But this will definitely come out as you go on and dont really want him as a love making partner.
We are all here to support, choose the right choices for your family.

I just want you to know you are not alone at all. I have been with woman, and have known this since a young age. I did get tied up with men, long story, but when I was 36 ended up married and then had 2 kids. I am legally seperated since 2002. He knows what I want, but he still gets in my face about it because he doesnt want this around my kids. So many good parents are gay or lesbian, and are also aloud to adopt. but you are married and have to be honest. I know how I struggle with this everyday, and I am still not free, my mother does not wan to hear about it, never did, so i wonder myself am I ever going to have any fulfillment of any relationship. But this will definitely come out as you go on and dont really want him as a love making partner.
We are all here to support, choose the right choices for your family.

sorry about the double, go figure??

Yes, I am going thru the same type situation. I am married & I have a teenage son. It is very confusing for me. I have not told my husband or anyone, but I know he suspects I am at least bi.

I have a friend, early 40s, she was married 15 years and had 2 kids with a man she loved but wasn't attracted to because she is a lesbian.

3 years ago, she finally admitted this to him, they ae now divorced, they remain good friends, have alternate weeks with kids. My friend has also found herself a lovely girlfriend who makes her very happy and my friend, her ex hubby and new girlfriend get on and have even gone to watch the kids in school plays all together.

So - every story is different. But it does happen and can work out.

you are not alone i must confess that i'm married to a man with one child i told my husband im a bi but i dont wana have sex with him or with any other men i do have female lovers from time to time we have a strange marriage and its a long story i wont bore u with all the details just wanted u to know i'm here if u need me

I'm in a similar situation. I've been married for 9 yrs., I have 4 kids. I know I'm a lesbian but don't know where to begin to make my way into a gay world. He knows about me and It does not bother me but I'm going through some kind of depression. I dont know what to do, where to go. I mean because my kids are way to small to just get up and go. I love him so much but not in a romantic way. Friends is what I call our relationship. I dont want him to leave me but dont want to be selfish either. I'm scared and looking for advice......

Live your authentic life with your true sexual preference. It's a sham marriage that will affect the children the longer it goes on. I was married 27 years to a closet gay. I am tortured by the lifetime of lies to me. Basically I was used as a shield to cover his sexual preference. Please be honest, confront him and let him go on and have a hetosexual relationship he believes he has now. Mine was eventually caught even though remains a closet gay due to social predudices.

my husband knows i am in love with a women. i just know i could never leave him. i love him so much. the pain it would cause him & our 2 kids would just be unbearable. i would rather not explore those feelings & just try & block them. it's not that he makes me unhappy. she just completes me.