Codependents working their recovery Community Group
Working on recovery
I finally went to my first Coda meeting yesterday.
The good: the meeting was well organized, ran on time, reviewed important readings, spent some time focusing on one important behavior of codependency/recovery, allowed ample time for open sharing and ended on time.
The bad: I'm not sure this format will be helpful for me. First off, no one comments on your shares and you can't comment on anyone else's! How is that helpful? Yes, I understand the underlying philosophy that individuals should come to their own conclusions, in their own way, and that focusing your energies into trying to "help" others in the group by offering advice is contrary to personal recovery and taking care of one's self. But how can you progress without feedback? There was one week man there who was afraid that her family would try to take control of her life now that she is divorcing her husband and has some mild cognitive delays. I could have pointed her towards some local resources where she could receive help and further information, but you can't do that because it's not allowed! I think maybe group therapy might be a better model for me for a while? I don't know. I realize Coda is a supportive place where I can share without judgement, but I kinda wish there was someone calling ME out on my ish to keep me focused. I'm not sure I will progress otherwise.
The ugly: I cried a lot and when I say "a lot" I mean my nose was raw when I left and there were several eyelashes missing. AND NOBODY ELSE CRIED. What is up with that? Why am I the only weepy one there? It makes me feel self-conscious and not want to go back. I couldn't even read some of the readings without getting weepy.
When it was over I got out of there fast. I didn't want to stick around and talk to anyone. I also did not accept a chip for my first meeting as I felt silly for it.
I won't be back next week because it's father's day and I have some plans with my hubby that day. I will likely try it again after that because I like the writing exercises and being reminded of the behaviors I am trying to adopt.
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Ever since I stopped doing therapy because of insurance, I've been feeling that old tense and irritable sense of anxiety and stress. I hate that. I was making so many strides and changes during therapy, my therapist would acknowledge all of my progress and accomplishments, and I miss that reassurance. Today I thought about it, and I made those changes! She would always tell me that I chose to...
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It's been some time since my last post...sorry. I've been going through a challenging time with the sale of my home, purchase of a condo and my adult asperger son that lives with me. I've had days where I couldn't get out of bed, days where I stayed in my pj's and days where all I managed to do was eat, drink fluids and take care of my Sweet Mia kitty. Sweet Mia came to me from a shelter about...
In alanon we are really there for us and learning how
to self focus not focus on others.
I was on my knees and on bottom when i started my
recovery. I had wanted to fix my marriage so badly.
Alanon did not help me with that or him and his
behaviors. My marriage in reality was long over.
Alanon was about fixing me and helping me getting
emotionally and spiritually healthier and stronger.
Hugs
There are the rules for the meetings, but there is also the sharing before and after meetings on a more one to one basis. As folks get to know each other, they spend time outside the meetings, sometimes for a cup of coffee sometimes for a meal before or after the meeting. Small 12 step study groups are another place that allows more interaction. 12 step programs are by definition fellowships. Meetings are a part of that, but nowhere near real fellowship.
At some point, the earlier the better, folks select a sponsor. This is a unique relationship. The main goal is to lead you through the steps, but it is much more than that and a strong bond is established where all things are discussed. And yes, sponsors do call us on our stuff.
Comforting hugs on your journey.
For their recovery and can help you
On your recovery journey.
There is no rush to find one IMHO. It
Often takes the right fit and person. I
Had two temporary ones. One was
good but i Burned her out during my
divorce and neediness. And the other
one did not have enough empathy.
My therapist is really my guide she
Is a 12 stepper herself and she is great.
Mostly we do the big issues together.
Alanon is a great program if you are
Interested. Its the nuts and bolts. Many
In my home group do not have actives.
They come from it or its dysfunction.
Glad you are going to mtgs. Steps one
Two and three are needed to get done at
some point. That took me awhile giving
Up self will and trusting God/HP to be
In charge.
Four is the hard one so much comes
Into play. I do not believe in speed
Stepping. Slow easy pace and no
Rushing the layers and reparenting.
A good spiritual sponsor can help
You With steps 4 onward.
There is no race or timeline. Recovery
Is all about our relationship with our
Selves and trusting the process, HUGS
I really need to carve out time during the week where I can meditate and grieve. Get some of this tension out.
Did not get like this overnight.
I have Found real change hard. It took
Me courage, strength and hope to get
There.
I cried for two years at alanon. One
Day i started speaking even then not
That often. There its more topic mtgs.
I was no longer a doormat at the end
Of that time.
Working thru grief takes awhile. I still
Have plenty left i am sure. I have not
Even got into the really old stuff much.
ACA is another good group, HUGS
Sometimes, for me, when people understand the pain I'm feeling, or I listen to the pain of someone else, this is where I get my own teachings in groups.
Being 'heard' is a very powerful release...being vulnerable, with tears is not weak...being open is being Very Strong: vulnerable...I like brene brown talk on the subject...she's taught me a lot.