Codependency Support Group

Codependency is defined as someone who exhibits too much, and often inappropriate, caring for another person's struggles. A codependent person may try to change, or feel shame about their most private thoughts and feelings if they conflict with the other person's struggles. If you are on a journey towards self-love, this support group is for you. Join us and find others...

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Where do i find me some of that self-esteem?

amelah
amelah
Bubble baths aren't doing it. Neither are affirmations which feel false, no matter how many times I say them. Mirror work doesn't work at all.

According to coda.org, looks like I am the list of Low Self Esteem Patterns:

*I have difficulty making decisions.

*I judge what I think, say, or do harshly, as never good enough.

*I am embarrassed to receive recognition, praise, or gifts.

*I value others approval of my thinking, feelings, and behavior over my own.

*I do not perceive myself as a lovable or worthwhile person.

*I constantly seek recognition that I think I deserve.

*I have difficulty admitting that I made a mistake. ((And feel intense guilt or shame and self-loathing when I do make a mistake))

*I am unable to ask others to meet my needs or desires.

*I perceive myself as superior to others.

*I look to others to provide my sense of safety.

*I have difficulty getting started, meeting deadlines, and completing projects.

*I have trouble setting healthy priorities. ((I am great at Procrastination, though!)
deleted_user
deleted_user
I am re-reading the book "The Secret of Overcoming Verbal Abuse." It helps with the disputing technique and with the unconditional acceptance of myself.
katy2012
katy2012
I found this site when I was new to my quit from smoking. At the same time, my life had really slumped to an all time low. Years ago, I had attended ACOA meetings. I got on the internet to look for a meeting. Turns out there were no longer meetings in our area. Reallly bummed out. Then, not sure how, I ended up on the CoDA page. WOW!!! What an eye opener. After going through the characteristics, I was totally stunned. But, after much thought, it all made sense. Now I am beginning to work the steps. I found, too, one of my biggest area of work was in the area of self esteem. Never really realized how bad mine was. People would never suspect, they always think I am that happy go lucky person. The caretaker, the giver, the enabler, etc. It is funny the defenses we built in order to survive day to day. After I found the CoDA site, got back on this site and found this support group. So glad to have found it. Now I am so anxious to start my work on ME. I love all the support I have gotten from this group. I am beginning to see that I am OK!!!
deleted_user
deleted_user
I swear by Paul McKenna. His I CAN MAKE YOU HAPPY cd takes away my back pain! I am having to get some self-esteem, and when I do his cd's, I CAN MAKE YOU CONFIDENT, too, I feel better, respond to the world better, and in turn, am just hopeful that I'm creating a better life. http://www.paulmckenna.com.

Just coming out of an abusive relationship. Looking forward to a me I haven't yet discovered.

Hugs.
amelah
amelah
All of your insights, perspectives and experiences are really important for me to hear right now. It is a week from hell -- my sister is visiting from out of state -- which means that my 2 sisters are in their "united front" mode (1 sister lives here) ... and Mom is so sick... all I can say is that the old family dynamic is very much alive and unwell ...

I do not have a voice in this family and when they're not excluding me, they're either condescending to me or treating me as their punching bag. I am so tired of their judgment and how they talk "down" to me. I just want it to all go away... I speak up, only to get hammered back down. So, I get quieter and quieter out of self-preservation ... I want to disappear. All those "tapes" -- those internal voices -- are very much active and present and here, now, in the form of each person. I remember asking a therapist how to deal with the "old tapes" that are still running -- the live ones coming out of their mouths and their actions. I don't recall her answer ... I don't think she had one. I am so tired of fighting and talking back to these "voices."

Thanks for all your advice.