Hi, Pam. Oh, I dunno, I find happiness through exercise and 8 hours sleep a night! Gets a little boring at times being all alone, but, when I see what you all are going through attempting to find some happiness in the human landscape, I welcome the relative peace and quiet of my solitude.

But...you've got to find your own path!

i think that it is because we feel helpless and are damaged by things that have happened. but we can change this with help from others and time for reflection

For me happiness is not a goal it is a by product of striving for the goal which is wholeness. For me happiness is a by product of doing the things that move me toward wholeness.

As the Big Book of AA promises.. if we apply ourselves to these few simple principles we will begin to see nearly an over night transformation occur.

Pop.What addtion is that in the BB of AA? I never reads that before!

pop: That's great advice! Any excerpts-?

I think happiness is a journey, not a destination, one that requires continual work, passion and interest, in whatever pleasure, and pain, that lies ahead. Just staying interested in life. It's tough, I know, when the people around you seem suffocating and moronic (or, excuse me, mentally "limited"). Can't fly with the eagles when we're surrounded by turkeys! In my business affiliations, I'm surrounded by a few intelligent, honorable people, and a few turkeys. My family's nice, but they don't have all the info, for the "master plan", for success and happiness. So I'm sorta feeling my way along in the world, looking for sweet, fun, intelligent, interesting people to hang out with, have fun with, and make a lot of dough with.

And there is a sense in me that I want to discover and appreciate beauty, that I always look for beauty in simple things, simple qualities in people, like kindness, that others might overlook. Difficult to see sometimes...so much ugliness around me, which becomes ugliness IN me.

There is a sense in me that requires continual stimulation, new information, new data, new input. I like to read. When I'm feeling "boxed in", by current circumstances, or just lack of personal motivation, I like to tune in here or pop open a book and discover something new expressed in words.

And then there's physical exercise-!

And then there's sex-! Oh my...well...that comes back to one's perception of beauty...and that perception is so fragile...need to nurture it...beauty is kindness...it's not flash and dazzle, although that is icing on the cake. I try to be kind to everyone. Sometimes the kindness is reciprocated...sometimes it is perceived as weakness, and invites aggression...which forces me to retalliate with aggression in return, if I am to survive...

Forgive me, Pam, if this is a rant. Hope it helped.

Happiness. That one seems to elude me often. My ex told my current g/f that I would never be happy. that was 15 years ago. I think, often, that they were right. I've been chasing that dream for the last 39 years.

This year has been a really long emotional rollercoaster ride for me. I've done a lot of inner reflection and evaluation. I finally put a name to some issues I've carried with me since childhood, and realized that I was placing the happiness emphisis on making sure others were happy instead of myself. If they were happy, then I was happy. I realized that I was/am codependant.

And now that I have this new information, I have begun to mapout my own path. Although with the changes that are ahead of me, I am completely terrified, and unsure, but I just keep telling myself that I have to keep moving forward. And now, I am trying to decided what that means for me.

I do beleive that nearly everything is a choice. Including happiness. We choose how we handle our circumstances, and how they affect us. Not always an easy choice, but a choice none-the-less. I also agree that happiness is a journey and not the destination.

Good luck to you on your journey. May you discover what happiness means to you, and then choose to go after it with a firey passion!

If this'll help all you guys, I find I'm happiest when I'm WARM. Therefore, I look for WARMTH in my life, even if it's to feel the warmth of the sun, God's kiss and breath, on me. Hope this helps!

Thank you for your wisdom Koolman...i needed that today!

I did a lot of 'venting' (look it up in CODA literature) and early childhood examinations, about a year of serious crying, writing in journals, and lots of other stuff in 12 step groups and therapy.
Now I find that I can simply choose or decide to be happy and not unhappy in any situation or circumstance. I learned this from the book: Happiness is a choice by Barry Neil Kaufman - get it from a library or book store.
This 'technique' is very simple but I had to unload a lot of painful feelings and beliefs from the past before the ability to just choose happiness would work.
This is what I did - wishing you the best and much success in your journey to happiness and peace. Jim

"I had to unload a lot of painful feelings and beliefs from the past before the ability to just choose happiness would work."- Nice Jim, i'm in a similar place after choosing to stay single for a year and now i want to enjoy being single for a year! Wish me luck :)

allowing myself to not focus on things that i cant change and just telling myself that it is ok to feel content and happy is helpful for me. easy for someone that cant meet your needs to say that you will never be happy. that way those who should be supportive can dismiss you as someone who will never be happy. exercise is very important, i include at least 30 minutes of exercise in my routine daily and have for the last 20 years. trying zumba and a step class to get out and get around people with healthier habits. hope this helps

Here's where I look for happiness:
http://www.lifelonghappiness.com/www.option.orghttp://www.facebook.com/happiness.project.bookhttp://www.google.com/search?client=opera&rls=en&q=happiness+is+a+choice&sourceid=opera&ie=utf-8&oe=utf-8#sclient=psy&hl=en&client=opera&rls=en&q=happiness+&aq=0&aqi=g4g-o1&aql=&oq=&gs_rfai=&pbx=1&fp=1&cad=b
good luck

"Happiness" To love thyself and to love God with all my heart, mind and soul. The joy of the Lord is my strength! My boyfriend just broke up with me and left me alone in the darkness. The darkness of pain, confusion and rejection. I loved him with all my heart. Hopes, dreams and desires all gone now. I am very sad and afraid. Afraid that I may never love a man again. Afraid that I will be alone. But, praise to God all mighty! He will never leave me nor forsake me. He loves me for who I am. The good and the bad. I am happy because of God's love. I am happy because of my love for myself. I am happy because I loved truly. I am happy because I am alive. I am happy because God is my refuge in the storms of life. I am happy that I can trust Him with my future..He knows what's best for me and if it's His will, He will send me the right man to love again..With God's strength I can accept the things I cannot change and change the things I can and He will give me the wisdom to understand.

Wow thats really moved me LindyLouise :)

Pamjit, Great question! I wish I had the immediate answer. I always seemed to be happiest (even if not outwardly showing emotion) when my wife seemed happy. I think I need to focus on being happy just for me but I'm not sure how to completely shift my focus. Others that know me might describe me as selfish in many ways. I was so overly committed to her that I suspect I was overbearing and annoying at times. I am doing my best to move ahead, my hope is that one day I can go to sleep and wake up without my first thought being about her.