Codependency Support Group
Codependency is defined as someone who exhibits too much, and often inappropriate, caring for another person's struggles. A codependent person may try to change, or feel shame about their most private thoughts and feelings if they conflict with the other person's struggles. If you are on a journey towards self-love, this support group is for you. Join us and find others...
But first it will piss you off.
I have been on this site now for a couple of months. There seem to be a variety of layered issues we all bring to the table here and we all provide feedback, lots of lovey dovey, I understand you and hopeful messages wishing a person well. Which I think are fabulous, we all do need some cheerleading to get us thru those rough spots.
However, one thing that is striking me lately is the blatant disregard of the truth of the matter....and taking things out of context. So I wonder, are we really being helpful to each other.....or are we just here to get our daily dose of ego stroking so we can continue to be exactly who we were yesterday.....which by virtue of us being on this site....was not who wanted to be.
So i ask......what are you on this site to accomplish....let's air that out! I want to understand what are awe doing here?
I will tell you a little about my current situation. I have come to realize how deeply co-dependant I am...I am today and will be probably tomorrow as it is all still new. YET, I have made some huge strides as well....I am learning to use my voice to draw boundaries, i feel more connected to my feelings in the moment and am able to articulate them and not pull the "shoot I wish I would have said that" thing that we all kick ourselves in the butt about. But I am now swinging to the other side of the pendulum and have actually limited my social time and am only expending energy towards only myself.....I don't know if this is good or not. I am still feeling like I am healing, trying to find myself, and trying to be with myself and become more passionate about my life. I had triggers at work, which thankfully thru some insight and feedback from this site has remedied itself. But I sense I might be avoiding a little bit of social life due to not wanting to step into the lions den of triggers.
Then you add on that I am an alcoholic, I have been sober for 9 years ....so I am a nice, mushy drunk...I will give you the shirt off my back and party with you while you are wearing it HAHAHAHA.
For me I came to this site as a stomping ground to meet people who were struggling with Codependency, read their stories and hope that by providing them truthful feedback it would be like telling myself the same feedback, and hoping to get some genuine feedback in the form of hard truths that maybe I didn't want to hear but needed to, and to become a better version of myself than I was yesterday.....and to get out of this damn cycle so I could have a deeper connection to myself, my family and my friends in a manner that was balanced and healthy. Then maybe, just maybe find the love of my life and live some version of happily ever after.
Anyway.....are we here for truth? and what if we don't like how it is packaged or said.....are we saying....it isn't the truth?? I want to get clear here....
Just because we don't like 'how' something is said, does that diminish the message? Hence the title and first sentence of this post.....maybe the things that are setting you (or me) off, are exactly what you (or me) might need to hear, no??
Keeping it Real......
I have been on this site now for a couple of months. There seem to be a variety of layered issues we all bring to the table here and we all provide feedback, lots of lovey dovey, I understand you and hopeful messages wishing a person well. Which I think are fabulous, we all do need some cheerleading to get us thru those rough spots.
However, one thing that is striking me lately is the blatant disregard of the truth of the matter....and taking things out of context. So I wonder, are we really being helpful to each other.....or are we just here to get our daily dose of ego stroking so we can continue to be exactly who we were yesterday.....which by virtue of us being on this site....was not who wanted to be.
So i ask......what are you on this site to accomplish....let's air that out! I want to understand what are awe doing here?
I will tell you a little about my current situation. I have come to realize how deeply co-dependant I am...I am today and will be probably tomorrow as it is all still new. YET, I have made some huge strides as well....I am learning to use my voice to draw boundaries, i feel more connected to my feelings in the moment and am able to articulate them and not pull the "shoot I wish I would have said that" thing that we all kick ourselves in the butt about. But I am now swinging to the other side of the pendulum and have actually limited my social time and am only expending energy towards only myself.....I don't know if this is good or not. I am still feeling like I am healing, trying to find myself, and trying to be with myself and become more passionate about my life. I had triggers at work, which thankfully thru some insight and feedback from this site has remedied itself. But I sense I might be avoiding a little bit of social life due to not wanting to step into the lions den of triggers.
Then you add on that I am an alcoholic, I have been sober for 9 years ....so I am a nice, mushy drunk...I will give you the shirt off my back and party with you while you are wearing it HAHAHAHA.
For me I came to this site as a stomping ground to meet people who were struggling with Codependency, read their stories and hope that by providing them truthful feedback it would be like telling myself the same feedback, and hoping to get some genuine feedback in the form of hard truths that maybe I didn't want to hear but needed to, and to become a better version of myself than I was yesterday.....and to get out of this damn cycle so I could have a deeper connection to myself, my family and my friends in a manner that was balanced and healthy. Then maybe, just maybe find the love of my life and live some version of happily ever after.
Anyway.....are we here for truth? and what if we don't like how it is packaged or said.....are we saying....it isn't the truth?? I want to get clear here....
Just because we don't like 'how' something is said, does that diminish the message? Hence the title and first sentence of this post.....maybe the things that are setting you (or me) off, are exactly what you (or me) might need to hear, no??
Keeping it Real......
..... long ramble wrapped up.... I prefer to keep it real as well... straight medicine... maybe a small spoonful of sugar when its really hard to swallow medicine
With hugs and respect :)
1. My mother left my dad and I'm having difficulty dealing with it. (What got me to join DS)
2. I like exploring how I feel about issues.
3. I like to help people.
4. I love writing and finding my voice.
5. I like being validated- especially my intelligence, sensitivity, perceptiveness and intuition. (aka ego-stroked, lol!)
6. I need to be with like-minded people, especially when it comes to my triggers from PTSD.
My reaction to your post- I admire your courage in putting this out there. I personally HATE it when I take the time to post my comments --especially when people are ASKING for advice -- and then accuse me of being mean. Hey, I'm the first to apologize as long as you don't jump down my throat just because I used a phrase that didn't gel with you.
I do know there have been some times when I did not agree with others, but I *think* I tried to see their POV and I wound up either learning something, or I realized that I really DO feel a certain way.
Only time I've had MAJOR issues with someone is when they either attacked my religion (they were banned permanently) or one time on another site, the moderator kept insisting my (then) BF was using me for a greencard. Her entire site got shut down for her vile drivel.
My suggestions for anybody coming on to post-
1. Be prepared for a variety of opinions and personalities
2. Remember that it's only the internet
3. If you can't handle it, don't take others down with you; just. back. away. from. the. screen.
: D
I think people confuse the S in DS. It's to make STRONGER, not just blind Support...
This site was really helpful for me to see i was not the only person feeling this way. It was nice to share my story and feel like someone knew where I was coming from.
Its been a year since this breakup and I still deal with the depression and issues. Not as bad, but when I feel i need to talk or let it out, this is a great site for assistance. I get tired of talking to family and therapist about the same thing. I think they get tired of hearing it.
anyway, its a great place to see alot of us are on the same groups: codependency, depression, loneliness, breakup. We are not alone in this world even if it feels that way sometimes.
sorry for the ramble. Happy Friday!!!!!
So just a thought....my mom is really into affirmations, and always talks about what ever you put out there and state can 'become'.
So what about changing your name for the site? Sad N Lonely seems like it could almost be re-affirming that is what you are, no?
Anyway, just a thought.
I really appreciate the feedback you are providing. Some people are here just to not feel alone too, so I could imagine someone coming out with some type of truth that they aren't ready to hear probably does throw them for a loop. But I hope we can all agree that we are ALL here to help and seeking help.....no matter the package the message may come. Plus I know some people are just not very good at typing out what they are trying to say...so a lot can be left to interpretation..... *sigh* perfection eludes us all huh??? We are all so fragile and complicated.....HAHAHAHA
Anyhoo....TGIF.....maybe we can enjoy that, and that will be enough for now! Take care!
What brought me to this website was that one word which my therapist concluded upon hearing my story - You are Codependent!
I never heard that word ever in my life.
My story - I ended up with a therapist as i couldnt take it anymore the pain was too high ... didnt know what was going on.. This guy i loved was addicted to drugs and there was too much going on too quick my mind could absorb ....I was depressed in the relationship and lost my identity long time ago... My mom killed herself to fire when i was 6 year old and then dad became and alcoholic.... Step mom was narcissistic... it was all about her ....Manipulation, control, Drama day in and day out... Yelled and beaten up for no reason ... Come 18 eloped with a man who said i love you first against the cultured norms of arranged marriages... did what others wanted and never had self identity... I got an oppurtunity to live in United states and started working on self ... and eventually chosen partners someway addicted to something.... Last one was nail in the head and ended up on Therapist couch and the exact word were " I dont know who I am please help"
3 years later am i over my codependency No ... its deeply rooted i try to untagle one thread at a time ... it is very easy to go back to familiarity of known ... do i beat myself up no i dont .. I try being compassionate... Been criticized enough .... When somebody say You are this and You are that .. Its my hotbutton... Trying to work on improving myself on what do i think what i am ... i think CODEPENDENCY is disconnection with self
What do i seek from this blog
when someone share something it invokes a part of my sub conscious ...it helps me learn abt me better... Some of the suggestions i love some of the suggestions i care less not that they are right or wrong more so they dont fit in with me...besides that i try to share what has helped me as an experience where ever i can.. Initially i craved the validation from others on this site.. Now i rarely do.. I had my share of drama on CODA blog too .. All learning experience..
Communication to me is more Non verbal than Verbiage ... Sometimes words come across as daggers as there is no emotion attached to it unless there is emotions ... I stll prefer meeting people in person over just plain text ... that being said i did make few friends here who validate or give positive feedback when i expect....
If i come across negatively in anyway i apologize... this is all about me and nothing about anyone...
I only discovered that I am codependent a few months ago. I have a lot of work to do. I have a lot to learn! I appreciate each and every one of you! I appreciate all your comments and hugs! Its soooo nice having a group of friends who understand!!!
I am also on other boards here, the WWLTM board is also for Co-D issues. ( It stands for Women who love too much)
I am happy to say it as it is, but if I feel I have nothing to say I say that also but I understand it is good to know you have been heard.
I love that you posted this and am happy to discuss meatier issues.
I am co-D, I have huge anxiety and PTSD and am also a rape survivor.
Im happy to talk about anything here, I changed my Avatar to be a pic of myself to follow through on my honest and being true to myself pledge to myself, and I am not afraid to be not anonymous anymore. I am who I am. and I am working on accepting that.
You know I have been contemplating being anonymous for a while now and having it be my picture. In the end I elected not to put my picture for work reasons, as well as, I removed my Facebook page because it was causing too many co-dependent triggers for me-getting too invested in the story's/posts because the people I knew them in real life. Here I really want to work on my detachment so this is a perfect set up.
In the end, I elected to not have my picture to give myself the ability to stay a stranger in the strange world.
@ Everyone else, I am glad everyone so far has agreed we are here to do some hard work, and that it isn't always going to be a 'warm fuzzy' kind of day when we get on the site and see some hard truths pop up on our posts. But at the end of the day, like I always say, we can take and leave any feedback we get, and in reality we are all strangers to each other.
I think it was important for me to establish if this site was really for me and I am glad to find that many of us are here for the same thing.
I mostly feel the need to be private for the work reasons, too.
But I do wonder what y'all look like, and just once, I wouldn't mind revealing MY lovely visage! : D
Anybody want to suggest a "1 Day Reveal" date? Thinking of something symbolic regarding the numbers...
I'll post the 1 Day Reveal 8/8 on some other of the forums, too.
Maybe we'll start a trend!