I never have spoken up for myself very much.  I'm starting to do it more now.  I'm from an era where women were really encouraged to be accommodating and not say much at all.  I clearly remember dinners with family.  Women were practically not allowed to speak, or at least it seemed that way.

Anyway, I've had several instances in the past of men becoming obsessed with me.  I'm cisgender and hetero, but I am not attracted to desperation. I don't think a lot of people are.  In one of my friend groups there is a man that I used to like, but he just led me on for a really long time, and I got over it.  After I wasn't interested anymore, he wouldn't drop it.  I've been keeping it to myself for like five years now from my good friend who has these get togethers that he is kinda scaring me.  I almost didn't attend the last party because I was afraid he was going to be there, and in fact he was.  He dominated my attention the whole party, and then followed me out to my car in the dark, which he has done a couple of times before.  If I was still interested I wouldn't mind the attention so much, but I've already explained to him that I'm not interested anymore, and he's not letting it go.  

Anyway, my dilemma was that I was not sure whether I should tell my friend that he is starting to bother me.  I never wanted to do that because I didn't want to make myself seem "like a complainer" and "be a problem."  But really this has been going on for like five years and I don't understand why he isn't letting it go.  In the past when I have spoken up about harassment from men-I've done this a few times in my life, typically what happens is that it gets turned around and I get blamed and pushed out of the social group.  It happened at work and at church.  In short almost like retaliation for what happened.

I was so nervous and anxious after what happened last time-I almost never made it to that party to avoid him, and there is another get together tonight that I was going to beg off of.  I think I've reached a point in my life where I'm tired of being either submissive or avoidant because I am afraid of someone.  When I was in high school I was being violated by an adult relative and when I spoke up I was told I was crazy and basically put out of the family for the most part.  I think attitudes regarding women have evolved in the past 30 years, but back in the 80s and before, people were just not as aware. So I said something to my friend. I asked him to keep it to himself, he said he would. He was pretty understanding and kind of disappointed in the guy.  Who knows what will happen next. I suppose I could get ostracized, but honestly if that happens I wouldn't want to be a part of them anymore anyway.  I'm over being afraid all of the time. I just don't want to live that way anymore.