Codependency Support Group
Codependency is defined as someone who exhibits too much, and often inappropriate, caring for another person's struggles. A codependent person may try to change, or feel shame about their most private thoughts and feelings if they conflict with the other person's struggles. If you are on a journey towards self-love, this support group is for you. Join us and find others...
IDK, sometimes I think I have too much drama in my life. I really try to keep that to a minimum. It was a long week of work and school, and I was really looking forward to going to one of my low key meetups that I don't get to all that often, maybe just a few times a year. It's basically a meeting of small groups of people, they do things like walks, and the art museum. Tonight was free night at the art museum. It just seemed like a really good way to wind down.
I got home from work to check the details and saw that this man that I know through a group of friends joined the group today and was attending. I changed my RSVP to no. He's someone that I know from a group of friends from outside of meetup, and he acts obsessed with me. When I see him around, he makes a point of following me out to my car, cornering me, and forcing me into a conversation. I have posted about it before. For a while I thought I'd lost him, but it's started up again.
I have him blocked across all platforms. I'm not sure on the Meetup app if when you have someone blocked, that it just prevents them from chatting with you, or if they can see your events. I have all of my meetups set to private, and he is blocked there, too. I can't say for sure whether he saw the event and decided to join because he saw I was going, but it's not the first time he's popped up on one of my meetup events. He's joined a couple of the meetups that I'm in.
When I've seen him at my friends' house, he corners me and dominates my attention the whole evening every time I see him and it starts to scare me. It would have been impossible to avoid him tonight because it was an intimate group of about eight people. Larger events, it's easier to lose people. I stayed home, but I really wish I could have gone to this event.
This is not the first time I've changed plans to avoid him. First I was just nervous about seeing him at my group of friends. I don't know how it is that he's managed to now make his way into other areas of my life apart from this group of friends. Sometimes I feel trapped. I know that these are public groups and pretty much everyone can go, I just find it interesting that he seems to appear every where I go. He has friend requested me multiple times on facebook, I've removed and blocked him. He has "confessed his feelings" several times, it's gotten old. I've told him more than once that I am not interested. I informed a mutual friend of ours of what is going on, which makes me feel better. I just can't believe that he's found my other activities too. It could be he's just out there looking for things to do, but I have to say I find it a tad suspicious. A few years ago he told me that the only reason he came to our friends' get togethers was for me and basically only me. It was so creepy-he started naming off all of the events of the year that he had seen me at. I sort of viewed the meetups as a way to get away from him. Now he's there.
I'm staying home tonight. I really didn't want to. I'm so glad he's blocked on social media, he used to like and follow every thing I did. I'm kinda freaked out.
-
I haven't written in my diary on my computer since May because I thought that my computer was dying. I got away from writing but my computer is hanging in there. I think that I will start writing in it again. It's so therapeutic.
-
Years ago, I won a mirrored armoire from my job. It's in my bedroom but I rarely stand in front of it. Yesterday, I had to have a dexascan done so I had to change into a gown. There was a full length mirror in the changing room. I'm aware that I gained 5 to 7 pounds over the last year from cheating on Keto but I didn't know what it looked like. It was a reality check.
I am freaked out for you. Perhaps you could talk to some of the members you know better who are not his friends about how he is stalking you and you will not be RSVPing any longer. Next time, just show up and don't RSVP officially but also check where he will be.
And google, what to do when I have a stalker. Get more educated. I'd even say stop using social media or open new accounts in a fake name. These people know how to use computers and stalk people.
Unfortunately, blocking someone on meetup only keeps them from chatting with you, I don't think it prevents them from seeing your profile. I have an ex that I think may have blocked me-I can see his profile but I can't chat with him.
And yes, I think he is engaging in cyberstalking like you described. After I changed my rsvp to 'no,' he went and changed his to 'no' also. Seems like a clear indication of what he is doing, as I'm sure he can see my profile. What scares the crap out of me is that he told me once that he goes to things to see me, and now he's doing this in a public venue outside of the friend group, That is where I think it's officially turned into stalking, because I'm now going to be running into him in public places, and I live in quite a big city. Somehow, he finds me wherever I'm at. Even scarier is that the last time he cornered me I ran off, opened the door to my car and jumped in saying, "I have to go!" And he's STILL on my trail. I hate to feel like I have to be talking to organizers, etc, it feels like work and drama, I've already alerted our mutual friends. He seems pretty practiced with his tactics, seeing that I have so much set to private, including the meetups that I am in-they are not public. I am def. freaked out. He's very obviously trying to prevent me from interacting with other men, it's scary. I'm afraid if he gets too close to me there could be SA, that he might try to physically come after me or I would have to kick him in his ba**s
Both these guys are/were insensitive to our wants and needs and wants, like they didn't care what we wanted. That is the scary part.
Stay vigilant in a calm way and be self-protective. I might get a VPN and use a gmail type email account and start over on meet-up. Make up a new name, no photo of your real self, copy something off the internet. I have that dumb clubhouse app and only men want to be my friend on there, it has changed from when it was new and vibrant. I rarely use it but my husband and I were doing something together on there. I went online and got a photo of a decent looking older woman, not a Barbie type, and use that as my photo. LOL. If you have black hair, don't use a photo of a black haired woman. Use a photo of someone of another race, either much older or much younger, etc.
I admit I can be paranoid about strangers or weirdos. But this is wiser and more self protective than pretending every human is a good person.
I had to do a research based long paper in master's school on work place sexual or just plain harassment. I learned first thing, always say NO firmly and using NO. Don't be nice, be clear in our words. Even if this is our boss who could fire us. NO, I don't want to date you, NO, I won't return your calls or text messages. Cease and desist. That got rid of my stalker, it seems. I just said I do not want a friendship with you. My husband thought this was amusing -- he didn't understand the reality of stalking though.
Let me know how you are doing in a few. Hugs.
I think I'm going to have a chat with the organizers and try to rsvp via message so that it's not public. I hate living like this.
I was thinking about your dilemma. Could you look for other groups besides on Meetup? Such as - Facebook groups, Church get togethers, Book clubs, Volunteering such as at animal shelters, etc. Just some other type of groups of people, ones where that stalker guy wouldn't even know you were going there.
Oh, also co-ed sports. Softball, pickleball, etc. Check your local park for a list of activities they have there. I used to play indoor volleyball at my park's gym. I saw it listed and I just showed up and played.
Hope this helps. Good luck.