Codependency Support Group
Codependency is defined as someone who exhibits too much, and often inappropriate, caring for another person's struggles. A codependent person may try to change, or feel shame about their most private thoughts and feelings if they conflict with the other person's struggles. If you are on a journey towards self-love, this support group is for you. Join us and find others...
So it's my brother's birthday again. I chose not to go to his party. In the past he has hit me, threatened my survival and physical safety, told me enjoys hurting me and other people, and I believe he is a raving maniac or has some type of serious personality disorder.
Now that my parents are old he makes fun of their hearing loss and lack of mobility. He lives in their house; I don't know why they don't ask him to move out. For some unknown reason my mom desperately clutches on for me to hang out with him as he does as well. There is nothing in it for me, in fact it's a serious liability. I call it love bombing. He cries and claims he 'just cares about me." That's what he said about his girlfriends that he treated like s*it too. I watched him treat them like garbage. At least one of his girlfriends dumped him due to his rage issues.
I made up an excuse and said I was out of town for his birthday. As predicted she proposed another day. I said I was busy. Some people are so obsessive.
I am not comfortable around him at all. The idea that a female could be speaking about anything, taking up any kind of space, expressing full sentences brings on full scale mockery and derision from him. I'm not saying this to be cute or judgmental of other cultures, but it's like I should wear a burqa and sit in abject silence. There are some men right here in the US that are hoping for a setup like this, with no voting rights for women, that they shouldn't work, drive, etc. I understand domestic violence was just legalized in some parts of the world I was reading about it. I had some guy at a bar approach me and tell me, "I'm just a little woman." and asked me why I even bother working. I wonder about the future for women in a lot of places. The idea that women do not get to choose partners, employment, etc..trafficking....it's becoming more widespread or maybe it was always there and I just didn't see it. I went to leave my mom's house one day and my brother told me I didn't have a choice whether to leave or not. I believe women are facing risk on the macro scale these days when I used to think it was in certain dysfunctional families or relationships, but I think it's a wider cultural issue.
The last time I met up with them for my dad's birthday, he was just stewing and ready to snap. I was talking about my healthcare and employment and he just snapped at me and got very angry. I said I was using an AI to help me with career direction, it's a bot built for that. He went off and started shouting that AI just doesn't work and why do I bother. Anytime he sees me speaking up or advocating for myself about anything he snaps and accuses me of being a problem or high-maintenance. That's what I was called when the police wanted me to file a police report for him injuring me. I was called difficult, a complainer and high maintenance.
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check out that smoke ring. It tasted really good. I smothered it with Maulls BBQ sauce which is Local to St. Louis and one of the best I ever had.....
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I haven't written in my diary on my computer since May because I thought that my computer was dying. I got away from writing but my computer is hanging in there. I think that I will start writing in it again. It's so therapeutic.
When someone has physically hurt you, threatened you, mocked you, or tried to control your movements, your nervous system remembers. If your body says “I’m not safe,” that matters. You don’t owe anyone access to you at the cost of your safety or peace.
It also makes sense that the love-bombing feels confusing. When hurtful behavior is followed by tears or claims of “I just care about you,” that can create pressure and guilt. But caring doesn’t look like intimidation. Caring doesn’t look like mockery. Caring doesn’t look like telling someone they don’t have a choice.
You’re not high-maintenance for protecting yourself. You’re not difficult for setting limits. And you’re not obligated to keep proving your worth in a space where you’ve consistently been belittled.
It sounds like you’re seeing patterns clearly. That’s strength. It’s okay to keep distance if that’s what keeps you safe. It’s okay to say you’re busy. It’s okay to not explain further.
If you ever do feel unsafe, even emotionally, reaching out for local support or a domestic violence resource can help you think through options. You deserve support that takes your safety seriously.
You’re allowed to take up space. You’re allowed to speak in full sentences. And you’re allowed to walk away from people who try to shrink you....hugs
Whatever these awful people call you is not the truth. Write this down on a sticky note and read it daily. You are worthy and you are a wonderful human being.
These people accuse others of being what they are. You see this on the news with politicians every day. They say the other party is causing all the problems but the truth is not that. They say they didn't do anything bad and the reporter is bad for asking questions about what they did that was bad.
DARVO = Deny the harm you did, Attack the other person, Reverse who is the actual victim with who is the offender. Write this down and read it often. I have it on my wall behind my computer and I read it daily. Remember they are doing the DARVO and it is not truth. Remember you are the victim but now the stronger person.
Good for you!