Codependency Support Group
Codependency is defined as someone who exhibits too much, and often inappropriate, caring for another person's struggles. A codependent person may try to change, or feel shame about their most private thoughts and feelings if they conflict with the other person's struggles. If you are on a journey towards self-love, this support group is for you. Join us and find others...
A long time ago I was living with my grandmother, in an unhealthy codependency. I lacked the bravery to leave but finally did so. It was very difficult but it turned out to be one of the best decisions in my life and a catalyst for personal growth. I am sharing my story as I hope that it might be helpful to those of you who are in the midst of it still but feeling afraid or for those of you who left but feel uncertain what the future holds for you.
At first, I moved in with my mother. It was a more loving environment but it was filled with challenges and I didn't truly feel at home because I was living out of suitcases, not fully committed to being there perhaps. I then struck out and for the first time in my life, at the age of 27, I moved out on my own with my child. It was rough but well worth it. I slowly regained sanity and started to 'find' myself.
A few months later though, I resumed a relationship with my child's father which was a rocky, rollercoaster ride. I ended the relationship many times only to be persuaded to try again. He ended the relationship a few times and we tried again. We called each other names, he attacked my mental state and made me seriously question my sanity. I ended up feeling like a piece of crap around him in part because of how he treated me but in part, because of how I was treating him too. It was difficult to see where it began and ended.
I began to realise it was another codependent relationship but I couldn't let go of it because I loved him. I've finally let go. He's made lots of threats against me and I've suggested he contacts my lawyer, regarding my daughter. He won't pay maintenance for her and is using it as a way to get me to do the things that he wants. Some of them aren't even unreasonable but I hate the feeling of being bullied. Beforehand, he came up with three different excuses which made not paying maintenance MY fault, before I finally called his bluff that he simply did not have the money to pay it. At that point, the threats on his end started and I decided to cut my losses. I changed my phone number, etc.
I feel very sad as I love this man and wanted us to work as a family. I always had a sense though that something wasn't quite right and as though if we stayed together he would destroy me through his negativity and need to blame me for everything. One of my text messages to him ended up listing everything he blamed me for recently and saying 'it is not my fault' over and over again. Now, that we have no contact and we are not perpetuating this unhealthy cycle, I feel as though a weight has been lifted from my shoulders.
Oh and since I moved out... I also learned to drive, made new friends, joined a meditation group, learned to understand myself and unwind childhood traumas. Recently, I've been playing back my worst memories as a child and inserting me as an adult, explaining to that child that these things are not her fault. This is my story... so far.
At first, I moved in with my mother. It was a more loving environment but it was filled with challenges and I didn't truly feel at home because I was living out of suitcases, not fully committed to being there perhaps. I then struck out and for the first time in my life, at the age of 27, I moved out on my own with my child. It was rough but well worth it. I slowly regained sanity and started to 'find' myself.
A few months later though, I resumed a relationship with my child's father which was a rocky, rollercoaster ride. I ended the relationship many times only to be persuaded to try again. He ended the relationship a few times and we tried again. We called each other names, he attacked my mental state and made me seriously question my sanity. I ended up feeling like a piece of crap around him in part because of how he treated me but in part, because of how I was treating him too. It was difficult to see where it began and ended.
I began to realise it was another codependent relationship but I couldn't let go of it because I loved him. I've finally let go. He's made lots of threats against me and I've suggested he contacts my lawyer, regarding my daughter. He won't pay maintenance for her and is using it as a way to get me to do the things that he wants. Some of them aren't even unreasonable but I hate the feeling of being bullied. Beforehand, he came up with three different excuses which made not paying maintenance MY fault, before I finally called his bluff that he simply did not have the money to pay it. At that point, the threats on his end started and I decided to cut my losses. I changed my phone number, etc.
I feel very sad as I love this man and wanted us to work as a family. I always had a sense though that something wasn't quite right and as though if we stayed together he would destroy me through his negativity and need to blame me for everything. One of my text messages to him ended up listing everything he blamed me for recently and saying 'it is not my fault' over and over again. Now, that we have no contact and we are not perpetuating this unhealthy cycle, I feel as though a weight has been lifted from my shoulders.
Oh and since I moved out... I also learned to drive, made new friends, joined a meditation group, learned to understand myself and unwind childhood traumas. Recently, I've been playing back my worst memories as a child and inserting me as an adult, explaining to that child that these things are not her fault. This is my story... so far.
No worries! The written word is the most difficult method of conveying ideas. It relies on the readers state of mind, level of weariness, and the writers ability to convey the meaning. Confusion happens!
Add to that using this"smart" phone that changes words, jumps all over the page while loading (leading to the add button being pressed rather than a blank spot where my thumb touched the screen and mistakes will happen.
These are opportunities to practice being imperfect with others and realzing the world won't end.
If we rigidly demanded that others follw our ideas of how to live coming here telling others they have no right to their opinions and freedom of speach, THEN we'd be stuck in codepedently trying to shove our beliefs down the throat of others.
So to me these minor misunderstanding are ways to practice being truly authenticly the person we were created to be.
We use each other in healthy ways instead of controlling and accusing and abusive ways.