Codependency Support Group
Codependency is defined as someone who exhibits too much, and often inappropriate, caring for another person's struggles. A codependent person may try to change, or feel shame about their most private thoughts and feelings if they conflict with the other person's struggles. If you are on a journey towards self-love, this support group is for you. Join us and find others...
I've been attending a group with a life coach for years. I love it and it really helps me. It's virtual now.
There is a man there, who, to be honest, is very attractive. If I met him elsewhere I would date him. He's asked me out a few times in the chat, (it's virtual) but I didn't respond. But, he is in the group/therapy setting. My first instinct is no.
The reason being is that obviously I'm not going to process relationship issues in the same group in which I am dating with that person there. What if I had to process about him? That won't work. If it doesn't work, I lose the group. That would be quite a loss.
Also, it's virtual. I've never met him in person. It sure would be awkward to meet him and find out he looks/seems different than on zoom. He came to the group saying he's there because his wife cheated on him. They are not divorced yet, and I've been through that before too. That was a disaster-dating someone going through a divorce.
My worst fear is that he has some really deep issues that would come out-like he is a narcissist, addict, etc. I know there are people who are predators who hang out at 12 step and such to find weak, codependent women. They put on a friendly, concerned demeanor just to reel you in. I think they go to groups and Coda to find people to victimize. This happened to me before at a CoDa group. I befriended a man who I trusted (also an older man) and it turned into a nightmare. I rented a room from him and he turned controlling and unreasonable and demanded a relationship. He said if I didn't like it my stuff would be on the porch for me to pick up.
What a mess.
I don't want to go through this again. I had to leave the meetings for several years because he was on my heels and I did phone meetings. Real disaster. I'm feeling a "no" in this situation.
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Ever since I stopped doing therapy because of insurance, I've been feeling that old tense and irritable sense of anxiety and stress. I hate that. I was making so many strides and changes during therapy, my therapist would acknowledge all of my progress and accomplishments, and I miss that reassurance. Today I thought about it, and I made those changes! She would always tell me that I chose to...
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check out that smoke ring. It tasted really good. I smothered it with Maulls BBQ sauce which is Local to St. Louis and one of the best I ever had.....
He is still married. Not a great quality for a potential date!! He could just be saying that they are going to divorce. Probably not even true.
Sure, he might be attractive, looks-wise, but there is more to a guy than just his physical looks. He will definitely have other traits to him that won't work in any dating or relationship situation.
Can only tell so much about a person on Zoom. And, like you said, what if he is just on there to prey on innocent women on these groups?
Since you like the group, don't engage with him, as he might get the "wrong idea". Not sure how it will work... if you can block him on the meeting, or attend a group at a different time... etc.
Continue to work on yourself. Continue to make good choices. It's a great sign that your red flag meter went up on this guy. You are making progress! Stay away from this guy. Good looks aren't everything! :-)
~~~Peace~~~
He's Still Married