Codependency Support Group

Codependency is defined as someone who exhibits too much, and often inappropriate, caring for another person's struggles. A codependent person may try to change, or feel shame about their most private thoughts and feelings if they conflict with the other person's struggles. If you are on a journey towards self-love, this support group is for you. Join us and find others...

3,331 Members

10,657 Posts

0 Online

SadNLonly 04/21/2014

I've been dealing with a bad breakup that just shattered my heart. I am seeking therapy for it but wondering if anyone here has advise for me. In trying to improve myself, ive been doing all kinds of reading on self esteem and self confidence and how improve on that.

In reading all this I think Ive come to realize that I actually do have self esteem and confidence in all aspects of my life except for when it comes to men. I take rejection much easier, I feel like I have to look my best all the time, I feel as though I need to be accepted by them.

Now I am realizing that although Im surviving being singe I hate it. I really enjoy having the best friend / companion / lover in my life. I think that is what is hurting me so bad. I dont have it, cant find it, and really dont want to do to much to do anything about it.

What the heck do you think this is? Codependency?

My hubby and I divorced and I felt ok about it. We fell out of love. For some reason this breakup is really affecting me. Maybe because its the only other adult relationship I have ever had and he just bruised my ego? I dont know, but I want to be able to move on and not really worry about being single anymore. It would be nice to wakeup in the morning happy about the upcoming day and be fine with the fact that I will go back to bed tonight alone.

Thoughts? Advise?

deleted_user 04/21/2014

Usually codependency impacts so many areas of your life and not just one. So I'm thinking it's not codependency.

Someone here mentioned about the D.S. member group below "Women Who Love Too Much." Maybe that is the group that might help you. I put the link below. Just click on the green link and it will take you into it.

http://www.dailystrength.org/groups/women-who-love-too-much

SadNLonly 04/21/2014

Thank you. I'll look into the group

DeliAnnem 04/22/2014

I'd explore this relationship with a therapist. Not to get all Freudian with you, but how were your male figures when you were growing up?

SadNLonly 04/22/2014

my therapist says im codependent.

I was like any other girl with guys growing up. We'd breakup, id move on. Sure sadness over the breakup, but always moved on. my divorce was just fine.

It is this one and only person who makes me feel this way. its the craziest thing ive ever felt before.

DeliAnnem 04/22/2014

I meant male role models like your father.

Well, what about this relationship hit you so hard? Could he have been emotionally abusive?

SadNLonly 04/25/2014

oh yeah i know there were male issues growing up. molested at 12, forced sex at 15 and I was the only child in my house not by my adopted father. Granted he adopted me as an infant, i dont think he ever really cared about me growing up. My lil siblings came first for sure.

Male issues and needing to feel loved? YEP! just dont know how to get past it.

deleted_user 04/29/2014

I feel the same way. I was abused as a child and trying to make others happy and making sure they do the right thing was always there for me I am working hard at it and it is getting better. Good Luck

deleted_user 04/30/2014

It sounds like your prioritiies are wrong, for one thing. .I mean you are trying to always look your best for us guys? OUCH! Many in the male species are jerks. Others are simply dumb when with women, because some of them think that CEOs of XXX magazines would not lie to them about femininity and female sexuality. Those CEOs make their mass fortunes by misleading the public (male members) about femininity and female sexuality. There are those who are psychopaths who only want you so that they have a person that they can reduce to an object. Than it is bye bye. These are the men you need to be accepted by? Their are the nicer ones. Those who would not dare ask you if you'd go out with them, because you probably look so smashing that they would not dare ask you to go out because they are conviced there are a thousand suitors there that have a better chance than them. Having tackled my own gender, my question is how much time are you spending on your INNER beauty? That beauty which comes from your heart, your soul, from having a loving nature. If I was to be in arelationship I'd rather it be with her as oppossed to her clothes she is wearing? The only real criteria is cleanliness where the clothes are concerned. Now that you have free time as you no longer have to worry so much about outer appearances(clothes) and being not so much worried about rejection from guys you have more time to work on your inner beauty. And that costs a lot less that what you'd pay in a clothing store for women's clothes. As for the rest, well you may have to go through a bit of the grieving due to no longer having a husband. But than get out there and enjoy your life and be more casual in what you wear and all. You never know when and where a guy will say I'd like to get to know you more. How about we go to a certain public place and have a coffee or whatever and talk. I get the impression that having to look your best is a kind of a mask to hide who you really are for some reason. Get rid of the mask and be yourself more and rely more on your inner beauty.

Join the Conversation